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aldridal
English Conversation About Communic...
English Conversation About Communication

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So, over the past 2 months, I have been learning the ground rules for LDR communication both by experience and from this site. I'd like to get a little dialogue going here about what works, what doesn't work, and why.

 

Texting

Texting is dangerous if it's your only form of communication. The English language is very complicated, and the way a sentence is worded can have a dozen different meanings depending on tone. Thus, carrying on a harmless conversation can quickly turn deadly, and cause unnecessary problems for an LDR.

 

Not all texting is bad, though. A "good morning text" is a nice touch (ladies, correct me if I'm wrong here). Guys, if you're busy during the day, like most people are, send your girl a text in the morning, wishing her a good day and saying you'll talk to her later.

 

Use texting for quick little "just thinking of you" types of messages. Not convos. Do this, you'll be much happier.

 

 

Phone Calls

Don't overdo it with the phone calls. I've gotten in the habit of calling every night, and if she doesn't answer, I know she's either sleeping, with friends, or doing something else and doesn't have time for a lengthy phone conversation. If you do the "call a day" thing, just leave it at one phone call, and if you don't hear back that night, use this handy thing called trust. Again, with my experience, I spent an entire night worrying about stupid things because she had not returned my call, only to receive a text the next morning (followed by a phone call shortly after) explaining that she was up late doing loads of work for a class.

 

When the conversation gets dull, end it. Don't push it on for too long just because you can't get up the nerve to end the call. It took me 2 weeks to figure this out, but once I stopped worrying about the length of a call, we had much better conversations. Some days you may only talk for 5 minutes, other days you may talk for 1.5 hours. Some days your SO may be pissed off at the world, other days they may love the sound of your voice. Whatever happens, don't take a single phone call personally.

 

 

Letters

This is one thing I have not yet experimented with yet. IMO, sending a letter on top of texting and phone calls is getting a little.... creepy. Special occasions though, such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc... are nice. My LDR is only for the summer, and I plan on sending 2 letters total. One for her birthday, another along with a care package after she has a small surgery.

 

 

Online

Again, I don't have much experience with online communication with my girlfriend. Neither of us have webcams, and she's not a big fan of sitting in front of the computer. I think it totally depends on the relationship, and if they want to sit in front of a screen or not. Personally, I'm OK with not doing a webcam thing, but I know others will disagree here.

 

 

Face to face

When you meet face to face, make every second count. Let the small things go. I can't stress this enough. If they say something that rubs you the wrong way, don't spend precious time arguing about it. Enjoy the time you have together, talk about your lives, your goals, your future, and just have fun. The more fun you have, the better you will feel when you have to part. If you argue, you'll only leave feeling unfulfilled. Luckily for me, neither of us like to argue, so this has not been an issue

 

 

 

Congratulations - if you've read all the way through this post, you deserve a pat on the back! I decided to write this because communication in an LDR is so incredibly important, and it's taken me 2 months to get it to where I feel semi-comfortable. You can always tweak things, but always operate under the assumption that your SO wants to hear from you. If you are worried about texting too much (unless your inbox is 1/2 of your outbox), relax. More than likely, if your partner likes/loves you, they want to hear from you. Use your best judgment, and chill out.

 

That's my words of wisdom, hope this helps somebody!

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I think people should do, what they feel is right for themselves and are confortable in doing...

 

I personally loved it that he'd call every single day and sometimes up to 4 or 5 times a day....and an hour on the phone every time. Wasn't too much communication in my situation. I never got bored or fed up of hearing from him...

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when i first started talking to the girl im "talking" too, we stayed on the phone all night, from like 12-7am sometimes. now, we've dwindled down and talk maybe an hour on the phone/night. but we usually chat on AIM for a few hours. I'll also text her here and there just to say hi and that she's cute and such (girls like compliments right??)

 

IDK how this will play out. Its been three weeks, but yes communication is key! hopefully the distance doesn't last and later it'll get more serious.

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To be honest, talking on the phone is just not the same as in talking face-to-face. I tend to run out of steam sometimes. But when you just relax and let go of the fact that you're apart, it can really feel as if you are right next to each other. I usually just call a couple times a week at least.

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With me and my girlfriend, skype and webcams have been a godsend... it's been difficult for us being in a LDR because we both need intimacy so bad. We just spend hours and hours both laying on our beds naked, talking to each other on webcam.

 

Sometimes we webcam or just voIP and leave it running as we go about our day to day business so even if we don't talk we can feel close.

 

We use facebook mobile (in different countries so can't text) to 'text' each other too, so that we can always be in contact.

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OP: I agree with everything you wrote. I was in a LDR for almost 2yrs and that pretty much summed up our communication style. BUT, what works for some might not work for others. Some people need or want to talk on the phone a few times a day and text like crazy. I guess the trick is to find someone you're on the same page with, as far as how often you desire to communicate.

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  • 4 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
I think people should do, what they feel is right for themselves and are confortable in doing...

 

I personally loved it that he'd call every single day and sometimes up to 4 or 5 times a day....and an hour on the phone every time. Wasn't too much communication in my situation. I never got bored or fed up of hearing from him...

 

I agree with this.

 

Relationships are not like a maths formula...

What it works in one doesn't work in another one... There are about feeling in the same level of connection and harmony...

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Thank you. I am new to my ldr. This post helps a lot. It made me smile in some spots too with happy memories, like the good morning texts, mine sends me those, and loving your to hear your voice. I just got my voice back after being sick. I called him today to say "I have a voice again" and he said "It's a beautiful voice." I told him his was too and I liked hearing it. He said he feels the same about mine.

 

I agree, communication is so important. For a while he was working so much we barley talked and it made things hard. But now we talk a few times a week and I am planning to travel to see him for Valentine's Day. He's going to try to make it up here sometime this month too, but it might not happen. It's hard for him financially right now.

 

Anyway, enough rambeling, I just thought I'd say thanks and share a little of my own expierience.

 

Oh and also, make sure you send your ldr SO lots of pictures of you. I look at pictures of my Brian everyday. Sometimes it makes me smile. Sometimes it makes me cry. I listen to his voice messages a lot too, especially when he called for the sole pupose of telling me how pretty I am.

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I love it whenever the mobile rings and I see my SOs name and picture on it! I also don't mind if he calls me 20 times a day! However, I do agree that if a times conversation seems to be dull, you should just end the call..

 

I also agree, with the time spent face to face, it is precious. Unfortunately I havent followed this rule very well and have wasted valuable time arguing on some of my trips, and now that I look back, I kinda regret it a bit..

 

One thing that sometimes we do, is just stay on the phone, while we're doing other things, like cleaning, watching tv, facebooking, talking to other people and even sleeping..

 

Sometimes is not a matter of talking, is a matter of knowing that special someone is there...

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My boyfriend and I text almost all day and I love it. it makes me feel like I can contact him anytime I need. The only time we don't text is if we're you know sleeping/in class/at dinner but while he's at work he can text, so thats nice! I'd feel lonely if we couldn't text.

 

We talk on the phone almost every evening before we go to sleep, just lie in bed and talk. sometimes it's only for 15 minutes, sometimes 1.5 hours.

 

I get to see him almost every 2 weekends. So that's nice I wish it was more,...like a few times a week but hey this is good for an ldr

 

i'd like us to add in some skype conversations! His laptop has just been having issues so hes had it sent in for a while to be fixed. Gr!

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we communicate a few times a week... it is ok, but not easy

he sounded a bit off with me on the phone yesterday so i called him back later in the day twice, he didn't answer, i send him an sms which hasn't delivered... his phone has been off (or out of signal) since then

 

KEEP THE FAITH!! - it's the only way!

 

Thanks goodness i only have 5 weeks to go!

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we talk on the phone everyday when he is away but normally just one call about 15 mins long. We send a few texts during the day to each other around this. & just started using facebook chat to each other but that is very rarely! I think you can over do communication like we did initially as i used to get very paranoid when we stopped going ott wondering what is he up to etc or if something was up! Now i think we have got the balance just right and seeing that name flash up on my phone agh the butterflies still hehe x

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My SO and I are 2 hours apart but a lot of the the time, it's even further as his job takes him all over the NE on a daily basis. Needless to say, our face to face time is very limited. We talk on the phone, we email and we IM on a regular basis. Even if one of us is working and we know we can't talk on the phone, it's nice to see that the other called, even though we can't talk, just to say, "I'm thinking about you." When we do that, we don't even leave messages sometimes, knowing that caller ID will show it. And that's what matters the most. Knowing that your SO is thinking about you.

 

As far as writing letters, call me Old School. There is nothing like receiving a letter, hand-written, from someone you love. It's physical and tangible and a keepsake. It can be inclusive of little things that make it so much more personal than an email or a text. And you get to see and almost touch these little things, like their handwriting - depending on their mood. Nice and flowing when their writing about something happy & comforting, a little disheveled when their writing about something intense. So much better than a text, an email or an IM (which I do keep copies of anyway!).

 

Don't ever think that a hand-written letter is creepy... unless, of course, you're not actually in a relationship with the other person. Then it is a creepy!!

 

Skip the Greeting Cards unless it is a special occasion but write those letters!!! It's a dying art!!!!

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