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Not sure what to do. Help please!


twinklet

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Before any of you say anything, I know snooping is bad. It's just lately I have felt uneasy, like there is something I don't know about, like a gut feeling and it's eating away at me.

 

Anyway,

 

I checked my BF's facebook account and found a message, which he hasn't read yet from a girl who is so obviously interested in him and offering her number. I believe he might have met her sometime last weekend. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I feel sick. I don't think anything happened from the message. I am just wondering if I should delete the message, or wait for him to read it and check his response?

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Does he know your logging onto his account? That could be a breach of trust, and dont delete it, its his message.

 

At the same time, if he hasnt replied, or shown any interest, she might just have found him on facebook and decided to try her luck, chances are he'd reject her anyway.

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Stop snooping on his messages!!!!!

 

If he wants to get a new girlfriend he will do it no matter if you try to control him or not. The only thing you can do is push him away from yourself by showing that you don't trust him.

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If he wants to get a new girlfriend he will do it no matter if you try to control him or not.

 

I agree with this. You have no control over your bf's actions.....if he is going to cheat, he will, which is why it is a total waste of time worrying. Now you are equipped with this info however, you have to now ask yourself whether you can trust your guy or not and choose whether or not you want to be in this relationship any longer.....

 

It sounds to me like he may have approached her and she thinks she screwed up her chance with him, by not being that talkative to him.....therefore she has found him on FaceBook, hence her contact. She is the one pursuing.....can you trust him that this will go no further, is the question you need to be asking yourself.

 

Sometimes and at the first sign of doubts or distrust, it is wise to get out. You can spare yourself a lot of grief and further down the road, if you do. If I'd had the sense to leave at the first sign of doubt and after I'd found a note from a woman in my ex Husbands trosuer pocket , I wouldn't have wasted TEN whole years on a man I couldn't trust....

 

Your life though and your choice.

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Thank you for the replies. i agree that i shouldnt have been snooping at all. I have known his password for ages and haven't even looked until now. Just something felt really off. Well i can say that I found nothing else whilst I looked so thats a good sign right?

 

I appreciate and understand what you are saying about having doubts D Lish but the problem with me is that I don't know if my doubts have any bearing or if I'm just being irrational.

 

i guess I will just have to see what he replies.

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I really dont suggest the stalking his online accounts idea.

 

thats a SERIOUS breach of trust, and tbh i think he'd have more reason to split up with u for finding that your doing that, that u have right now because hes recieved a message from a girl.

 

ur bf could be totally innocent in this, and even if he isnt, i agree, if hes going to do it, he'll do it regardless of u stalking him online or not. infact ur giving him more ammo!!

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I appreciate and understand what you are saying about having doubts D Lish but the problem with me is that I don't know if my doubts have any bearing or if I'm just being irrational.

 

Some girl didn't just look him up on FaceBook. He has also either given her his FaceBook account, or his name, for her to have found him on there. She could be some girl he just got friendly chatting with and she's read more into it....or it could be something more sinister, like he got chatting to her because she caught his eye, she went all shy, she regretted it and now she is pursuing him.

 

If I was in this situation I would look again! That is because when I spot a 'red flag', I want to know if my concerns are REAL. I don't like it when people I assume I can trust, hide things from me and who think it fitting, to go behind my back....I'd want to know if I could trust or not, this person who I had allowed into my life.

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Some girl didn't just look him up on FaceBook. He has also either given her his FaceBook account, or his name, for her to have found him on there. She could be some girl he just got friendly chatting with and she's read more into it....or it could be something more sinister, like he got chatting to her because she caught his eye, she went all shy, she regretted it and now she is pursuing him.

 

If I was in this situation I would look again! That is because when I spot a 'red flag', I want to know if my concerns are REAL. I don't like it when people I assume I can trust, hide things from me and who think it fitting, to go behind my back....I'd want to know if I could trust or not, this person who I had allowed into my life.

 

 

Who's to say the guys hiding it though? She said herself that he hasnt even read the message yet.. he might read it then tell her about it, if its perfectly innocent that is. Either way, she has to respect his privacy!

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Who's to say the guys hiding it though? She said herself that he hasnt even read the message yet.. he might read it then tell her about it, if its perfectly innocent that is. Either way, she has to respect his privacy!

 

Respect his privacy, now she has uncovered this? I guess I should have respected my ex H's privacy too and after I found messages on his mobile....the privacy to continue, conduct and allow his affair to continue and all under my nose and without me knowing.

 

Sorry....but I turn a blind eye to nothing that I may have uncovered and have a concern about and I dont think this lady should either....and neither would you, if you uncovered something that you had concerns over.

 

If he tells her about it, all well and good......shows he has nothing to hide.

What if he doesnt mention it however.....you suggest you should just back off and quit being a nosy cow???

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Thank you for the replies.

 

Its a tricky subject. As D Lish said, what if there is something incriminating to be seen, and if I leave it at that now, i am none the wiser even though something might have happened.

 

Well I came up with an idea last night of how to get him to check his messages with me there by sending him a message myself and asking him if he got it.

 

Which I did, and when I got there, the message was deleted, no trace of it and he hadn't replied. Fair enough, but what I am thinking is, if it's all innocent, why delete it and not even bother replying?

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but what I am thinking is, if it's all innocent, why delete it and not even bother replying?

 

He's likely not bothered to reply and deleted it, because he's not interested.

If he'd been interested, he'd have replied, then perhaps deleted....

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He's likely not bothered to reply and deleted it, because he's not interested.

If he'd been interested, he'd have replied, then perhaps deleted....

 

Or he deleted both message and his reply because he suspects that his gf is snooping ;-). You see...nothing good comes from snooping. just worries

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Just dont go there with the snooping. I would rather not know to be honest as I think that if your BF wanted to cheat on you or leave you, you will be finding out at some point anyway. However, as you have already done the snooping, I wouldnt be able to resist asking him about it. Come Clean. There is so much temptation here to "test" this out, but like I said, I just wouldnt want to go there in the 1st place.

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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