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Broke up for the first time, need advice


NinjaCP

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Hey, everyone. This is my first time here on eNA, so excuse me if I ask questions to which the answer seems obvious. Sorry if my story seems long-winded, but I want to put as much information out as possible to ensure I get the best advice.

 

My first serious relationship just ended. I had been good friends with my ex for four years in high school, and we just started dating last December over winter break (I'm going to be starting my junior year of undergrad, she's going to be a college freshman this fall). The university I'm going to is only about an hour away from home, so she would drive up and spend two or three Saturdays a month with me. We went out on some nice dates for Valentine's and her birthday, and things started getting somewhat serious. About two months ago I finally got up the courage to tell her I loved her, and she responded that she felt the same way.

 

Just last week, we were cuddling on her couch and watching TV when she starts crying all of a sudden. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she didn't think it would work out between us anymore, that I deserved better for myself. This seemed like it was totally out of the blue to me. I kept asking her what had happened and why she wanted to end our relationship, but she kept telling me those same things over and over. The night ended with me getting picked up by my best friend because I was too upset to drive myself home.

 

I've been talking to some of our mutual friends, and I pieced together that she felt I was being too clingy. One friend pointed out that because of her family and the guy she had previously dated, she was probably having a lot of self-esteem issues (which is another story entirely). Since she had never indicated to me that any of my attention was unwanted, I feel like our biggest problem was that we weren't communicating effectively (something that I feel can be fixed with a little work).

 

How should I go about trying to fix things between us? Should I contact her first, or should I wait for her to talk to me? How long should I wait? Should I send a letter, call her, or try to have a friend act as a go-between?

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I know she needs to be left alone, but for how long? I don't want to try too early and make her upset, but I don't want to try too late and make her think I don't care.

 

My ex has a lot of self-esteem issues. She didn't have many friends and her foster parents never treated her well when she was growing up. I know there's something more than just her own self-doubt at work here and it worries me.

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I know she needs to be left alone, but for how long? I don't want to try too early and make her upset, but I don't want to try too late and make her think I don't care.

 

there is no timeline. best thing is to give her all the space she needs and go no contact. try to move on. if she wants to get back together she will let you know and come and find you.

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