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How to learn to let GO!


sophia67

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Well, thanks to all those who provided a clear advise to my dilema. It will not be the easiest thing to do, but I will try to stop my affair with this other person. I will be really hard to break to habit of seeing him everyday, share lunch and talk as we always do. It was enlighting to realize that our relationship has no future, and I will only get hurt even more if I continue my liaison with him. I think letting go of our frienship is the hardest. I will always love him, and even if I don't see him, or talk to him.....my heart will be his. I know that best thing I can is to stay with my husband until our children grow up and go away to college (10 years)....and maybe perhaps then I can pursue my own happiness. If I end my marriage now just to be with the one I love, I will hurt my children and my family.....and besides the person I love, will not leave his wife or children for me. I'm left with a very difficult decision, but one that will bring me peace and perhaps after sometime all the love I have for HIM will disipate, and maybe just maybe in a decade when I'm free, I can once again reunited with him, and if he is FREE perhaps we can be together. Any advise on how to deal with this difficult decision?

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Any advise on how to deal with this difficult decision?

I can only say you're doing the right thing by ending this, as there is no future in it as it stands right now. The best way to deal with it is to concentration on YOUR OWN marriage. Put every effort you have into making it work - even if it means marriage counselling. Even more, think of your children and revolve your life around making it a good one for them. Be the best mom you can (imagine how they would feel knowing their mom has been cheating for all these years with another married man who also has children? I don't think that is an image they would want of a mother).

 

This time, YOUR marriage has to come first. Unless of course, you feel that there is nothing worth saving in your marriage, then find a lawyer and start divorce proceedings.

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I don't see you being happy even after you end this affair and i think its somewhat selfish of you to "stick it out" for 10 years always with the intention of leaving your husband and children. Either move on or get your mind around healing your relationship with the father of your children with the intention of making it work and being happy.

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QUOTEbut I will try to stop my affair with this other person. I will be really hard to break to habit of seeing him everyday,

You need to make a clear decision here not "try" to end this affair but END IT..you can do this dont let fear rule you or fantasies..

QUOTE I think letting go of our friendship is the hardest. I will always love him,

saying you will always love someone is basically like telling yourself I will never heal or move forward..Change your focus and thinking. You should be telling yourself i will do this and I will get over this man becuse this relationship is not going anywhere and I will find happiness one day once I learn to be happy on my own. Why dont you test your affair and its strength and realness Dont see him..let him beg to see you and still refuse to see him be very firm about it.. and then see how far he pursues you after this. Most men panic when an affair had ended as they are more concerned that the woman will reveal all to their wife in spite particularly in a case like this where you clearly want more from him... so they leave well alone and back off quickly....this will clarify your importance to him at the end of the day and perhaps you may draw strength from experiencing this.

QUOTE If I end my marriage now just to be with the one I love, I will hurt my children and my family... this statement is not facing reality....THIS man is NOT leaving his wife and family so even if you left your marriage right now your "affair" status will not change..in fact it is highly likely he would find you more threatening to his marriage as 1. you will be more available to him thought HE will not.2. you will become more demanding on him..he will likely withdraw. 3. the old its not as exciting now, may kick in. 4. you will get resentful that you have left your marriage and he as clearly stated has not and will not and you will remain 3rd priority after His wife and children

You will fail at making any sound decisions until you have ended this affair completely and have re evaluated your life and marriage with no one else in the picture. This affair would in fact make you resent your husband more and Im sure you are now even less tolerant of him. your affair is escapism and nothing more. More like a panadol for a headache 4 hour relief but the source of your real unhappiness remains, and your affair is your panadol...Until you find your inner strengths and make some sound decisions you will remain in this awful state of emotional turmoil that you are currently in. take one step at a time.

1. end the affair..period.

2. seek some counselling for your self and discover what you really need and want ..Just you..take the time to do this before you make further decisions

3. never forget family members of real value want to see you happy above all else as do your children. you may be surprised by the support you will receive if you leave your marriage. Those that do support you show that they really care, about YOU

4. your children will survive a marriage breakdown should this happen. you are both adults and an amicable way to do this is very possible...you will ultimately be doing them a favour long term...its not that devastating for children at least it neednt be..not at all..put this in perspective they can still maintain a good relationship with both parents often it is a better relationship or can be amongst separated parents as the children have more QUALITY time with both parents. Their life has far from ended if their parents simply reside in different homes

Just do one thing at a time and do Not waste 10 years of your life deciding what that is . Life is too short and TIME is never redeemed...happiness can be....find your happiness in a healthy way.

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