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Giving up on dating? Obsessive behavior?


kevinm
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - D...
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - Do It!

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So I'm considering giving up on dating. It's a long story, but basically I've been single for 3 years after loosing my wife to cancer. I've dated some... some serious and not serious dating. I want a meaningful relationship, but also not looking to get too serious too soon. People I come accross seem to be on one side of fence or the other... either they want to marry me and move in, have kids, etc. or they want to be free and date several people.

 

I've got so many other "things" going on in my life, but basically miss the down times hanging out with a lover and cuddling on the couch, waking up next to someone, sex, etc.

 

I'm considering just giving up for now and concentrating on completing the other "stuff" in my life... focusing on career and remodeling my house, etc. But I also feel that I'll never be done with these tasks as new ones always arise. At the end of the day I want someone to share my life. To join me in this journey.

 

The obsessive part comes into play when I DO meet someone I feel compatible with... I seem to focus so much energy and time. I find myself daydreaming out cuddling on the couch, waking up next to them, sex, etc. I tend to wait long periods of time for them to communicate with me, I obsess about being with them and what my life could be, how I would feel, how great it would be and so on.

 

How do I find that balance? How do I maintain my life without becoming obsessive?

 

-Kevin

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Yeah, I am with you on this... I think dating can take so much time you don't accomplish other tasks. It's hard to maintain a balance, we all struggle with it. I would say step #1 is to not pathologize your thinking. There is nothing wrong with you. We all go through those feelings and emotions. Have some compassion for yourself. Instead of thinking "I have a problem" think to yourself "there are soooooo many other people that are feeling and thinking exactly how I am right now"

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Stepping off the merry-go-round for a while can be your best friend. That thing will always be there when you decide to return to it. The stuff you accomplish in the meantime could me more therapeutic than you realize. Although, I suspect you do realize that.

 

In your corner.

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