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Ugh, Bored, Irritated, and Cranky.


nontoxicglue

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I sure hope this isn't PMS, because I usually don't experience that much irritability.

 

These couple of weeks have just been miserable for me. I've recently moved back in with my mother for summer break and it's so different now. I don't feel like doing anything. I've developed a weird sleeping pattern of going to bed at 4am. Eating a lot and yeah, gaining weight. I'm usually irritated, unmotivated, and just want to be left alone. The house is a mess (some of it is me but most of it is due to my mother's frugal tendencies).

 

I'm so used to being busy in the city-- with classes, work, friends, clubs, and exploring. Being independent. Being able to get places. Now, back in surburbia, I have nothing. I don't have a car. I take the bus...and it takes FOREVER to get anywhere...and most of the things are just...not that interesting. I don't connect with the people here. There's nothing to do. I signed up for a guitar class and was super excited...only to have it canceled due to low registration. I'm interning...but I'm not really excited and pumped like I used to be.

 

I feel kind of hopeless here. Like no one gets me. My high school friends aren't really my friends anymore. We don't have much in common nowadays... My mother is always fed up with me because she says I'm always so moody. But, I think I'm just not being stimulated enough. Most of the time, I'm confined to the cluttered apartment, doing nothing interesting. I have no motivation to clean it because my mother will just hoard things all over again.

 

I watch TV and sometimes play the SIMS, but it's not fun and I wish I wasn't doing it to kill time, but I am. I'm stressing about everything even though I'm mostly apathetic. I worry that I won't be able to go back to school because of insufficient financial aid. I'm anxious about my mother's relationship with her new boyfriend. I worry about getting into the right courses and getting the grades to complete my degree. My friend is always asking me to design things for her with deadlines. I used to be excited. But now, I'm just stressed and uninterested in it. I'm literally going insane. Maybe I'm depressed...I don't know. I've thought about how nice dying would be compared to the miserable time I'm having...but it's just a quick thought...not contemplation. I'm even too lazy to think. What is wrong with me...

 

Isn't it weird that having nothing to do is stressing me out more than cramming everything in?

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You sound like me when I just moved back in with my mother, if you stay there, believe me it doesn't get better, I don't know how old are you but let me tell you, the older you get the harder it is to meet new people and "connect" with someone, but at least it's only summer break for you, why feel hopeless when you know you will be gone soon back to your life? I wish I had that.

 

I don't know what it is either and I didn't get any replies to my post, kind of an irony isn't? you come here feeling nobody cares, "nobody gets you" and then nobody replies, well just wanted to say I understand your feelings and wish I knew the answer to what's wrong, because that is exactly what I'd like to find out and hopefully fix it.

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Its a big change, change is hard. When you were in the city and the hussle and bussle, you probably felt quite free, now you are back at home with your parents, which can do anyones head in. You will get used to it.

 

I hate that sleeping thing, where you get into a strange sleeping pattern. I went through a time about a year ago before I got with my boyfriend where I would just smoke weed all night and go to sleep at about 3am and get up for work at 8am, I was always tired and depressed.

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