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Spending too much time together


blitzkrieged
Dinner time with the Shih Tzu babie...
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Let me start by saying hello to everyone, since Im new to this forum... Its been really interesting reading these posts, and i think im finally ready to post my own question now

 

So, my boyfriend and I started dating about 6, almost 7 months ago and he is generally a really nice, loving, and fun guy. Im 18 and he is 24.

 

Just to clarify that I do love him and enjoy spending time with him.

 

Even though I want to be with him and make our relationship work, I feel like we spend wayyyy too much time together.

 

Im unemployed right now so he will ask me almost every day if I want to come to work with him and keep him company. If I say no he will call me throughout the day to see if Im bored and if I want him to pick me up.

 

pretty often we'll go about 3 to 4 days just waking up together, spending the whole day together, and going to sleep together, especially on his days off.

 

We visit his friends together, his family together, pick up his check together, walk his dog together, brush our teeth together. Ive asked him before if it doesnt bother his family and friends that Im almost always around and he gave me this look like "what the hell are you talking about?"

 

It was kind of forced upon us to live together too because his cousins is crashing in his place with her 3 year old daughter because of an abusive husband situation so now he sleeps with me and goes home only to walk and spend time with his dog (because his cousin talks like theres no tomorrow and her daughter cries like theres no tomorrow).

 

So basically I'm feeling smothered yet obligated and find myself starting stupid fights because of it, and because of how irritated I am to not have a moment to myself for days at a time.

 

Like the other day I woke up early to take a shower and in the middle of shaving i look up to see him pooping right next to me, and i just snapped at him and ran out with conditioner still in my hair until he left the bathroom. He went home. When I came to apologise he told me I had an attitude problem and needed to stop snapping at him because its immature.

 

I feel bad for hurting him and like I said I want to stay in this relationship, but how do I put some space between us without hurting him or making him think I dont love him? Sad, but I really don't have friends I can hang out with right now to separate myself. Any advice?

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I personally think it's unhealthy to spend 24/7 with your SO. Some time apart does you good and there's nothing more annoying for friends than a SO joined to their friend's hip. Of course they may not say anything, it sounds like he is very clingy. You really have to say that while you love being with him you sometimes want to spend time by yourself because or with the other people in your life. Tell him it's not because you don't love him, it's just that you have other parts of your life and that you need to devide your time. Time to yourself is one of them and it's something everybody needs.

 

Also...at least in my opinion, the boyfriend doesn't come in the bathroom unless we're showering together. Toilet stuff should *always* be kept private.

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Thanks and I agree, i wish toilet stuff would be kept private in our relationship but he just walks in whenever or even asks me to sit in there with him Hes obviously very comfortable with it, i happened to actually find a picture of his ex bent over sitting on the toilet on his old computer lol. ew.

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Spending too much time together isn't good for a relationship. I would suggest cutting it down to 2-3 days a week in the early-ish stage (under one year).

 

I'm curious why a 24-year-old man who is dating an 18-year-old girl complains about her being immature. Yes, you can and should work on yourself so that you don't snap at him, but I get the sense that you two are at very different emotional places in your life and that's disaster for the long term.

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Thanks and I agree, i wish toilet stuff would be kept private in our relationship but he just walks in whenever or even asks me to sit in there with him Hes obviously very comfortable with it, i happened to actually find a picture of his ex bent over sitting on the toilet on his old computer lol. ew.

 

Wow...you seriously need to tell him you prefer to keep stuff like that private, it's hardly an unreasonable request.

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