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Ok, so I broke off with my gf almost 2 months ago.. I didn't see it going any further and we would've hit a dead-end soon anyways.. so I called it quits and she took it hard the first few days but cooled down soon after (shes an over-dramatic person so go figure).. and classes have been out (for her) so I haven't seen her since then which is probably a good thing looking at how things have been going lately..

 

I tried doing the no/low contact thing at first, except she got all saying "you shouldn't shun a friend. blah blah " and that bs. So I talked to her a little, mostly about how things are going for her.. (this was all online btw..)

But now I get a rather heartfelt email from her which screams "i'm not gonna move on ever and die waiting for you" in a nutshell..

 

Its just so pathetic to me, I don't get her at all. She has a big social personality, gets along with everyone, too well might I add and has a lot of guy friends, but she's not letting go of this one small thing we had, and only for 2 months might I also add. I personally think there might be other issues involved (gold-digger..) but I don't want to say anything about that to her.. Reason being, we have a lot of mutual friends and if things end badly between us, it could put my other friendships in jeopardy..

 

I need some advice on how to reply now that she's made things uncomfortable by saying all the i love you .

 

I should also mention that she still thinks there's a future for us, and hasn't taken a hint that I'm not feeling it anymore..

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No worries bro. It's more her problem than yours. No matter what you do, you know as well as I, your not going to change what she thinks. You did right to tell her straight up you didn't want anything from her early in the relationship, takes alot. Many people would just cheat and lead the other on, you have class. Either way, It's her problem not yours. You handled your business like a real man. You can't control every outcome, just be yourself, speak high of the situation and give your friends the opportunity to see the situation for what it is. Whatever she says or does, shouldn't have a huge impact on your self being. Hope that helps.

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I need some advice on how to reply now that she's made things uncomfortable by saying all the i love you sh!t.

 

I should also mention that she still thinks there's a future for us, and hasn't taken a hint that I'm not feeling it anymore..

 

Hoo-boy, I've recently had a similar situation, in which a guy I was dating for less than a month took the break-up very hard (we were friends beforehand and it turned out that he'd been harboring a crush on me for quite some time). Five months later he still can't handle being in touch with me. I find this puzzling and also a bit frustrating, but I realize that I have to respect where he's coming from simply because that's where he is, not because I think his feelings are justified, nor because I share them.

 

I've recognized that this guy had built up a fantasy version of me: I check off a lot of boxes for Things He'd Like to Have In A Partner. I was a considerable upgrade from his ex-girlfriend. So he wasn't prepared to let go when I decided that we had to call it quits. Do I think he's being a bit melodramatic and making a bigger deal out of this than is warranted: yes. Am I going to tell him that: no.

 

Chances are something similar is going on with this girl. What you want to do is be kind but unambiguous that you guys are not going to get back together. Keep it light, act as though you kind of assume she's half-kidding in a bit of meaningless flirtatiousness. How about something like, "I'm flattered and I hope you're kidding! A girl like you should be out there bringing happiness to a good guy. It's too bad that we didn't click but I look forward to seeing you sometime with . Take care!"

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Im on the other end of what you are talking about and i am a guy. i considered myself pretty tough before my ex dumped me. i actually sent her a stupid letter last week, im guessing similiar to what you received.

 

it has been 4 months for me and everyday is just as tough. everyone handles these things different. i know my ex is dating again and moved on, but i am really still having a hard time with it. you try and try, but it dosent happen. just go nc and make it easier.

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Thank you all for the responses and perspective.

 

vertigo - I've considered that, but I'd rather that be a last resort. She's been through a lot of personal dilemma and I fear by telling her our friendship's over could hurt her more. It's still a viable option, just not right away..

 

lifeiscash - thanks again for the comments. I understand what you mean about it being more of her problem than mine. I know she's gotten closer to good friends of hers, most of whom she'd distanced herself from recently; that's a positive thing for her out of this I suppose. I'll let her self-heal and hopefully with time she'll learn to move on..

 

uhohlala - (like the name btw wow.! that's exactly how our thing started, we were friends for a few months, she had a crush and dot dot dot.. And I admire you for understanding where you ex is coming from, I was once oh so long ago in his shoes and it makes a tremendous difference if the other appreciates your thoughts and reasoning behind your actions.

anyway, I like the sound of ur suggestion. Definitely will help with my reply to her. So thank you!

 

wolf - Appreciate the advice and as much as I would love to go NC right now, it would just make matters worse since we've started talking again very recently. But like I said earlier in this post, I will aim to take our relationship to that level where I can slowly drift out without her feeling left all alone. Hopefully that'll be sooner than later!

And best of luck to you buddy, hope you move on from this period of ur life soon.

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uhohlala - (like the name btw wow.! that's exactly how our thing started, we were friends for a few months, she had a crush and dot dot dot.. And I admire you for understanding where you ex is coming from, I was once oh so long ago in his shoes and it makes a tremendous difference if the other appreciates your thoughts and reasoning behind your actions.

anyway, I like the sound of ur suggestion. Definitely will help with my reply to her. So thank you!

 

You're very welcome! I hope it works out.

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