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Is it a date if he invites another friend?


stella74
10 Unique Date Ideas
10 Unique Date Ideas

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If you have a date planned in advance - time and day are set for an event that the two of you schedule together, just the two of you - is it still a date if the man invites a mutual friend along?

 

This just happened to me today and I'm confused. It was clearly a date. He asked me and I accepted. And now he just told me he's bringing along a friend of ours.

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I would be totally honest with him and say that you took this as a date and since it appears he is uncomfortable with that it would be best if you canceled the engagement and just remained friends.

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Thanks DN and bmwm3, that's good advice to explain I thought this was a date.

 

Scorpion Fury - This is a different man than the one I posted about in my last thread, although I mentioned him briefly in that one because I was happy I'd been asked out. This current guy - the one who invited his friend - is someone I've known as an acquaintance through mutual friends for about 5 years. I ran into him and a woman at a restaurant recently and then emailed him that it was nice to see him and his girlfriend. He wrote back right away that she wasn't his girlfriend, just a friend, and then he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him. I accepted and gave him my phone number. He called and we set up the date. The guy he invited along is someone who had a crush on me a long time ago, which makes this doubly uncomfortable.

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Well, I just called him and told him that I thought this was a date and that I was uncomfortable having our friend tag along. He said he was sorry and added he had asked me to get together as a friend and then asked me if I still wanted to get together another time just the two of us. I asked him to clarify whether he was interested in a date situation or just hanging out as friends. He said as friends. So I canceled. He thanked me for being honest.

 

Bummer! But thanks for helping me with this. Now I don't have to wonder what he was thinking and I don't have to be in an uncomfortable situation.

 

It's so weird that he clearly asked me out on a date and then he back pedaled

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I would be totally honest with him and say that you took this as a date and since it appears he is uncomfortable with that it would be best if you canceled the engagement and just remained friends.

 

I agree

 

"I thought it was a date. But, since you invited a friend, I don't think we're on the same page."

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Well, I just called him and told him that I thought this was a date and that I was uncomfortable having our friend tag along. He said he was sorry and added he had asked me to get together as a friend and then asked me if I still wanted to get together another time just the two of us. I asked him to clarify whether he was interested in a date situation or just hanging out as friends. He said as friends. So I canceled. He thanked me for being honest.

 

Bummer! But thanks for helping me with this. Now I don't have to wonder what he was thinking and I don't have to be in an uncomfortable situation.

 

It's so weird that he clearly asked me out on a date and then he back pedaled

 

You handled it very well. Sorry to hear it wasn't a date though. Sounds like he's bad at giving signals.

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**** He's Just Not That Into You.

 

Hate to say it, but I have done this to women when I enjoyed their social interaction more than me actually wanting to date her.

 

*Oops didn't see the second page of this.

 

Why is he made to look like the bad guy though? He wants to hang out with you. Did he actually lead you? Maybe his intention was to be friends with you all along? If thats the case, why not make a new friend, who knows what might develop in the future and what people you can meet from a new buddy.

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I find this situation so odd, given that he explicitly asked if he could take you on a date (not something ambiguous like "we should get together some time")! I'm having a lot of trouble understanding why he invited this other man along.

 

I think I would tell him directly that you thought this was a date, and are a bit confused as to why he is bringing this friend along. It's not the smoothest approach I suppose, but I would want to find out.

 

Edit: Just saw your update. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I think you handled it very well!

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Why is he made to look like the bad guy though? He wants to hang out with you. Did he actually lead you? Maybe his intention was to be friends with you all along? If thats the case, why not make a new friend, who knows what might develop in the future and what people you can meet from a new buddy.

 

I don't think he's a bad guy, just a little strange and a poor communicator. He initially clearly asked me out on a "date".

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