Jump to content

Do the dumpees always have to wait?


stabilo

Recommended Posts

Do you always have to wait for the dumper to be in touch more? My ex has recently contacted me twice in the last 3 weeks via text message, being nice to me but hasn't followed it up with much, leaving me hanging on WHY SHE GOT IN TOUCH. The previous 3 months she has not been in touch on her own initiative, and has been cold at times. I'm just wondering if its ever a good idea for the dumpee to increase LC when the door has been left open slightly?

 

I want her back so much. I know I can't dive in and spill my heart out because I'm asking for rejection. How can I do this? I really want to call today. Do I just be nice and friendly and leave it at that? Do I ask her if she'd meet me or leave it until its more clear? There hasn't been a great deal of contact between us (my story was posted yesterday) but I just feel like it might be the right time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you need to establish wether she is contacting you as "just a friend" or is she trying to re-establish the romantic connection you both had in the past.

 

I think she would still have residual feelings for you, having ended a relationship myself trust me there is always feelings there that never totally disappear wether your the dumper or the dumpee.

 

But be careful don't come on to strong, let her come to you and do the work. I know you want her back but don't be a doormat being jerked around whenever she feels like it especially as she has treated you coldly in the past.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh well... i've done NC for 8 weeks now and my ex contacted me 6 times via text messages.

I answered each of the messages immediately and it changed nothing. Ex did neither call nor begin a real communication. It was almost always just a question and an answer except the 2 first communications.

I tried to get rid of him and always said "okay, good night".

 

His last try to contact me was thursday a week ago, I think, and I didn't answer. 4 days later he contacted me again and I haven't answered, either, for 5 days. Yesterday I ran out of steam and wrote him back, because all the time I was like "gosh isn't this exaggerated?? shouldn't I answer anyway??" and so I did..

But it won't chance ANYTHING. I'm sure. Just wanted to get rid of these thoughts.

 

But don't call!!! That's too needy and shows that you still need to contact her..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Strictly answering your question, I would say the onus is on the person who ended the relationship to reinitiate contact. That's a general rule however.

 

However, it all depends on the circumstances. Some relationships end when the dumpee neglects the other and forces them to end it. In a case like that for example, if they want to start things up again, they know where the phone is. There are no universal rules, especially in relationships.

 

But otherwise, try to make do as you are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys - it seems like the best thing to do is to wait for her to come to me again. I just didn't want it going to 4 months without a phone call (but then again, I didn't want it to reach the 3 month mark) and I guess its been this long, a few more days or another week waiting won't make a difference. I feel like I played my part in the break-up, just because I'm a perfectionist and I wasn't being the 'perfect' boyfriend I was for the first 20 months of our relationship...but she is the one who walked away from something truly special, not me.

 

Becca0194 > I never really thought about it that way...but you could very well be right about scaring her away. She didn't respond to my last message (a reply to hers). I imagine she will contact me again via text, and maybe then I'll use that as a chance to call...I hope she does contact. We were each others first love. But she is quite stubborn.

 

As for neglecting, I didn't really neglect. I treated her like a princess for 95% of the relationship. Does anyone have a general opinion on what neglecting entails? I don't think I'm guilty of neglect but she did say she wasn't happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...