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Michelle10

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I need advice. I came here because I figured the best advice would be from an outsider, someone who doesn't see things biased and just knows the facts.

I'm going to do my best to post a short version of this.

 

At the beginning of the last semester, I began to hook up with this guy Mike. The first night we hooked up he told me he had a girlfriend, but she was studying abroad and they were in an open relationship. I left it at that, but then he asked for my number. We began to text daily, and we had the same group of friends so I saw him frequently. He usually spent the night 3-4 nights a week. It wasn't just a "drunken hookup" ordeal either. We watched movies together, hung out, etc. and we had hooked up sober. I also lost my virginity to him.

 

This whole fiasco continued the whole second semester. We were like "dating/talking/idk what you wanna call it" from feb-may. Meanwhile, 2 times during the course of the semester, he 'ended' things. He said he wasn't sure if he was going to stay with his girlfriend, but it would be better if we were just friends. Each time, this little "talk" failed to work. We were both very open with eachother about how we felt. Each time he 'ended' things, we talked for at least an hour. It was never ugly or anything, actually it was kind of weird becaues we both would make jokes and such.

 

Well, end of the school year comes and it's time to go home. We said our goodbyes, etc. I asked him what was going to hapen over summer, and he said 'everything will work out'. vague. Then we get home, so I decide to inbox him--see where things stand. He pretty much said, 'idk if i'm going to stay with my girlfriend or not, but idk if things would work out between us.' I, of course, am upset, but I also question the validity because we have went through this before. Well, a week goes by and things are definitely not the same, we rarely spoke. Then, we started to talk on night, and everything seemed like it was back to normal. Well, as time went on, it was. If anything, it seemed amazing. We talked almost every night of the week. We usually talked on aim for a few hours a night. We could talk openly, and we played 'the question' game, which just got us to know each other better, and on a deeper level. We suggested books for the other to read etc. I'm just trying to express that it was deep covnersation, and it wasn't your typical 'friend' convo. On the weekends, we usually 'sex talk/texted' each other for a while. This occurred for about 4 weeks so far, and then out of nowhere something happened.....

 

 

well, i need to backtrack a little. I'm visiting one of my good friends from school, who lives near mike, in 2 days. I had always mentioned to Mike that I should stop by, and he always said 'sounds good, just wait till it gets closer.' Well 2 nights ago I asked him about it, and he was being sketch saying 'he wasn't sure if his parents needed him for something'. Then I asked him last night and he said 'idk if it's going to work'. Well, i texted him a few hours later and said like 'you;ve said how you wanted me al summer, just saying ', and then he responded 'yeah, nothing like that can happen though'.

 

Well the next day we get to talking, and i said something about i thought it would be different. He said he never said he liked me or implied he did (really?), a whole bunch of chit chat went on. In a nutshell, he doesn't like me, the sexting was just a 'physicality', he really enjoys talking to me, he tried during the school year but we 'just didn't have that connection, and i'll know once i'm serious with someone', and he plans on staying with his girlfriend when school starts. I'm still going to see him in a few days, but only as a friend. He says he still enjoys talking to me, but right now we're not going to be in a relationship.

 

I'm like heartbroken. idk. I really, really like him. I'm not in love with him, but it's whatever is between like/love. There are a few things that confuse me:

1. how can he say he doesn't have feelings for me anymore? what guy talks to a girl almost every night of the weeks, sexts her, says cute things, but actually doesn't have feeligns for them.

2. He acts like his relationship is so good with his gf, but how can it be? he sexts/talks to me all the time. well did.

3. I think this was only brought up because i'm about to see him. I don't think he wanted me to try to have sex or anything when i saw him, because he knows that's not right, the gf/me thing (not like sexting is, but this is more serious).

 

idk. i am going to try to just be friends, i know that's what i should do.

i just don't understand him, or anything.

 

so advice about him, what/why he's doing, or anything would be nice. sorry it's so long.

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Having been in a similar situation I can tell you this:

 

It was totally fruitless for me to second guess whether he really had feelings for me or not, he voted with his priorities. It didn't matter how he felt, it only mattered what he wanted (or in this situation what he didn't want, me).

 

Let yourself off the hook, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go find a nice man who will give you some of his undivided attention.

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A couple of things came to mind while reading this:

 

1.) I don't believe for a second that he's in an "open" relationship. I think the reason he keeps going back and forth between wanting to be with you a lot and backing away is that he's afraid of getting caught by his exclusive girlfriend.

 

2.) I know you're heartbroken, but look at it this way: even if he DID leave his girlfriend to form a relationship with you, you'd never feel secure with him because of what he's put you through. You like/love him, but you'd find it hard to be truly happy with him because you'd be worried about his behavior all the time.

 

Having said that, he sounds like a waste of time. Continue a friendship with him if you please, but just realize that you deserve so much better!

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You sound very depressed with your guy. I think he has "some" feeling for you too. It's just that, she has a girlfriend and he is not serious having those feeling for you. I think he's just using you physically and emotionally. It is because, his girlfriend is not with him all the time, i mean she's in abroad. Try to ask him if he has somewhat "feelings" for you. Maybe it works. Much better if you say to him what you really feel. Cause its hurting you much when you keep it only to yourself. Try reading other articles maybe it might help you divert your attention. link removed with this title "Relationship breakdown".

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why do you put up with this wishy washy behavior? you're going to hear this from a lot of people, but you're young and you're going to meet someone that's going to treat you with the respect you deserve.

 

and don't judge people by what they say. judge them by what they do and this guy has made it clear to you that you're not important to him. the best thing to do is to let him go.

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alright, well thanks, i know i should do those things--it's just finding the willpower to do them.

 

 

also, i should have said this before. she is no longer abroad, she came back when the semester was over. she does not go to the same college as us, but they do live in the same town.

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