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"Whoever likes me, that's who I am with"


BronzedSkin123

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I have heard this phrase several times before, "whoever likes/loves/attracted to me, that's who I am going with". I know ppl who have done this. Do you think this is a wise thing to do?

 

I have thought about doing this, because it seems that the guys I like, don't like me back. Or are taken. So, maybe the next guy who likes me, even if he really isn't my type, I should date him. Maybe I'll finally find myself in a relationship

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It's easy to find a relationship. The difficult part is finding a healthy/happy one. I've never heard anyone say what your wrote but I do know people who settle. Not a good idea or fair to the other person (or to yourself).

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I think this is extremely common actually. It's also rather short sighted...however...better than nothing I suppose.

 

I disagree, I would never settle. Settling for something you do not truly want, will only lead to making you unhappy. People can be happy by themselves, and find out who they truly are in life and what they want; finding someone you love, and loves you in return is worth setting a high bar for.

 

That said, giving people a chance to see how well it clicks is worth it, even if you might not think it would go well, at first.

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I see your point but talk to me if you're still single at 40

 

Of course the population of the world wouldn't be pushing past 6 billion if everyone thought like this (which would be a good thing!)

 

LOL I was single at 40 (not "still single" - that makes it sound like a negative- are 40 year old married people 40 and "still married?") and definitely wouldn't have settled despite my "old age." Now I'm 42, married and a mommy -and very glad that my child will grow up with two parents who did not settle -- wouldn't have it any other way.

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I have heard this phrase several times before, "whoever likes/loves/attracted to me, that's who I am going with". I know ppl who have done this. Do you think this is a wise thing to do?

 

I have thought about doing this, because it seems that the guys I like, don't like me back. Or are taken. So, maybe the next guy who likes me, even if he really isn't my type, I should date him. Maybe I'll finally find myself in a relationship

 

I have a hard time figuring out who/what I like, so maybe that's a better way of going about finding the "right person"

 

really, at some point you have to "settle" no matter what.

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I think the quote is wrong, as I have never heard it. I think it is something like...

 

If you can't be with the one you love

Love the one you're with.

 

----

 

Different dynamic, and not saying I agree with either sentiment.

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I'm not the type to "settle" long-term like marriage to someone I wasn't sure about, but just being honest here, I would probably always go out at least once or twice with any girl who happened to be interested in me ... because it's so rare to the point that they are "special" because of that. Not saying special in a romantic lovey way, but I keep thinking of one thing Corvidae mentioned ages ago about that one girl who at least went out with him. She gave him a chance when no one else did.

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I didn't word that exactly right (didn't really mean "still single" I meant, still looking) however, it is all about compromise isn't it? We aren't going to get EXACTLY what we want - not in life, not in career, not in residences and not in relationships.

 

There is a difference between settling and compromising though

 

Yes - was just trying to point out that not all single people are looking or consider their status to be temporary as in "still".

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I have heard this phrase several times before, "whoever likes/loves/attracted to me, that's who I am going with". I know ppl who have done this. Do you think this is a wise thing to do?

 

I have thought about doing this, because it seems that the guys I like, don't like me back. Or are taken. So, maybe the next guy who likes me, even if he really isn't my type, I should date him. Maybe I'll finally find myself in a relationship

 

I know quite a few people who do this, actually. A friend of mine is doing it right now, I suspect. She met a guy at a club when she was out with a friend. Her friend met a guy, and my friend just sort of started hanging out with his friend for the evening. They exchanged numbers, and met for a date. She has never sounded all that excited about him or impressed with him; in fact, just a few weeks ago she said she did not want to be exclusive. Now, almost over night, they're exclusive, but she still doesn't sound all that thrilled about him. In fact, she mainly talks about what he says or does, but not about what she likes about him, what kind of person he is. Some of the stuff she has told me about him sounds iffy (he has a really caustic sense of humor and says things just for the shock value, etc.) I have yet to hear about how smart he is, how funny, or even how attractive.

I feel like she's just dating him because he's *there.* I feel like she did this with her last boyfriend too, and it ended badly.

 

I don't know. This is definitely a situation I want to avoid. Dating someone simply for the sake of having someone to date is, in my opinion, NOT a good idea unless both people are just having fun and not looking for a serious relationship.

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LOL I was single at 40 (not "still single" - that makes it sound like a negative- are 40 year old married people 40 and "still married?") and definitely wouldn't have settled despite my "old age." Now I'm 42, married and a mommy -and very glad that my child will grow up with two parents who did not settle -- wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Thank you for this, Batya. I cring at he "40 (or whatever age) and still single" line; it implies that we all have an expiration date stamped on us, and that by gosh, we'd better go out and get married before it's *too late.* I know a number of people who have had this mentality, and...well....for the most part, they're in relationships they don't really want to be in but won't move on from becuase they don't want to be "40 and still single" or "52 and still single" or "36 and still single" or what have you.

 

It may be *too late* at some point for me to have my own biological children, but otherwise, as long as I'm breathing, there is still the possibility of finding someone. My grandmother, when she was still alive, had men pursuing her when she was in her 80's, and even some marriage proposals. She declined, but the opportunity was there!

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I didn't word that exactly right (didn't really mean "still single" I meant, still looking) however, it is all about compromise isn't it? We aren't going to get EXACTLY what we want - not in life, not in career, not in residences and not in relationships.

 

There is a difference between settling and compromising though

 

Thanks for clarifying. I think the OP's post implies "settling" more than compromising, but I see what you're saying.

 

I am all about compromising, where I can. For example, I used to say I would never date someone with children, particularly if the person's ex-wife was in the picture and they didn't get along well. Well, I met someone who was in that exact situation, and he was a really great guy, and I re-thought my original stance about the kids and ex-wife. I don't view that as settling for him, but compromising on some of my previously-held ideas of who the *right* guy for me might be.

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I have heard this phrase several times before, "whoever likes/loves/attracted to me, that's who I am going with". I know ppl who have done this. Do you think this is a wise thing to do?

 

I have thought about doing this, because it seems that the guys I like, don't like me back. Or are taken. So, maybe the next guy who likes me, even if he really isn't my type, I should date him. Maybe I'll finally find myself in a relationship

 

I don't think that'd be a good idea, honestly. As mentioned before, it's very easy to fall into a relationship with anybody. But you wouldn't want to just date any ol body would ya? Nah, you want somebody right for you. Somebody that's good for you. But you got to put in work for that, because nothing special comes all that easy.

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I have heard this phrase several times before, "whoever likes/loves/attracted to me, that's who I am going with". I know ppl who have done this. Do you think this is a wise thing to do?

 

I have thought about doing this, because it seems that the guys I like, don't like me back. Or are taken. So, maybe the next guy who likes me, even if he really isn't my type, I should date him. Maybe I'll finally find myself in a relationship

Inevitably, after you've settled with a guy like this, a guy you like will ask you out and you will reluctantly tell him you have a boyfriend. He'll say, "Oh, OK" and slink away never to be seen by you again. Or a guy you like will see you with your boyfriend and scratch his head wondering why a nice girl like you is with someone that she doesn't appear to like too much, and he won't bother asking you out.

 

You could date these guys, but don't become exclusive. Keep your options open.

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