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a few days ago, out of no where, my boyfriend of 1 year decided he didnt know if being with me was what he wanted. he said he needed time to think about if he was ready for the r/s becuase he is still young (21, like me), and fearing commitment. he said although he loves spending time with me, he is getting bored of the same routine and feels as though the spark has gone. i was absolutely shocked to hear this, i thought things were going well, and he alwasy seems happy to be with me. we are each others best friends, but he said he needed time to think about things (he said he has been feeling this way for the past week). i am so scared, i have been in many relationships before (he hasnt) and know that we have something special. we rarely fought, and things were great. i havtn spoken to him since, which is a big effort for me, we use to text and call everyday. im just so scared he wont want me back. should i be keeping my hopes up or start trying to move on? any advice would be so appreciated, especially if you have had similar experiences. thanks

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There isn't much more you can do now.

 

But, if he contacts you, I'd tell him that you'd like to talk more about he wants. He says he is bored and not liking the routine. Routines can easily change. Sparks can return too.

 

He should have came to you and talked you about this before he decided to break.

 

I mean, one week of feeling this way and he's already wanting to take a break? Seems odd.

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yes, maybe it was longer, i dont know, as i said i thought everything was fine. i just hope he misses me and realises how good it was. sorry im sort of feeling sorry for myself here!

 

It's okay. This would make anyone feel bad.

 

But, the important thing is that he has to make this decision on his own. If he can't decide to stay on his own, he isn't worth it.

 

Is he someone who isn't good at expressing himself? Perhaps he's bottled these feelings for a while and that's why it has blindsided you?

 

Whatever he decides, you need to take care of you. He wants a break, you give him a break. You go out and have fun with your friends, do your thing, and have one hell of a time doing it. Use this time to its best potential.

 

On a side note, figure out what he means by "break". Are you still exclusive? For how long? How much contact? What are the goals of the break? I'd ask him so there is no confusion.

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I'd send an email that was purely business.

 

Don't say that you miss him or sign off with love.

 

Just ask him what he means by break. Try and ask specific questions about contact and other people.

 

I think it's important that you both know what this break means. You could think a break means a week of just not talking to each other and thinking, while he may think a break is something else.

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I had a similar experience with my current bf, over a year ago he broke things off because he was scared, not because he was young, but because he had been in a long relationship that failed, and he was scared of getting in so deep again. And we had got into a routine of doing things that was just.....well.....boring I guess.

 

We had been together for about a year at the time, and then suddenly he told me he wasn't sure he loved me, and broke things off. He still said I was his best friend and that he didn't want us to not be friends. I kept in low contact with him, and eventually he realised it was silly to throw something away just because he was scared.

 

We started spending a little bit of time together here and there, the relationship got stronger, and now we live together and things are great.

 

IMO, no contact is not always the answer, yes give him the break he needs, but it doesn't mean you can't see how he is by exchanging the odd text. I'd have hated to not contact my bf during our break, because it would have felt like I hadn't tried.

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I think when a guy says he's bored, and scared of the commitment, he's basically thinking that he isn't sure if someone better is out there for him and he wants to make sure that he can't get anyone better.

 

I tell ya... guys r such @$$holes.

 

I'm gonna go off on a rant because this thread reminds me of what my ex did to me.

 

Basically, after he wanted his space, I decided to break that off. And it was tough. I went through depression. I lost crazy weight, and I had no joy to live.... LIVE for goodness sake! He still contacted me over phone occasionally, and I decided to be the bigger person about it and was cordial and friendly.... but always thinking in the back of my mind, "why the F%$#$ is he calling me?!"

 

Then as it was becoming over a year since the break up, I noticed his calls were getting more and more frequent.... Like every 2-3 weeks. He even called me from his VACATION. And that told me a lot, since when you're on vacation, shouldn't you be having so much fun that you don't have time to think about an ex?!? Well, it wasn't long after that he finally made his move. He planned on moving near me. I was like, "WHAT?!" And he admitted that he sometimes wished we were still together.

 

Well, I made it loud and clear that if he's moving near me, it better not be for me.

 

Since then, no contact. Thank goodness. I almost feel like he missed the booty call.

 

I'm never going back to that again. The hell he put me through and now he wants to crawl back into my life after realizing that no other girl really wants him??? Thanks for the flattery pal.... NOT!

 

So to the OP............ when a guy crawls back to u after checking out that he can't do any better, do u really want that loser back in your life?

 

I think there are guys out there who are better than that. And I'm still waiting on him.

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so i havnt contacted him still.. and havnt heard from him yet. i thought i surely would have by now. should i call him just to say hi? i feel like hes forgotten about me.. and that i have to call him just to remind him!! i know this sounds silly but its how im feeling right now. i know ill regret it afterwards.. help!!

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so we ended up talking. turns out he is unsure as this is his first real r/s if he should stay with it or not. he doesnt want to always be thinking 'who else is out there' as he has no other r/s to compare it to. to me , as ive had a few r/s, we are perfect together. unfortunately he cant see that. so basically now he just has to decide what he wants to do. which sucks

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i would just let him do his thing. 99 percent he is going to find out nothing is better than what he had. but in order for him to find that out you have to let him do it on his own, either do nc or a form of lc, limited contact to him. he needs to miss you in order to appreciate you and to show that the new person is not as good as the old person. they always find that out in the end. it may be too late by the time he does, you may have someone else. oh yeah one more thing, don't wait around for him, hang out with your friends, family, do things, enjoy your life without him. i know its hard but try to. eventually when the time is right you will meet someone new. keep your head up. it will be ok.

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