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Why haven't i heard from him?


aussielis

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I wrote a post a week ago, its now happened again. see my post below from last week;

been with my b/f for over a year, had ups and downs, he was very jealous of me at the start, didn't like me going out without him and would check up on me. i don't really go out now just to keep the peace.

i was strong at the start but not now.

we have been fighting lots lately, he get really angry and punches walls and has thrown my clothes outside (we don't live together) he keep saying when he is angry that he wants to get rid of me and doesnt wanna be with me, cos he thinks im negative. the only negative i say is if ive had a an issue at work etc but don't all woman do that?i also am having issue's with my flatmate who isn't being very nice and also i think she is not happy cos im still with this guy and dont go out with her anymore.

last night everything was all good and he was ringing me throughout the day and asks me to come over, (i had planned to go shopping) and said i would see him the next nigh, .2 hours later he rings me and says he isn't happy and that im negative and vindictive???

 

this weekend we caught up and he told me he wanted to work at things and was being great, friday we caught up everything fine i had just had a small op so feeling a bit yuck, he was seeing his mates sat night so told me to see mine which i did we spoke on sat everything great. the next day he calls me at lunch but i was dealing with my flatmates sis's issue's so i called back within the hour. we had planned to see his friends for dinner i made a real effort to chat to them as he has said in the past i haven't (mind you it was was after he had called me every name under the sun) he then walks 10 miles in front so i commented on this and he thinks im being cold? he then starts saying why arent i talking to him enough (i was trying to talk to his friends, that's why) he say's we have nothing to talk about and nothing in common. i tried to explain i was talking to his friends. after this everything calmed down he wanted to play pool but im hopeless at it so just watched we then went to watch band and i asked him to come up the front with me to take pics he said 'no'. so i went up anyway for 10 mins. i started to feel ill due to my op and told him this, i then saw my x from 12 years ago (still friends and he was with another old friends) as my bf in bad mood and can get jealous i ran over to him and said 'come and meet my friends, i didnt tell him it was my x' he said 'NO' my bf's friend was there and told him to go over and stop carrying on i asked him again and he said 'NO' i had enough by this stage and walked out i felt humiliiated. bf's mate's girl came running out to see if i was ok and told me i deserve better she asked me to go back in but i was crying and so upset. did i do the right thing by leaving or should i have stayed and worked it out?

i then went to my car and realised my key's were in his flat it was now 1am and it was about 7 degree's and i was freezing. i tried phoning him he wouldnt answer, told him i was outside with no keys, i then just sat on the ground waiting for him to come back. 1 hour later he must of snuck in the backway so i didnt see him and then he comes running down with my belongings and throws them on the driveway and runs off. i drove off bawling my eyes out.

he rang me a week later saying sorry it didnt work out i suggested we get counselling then he started with the your so negative, winger, you make me feel sick from wingeing. he then starts questioning about what i got up to the night before when i went out. he said he was being awful to turn me off and he feels relieved. i told him we shouldnt speak for a few weeks, that was a week ago. no contact? as he hangs up he say's go and party and get wasted with your friends???

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He seems very controlling, clingy, negative, posessive & immature

Stick it out, maybe this time apart is REALLY good. Focus on yourself and go out like you USED to and have fun. The reason he said "as he hangs up he say's go and party and get wasted with your friends??? " was to make you feel bad, obviously he doesn't like you going out, (trust issues), but he shouldn't have any reason to stop you from going out and having fun. Sounds like a good idea you aren't talking. I'd be hesitant to ever talk to him again.

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i am really concerned that while you did post in the abuse&violence section that you may not realize the seriousness of this guys behavior towards you...

i had an abusive x like him,very similar... it's really hard, cause they break down your self esteem. for example, calling you names before you go out, and then you are off, and then criticizing you for your discomfort later. my x used to get mad cause he accused me of smiling at his roommate and that i liked him (i was just being friendly) and then when i was uncomfortable, get angry at me for not talking to his roommate. classic case of never being able to do anything to please due to the fact they are manipulating us and making us feel bad about ourselves. my x used to say that i wasn't qualified for my job. thing is, these guys are really, really smart or so it seems, cause we don't see what they are doing. but my theory is that it's not so much that they are smart, they think about things in a totally different way. you are trying to make him feel good, and he is trying to make you feel bad. and so you don't see his behavior for what it is, in your world it's cause you did something wrong, you didn't make him feel good that's why he's treating you bad. but actually, what you don't see, is that as long as he sees you have any remaining strength as a woman, he is going to belittle you. and then once you have no more strength, he will leave you...

 

what's hard is cause you don't think like him, you can't understand. you think he sees the world with the same lenses that you have, but he does not.

 

there is nothing in the world you, or i, or anyone can do to change people like him. he will always, always, always, always be like this.

 

do you think that being with someone like him will bring you happiness? do you think that he is making you into a better version of you? or a weaker one? do you think that you will be happy with him how he is? he will never ever never ever change. you have to realize this.

 

you might want to check out books like "women who love men that hate women" or "women who love too much."

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i keep blaming myself, i did go out occassionally and make plans with him the next day, then had such a big night was still in bed when we were meant to be doing stuff also i invited him to a party one night and just ignored him and gave him grief about not sticking up for me when a taxi driver ripped us off. this is when he started to go bad...

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