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Men, Women, Emotions


jettison

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Reading this brings back what goes on at home with my husband and also my relationships with a couple of other guys earlier.

 

With my husband it is like he is never able to say what he is thinking when he is saying something.

 

Oh God ! Emotional drama in relationships is all because of the differences in the way men and women are wired I think.

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I think the point of the cartoon is if men do what women say they want and open up to women about their feelings women suddenly find they didn't really want that after all.

 

It does happen like that sometimes.

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I think the point of the cartoon is if men do what women say they want and open up to women about their feelings women suddenly find they didn't really want that after all.

 

It does happen like that sometimes.

 

Very true. I've offered up this quote many times before... "Sometimes the last thing a woman wants from you is exactly what she's asking you for."

 

Also, the cartoon depicts a woman asking for the man to open up to him, but it's not clear to the man just exactly she means by that. "I have to admit... I am really missing my mother these days" is a lot different then telling someone that you are scared of your feelings, and you don't want to look bad because you fear you're feelings, and that's why you don't share.

 

An emotional man can be great and nurturing and not annoying at all for a partnerif he's not afraid of those emotions, and he's not hiding them all the time because he fears who he is and what he thinks. Most women aren't very attracted to men they think can't be themselves or don't believe in themselves.

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I always fall back on "everything in moderation"

 

Clearly the male in the cartoon also represents a stereotype of a person who is an emotional sponge to others.

 

I think a good mix of confidence along with the ability to express one's emotions constructively and honestly is what makes for a successful relationship (for both men and women).

 

I have a friend (female) that I dread calling because I might hear too much about her (negative) emotions and it weighs me down. No one wants to serve as a savior or mental health counselor in a relationship. That's a tough role to fill...and draining too.

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I don't see why the cartoon guy was an emotional sponge - he just told her what his feelings were at the time about what she said and why he was like that. And apparently that was his first time 'opening up'.

 

If that cartoon were a reality that guy - and any man he told the story to - would never again say anything about how he felt to anyone.

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I don't see why the cartoon guy was an emotional sponge

 

I read it that way- his head was down - he talked about feelings of sadness, vulnerablility, insecurity, weakness and fear- after a rather general question.

 

Perhaps I am reading too much into stick figures.

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That cartoon is not only hilarious but also a real eye opener for me. I really enjoy it when my bf is emotionally open BUT there is a limit. The other day he was all cuddly and asking "Do you love me?", and "I'm head over heels for you," and "You've stolen my heart." It was a little uncharacteristic. He's affectionate but he only says that stuff twice a week versus like 10 times in a day. I was a little turned off actually! And it surprised me because that's the kind of goo I really prayed for after my last relationship.

 

It has really made me think about how he must feel if I get gooey. And it has made me challenge myself to accept that aspect of him ... and enjoy it!

 

I love it when he's open; I also love affection and emotional sharing in moderation. And I think he would say the same for me since he's talked about not needing to hear "I love you" a whole lot earlier on in our relationship.

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Well, this is the sort of thing that drives men nuts. Basically it's saying "I want you to show emotion/open up about your feelings but only to my comfort level" - how on earth is he supposed to know what that is?

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I think the point of the cartoon is if men do what women say they want and open up to women about their feelings women suddenly find they didn't really want that after all.

 

It does happen like that sometimes.

 

Sometimes???

 

Well, this is the sort of thing that drives men nuts. Basically it's saying "I want you to show emotion/open up about your feelings but only to my comfort level" - how on earth is he supposed to know what that is?

 

Plus that comfort level is a constantly moving target. Best just not to bother for the most part. Would rather leave them wanting more than reeling back saying or thinking "too much!"

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Basically, I expect that if I should be able to express any sort of vulnerability, my man should be able to express the same. If I ever ask, "Do you love me?" (a question that I think either signals deep trouble in a relationship, an unhealthy insecurity in a basically stable relationship, or playfulness [which is the only situation I've used that question since high school]), I'd expect he should be able to ask the same question. Though if the relationship is stable and he's asking that seriously, I'd have some trouble with that because there's something he's not dealing with internally.

 

What's good for the goose should be good for the gander, I say.

 

But I don't know...in my experience, a guy who meets me in WANTING to be this vulnerable is kind of like hypothetical. Or believing that the Loch Ness monster is still out there.

 

I don't know if guys don't want to be vulnerable, or if that's just what they're indoctrinated with, because of all this crap. But that's the subject maybe for another thread. Hmmm......

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Mine talked way too much about his feelings and not enough about other stuff. If he'd have stopped analyzing his feelings, and my feelings, and actually just been a BF and did stuff with me, it would have been a much better relationship. But dating him was like going to a shrink for 5 years. Everytime we're together, hours of analysis about feelings, and thoughts and this and that.... it just exhausted me and made me angry

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Mine talked way too much about his feelings and not enough about other stuff. If he'd have stopped analyzing his feelings, and my feelings, and actually just been a BF and did stuff with me, it would have been a much better relationship. But dating him was like going to a shrink for 5 years. Everytime we're together, hours of analysis about feelings, and thoughts and this and that.... it just exhausted me and made me angry

 

Amen. This is where people lose their way. It's fine to be in touch with your emotions, but there are other things in this world besides what's going on in your head. I am usually much more attracted to someone when they are showing an interest in their passions, or what's going on around them, or in other people then I am when they are deep inside themselves, and everything has to be some huge, world-altering event.

 

Life is just better when you're not caught up in the muck, and it's nice to be with someone who isn't inclined to always want to take it there.

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Great thread Jettison. Yes, there's a difference between being emotionally open and vulnerable, and being emotionally needy and too intense. The former is healthy, the latter isn't.

 

My ex-fiance was very emotionally open and I loved him for that. It never turned me off. But sometimes, very rarely, he'd cry and become so needy that I felt like his therapist...and that definitely turned me off...especially when it was when he needed to tell me why he wasn't sure he wanted to get married to me. LOL

 

DN brings up a good point...how are we supposed to know when that line is drawn where being too emotionally open is a turn-off? I think you just need to communicate honestly about it, without it becoming a huge emotional drama.

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Seems like it's better to err on the side of saying too little. At least then they can say "he's just being a guy," which is a lot better than "omg therapy hour."

 

Yes, it was painful.... and that was the type of thoughts I was having when he would call or stop by. Sad

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