Jump to content

i am so confused. i could use help..


reneex061

Recommended Posts

well about 1.5 months ago my now ex, decided that it would be best if we were to go on a break for a while. he said that he just wanted time to himself and that he wanted to figure things our on his own pretty much. he got tired of the fighting all the time and so was i, so i agreed to it.

 

well the other day i told him that i stayed at a guy friends house over night. i told him that i only stayed because i went over so he could help me with my computer and by the time he was done it was too late to drive home, so i just ended up staying. nothing went on at all with my friend, and we slept in separate rooms. my ex completely flipped out on me and thought that me and my friend "did things" together and all this. at first i was afraid to tell him because i knew he would flip out , so i lied to him..and he was really mad that i lied to him so i can understand that. BUT before any of this happened, i told him that i might be going over to my friends house one night so he can help me with my computer, and my ex told me that he didnt care at all and it wouldnt bother him. and he didn't once tell me that if i did that, he would be done with me completely.

 

well when he wanted to go on this break, he never told me that i couldnt hang out with my guy friends and he never exactly told me what this break considered. the whole time on this break, he treated me like i was completely single, which i am, break or no break. and he would treat me like im stictly a friend and nothing more. well while he was flipping out on me he was telling me that our break is over and that he is never going to get back with me ever. i was so confused because i would say to him "i thought you told me that you didnt care if i hung out with him"...and he would keep telling me that he didnt care but he was mad i lied to him. i honestly think that it bothers him a lot that i stayed at a guy friends house and he just wont admit to it. he kept telling me that i ruined this break and he was saying really mean things. he was pretty much trying to make me feel bad. i told him that i wasn't going to drive back home for 45 mins at 1 am, because i was already tired and i could just go home in the morning.

 

he never told me really anything about this break. he just said that he wanted time to himself, which he is getting. he never told me that i cant hang out with guys or that im still technically with him. but i consider myself single, because he isn't my boyfriend and we don't act like were dating. he treats me like a friend so i figured thats what i am to him. but apparently he seen it differently and never told me anything. he pretty much left me in the dark this whole time during our break. and i figured i might as well do whatever i want while im single because i know when were back together i wont get to see my friends as much. another thing..ive asked him so many times if he would care if i dated someone else and he would always tell me no that he wouldnt care and it wouldnt bother him. (not like id date anyone any ways, i just wanted to know if hed care) but when i stay the night at a guys house he flips? that doesnt make sense..

 

can anyone give me any advice on what to do? yeah i know i shouldn't have lied to him, but he has lied to me so many times while we were dating..and i didn't want to hurt his feelings and have him flip out on me. but i felt i had to be honest with him and tell him what i did last week. i just dont fully understand why he is acting like we are still dating and that i have to tell him who im hanging out with and stuff. can anyone help me understand why he is so mad at me? none of my other friends would get mad at me for staying the night at a friends house, who is only my friend and nothing more..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, if he did a similar thing and spent the night at some other girl's house and then lied about it - how would you feel about that?

 

i am not condemning you for doing that but just asking how you would feel?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, if he did a similar thing and spent the night at some other girl's house and then lied about it - how would you feel about that?

 

i am not condemning you for doing that but just asking how you would feel?

 

well i told him that id feel pretty upset if he did that, but there wouldnt be anything i could do about it. see i would have never done it if i knew hed but upset..but i even asked him if he would be upset or if it would bother him and he told me no

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a shame that neither of you has been completely honest here - him by being inconsistent over the 'terms' of your separation, and you by being confused over his response, which was slighly unreasonable.

 

It seems though that there are major communication problems between you too and I'm afraid I have to agree that this may in the end mean your relationship is incompatible. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, just wow.

 

So, it is okay for him to have all the time in the world to do whatever he may be doing, BUT its not okay for you to do the same?

 

Um, from the sounds of your post and the way he was acting it sounded like you two were still dating in some unofficial way or something. Once you are on a break (really, thats a break-up) you do not have ties to that person. And yet, he says that you can't hang out with some guy?

 

That is ridiculous. Give him an ultimatum. He cannot have control over everything you do and at the same time be free to do whatever the hell he wants. Does that make sense?

 

I hope that helped some.

 

-Ivory

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a shame that neither of you has been completely honest here - him by being inconsistent over the 'terms' of your separation, and you by being confused over his response, which was slighly unreasonable.

 

It seems though that there are major communication problems between you too and I'm afraid I have to agree that this may in the end mean your relationship is incompatible. Good luck.

 

yeah we do have a problem with communication. he never tells me how he feels about anything and when i try to talk to him about things all i get is "i dont feel comfortable talking about this" ...or he tells me he doesnt want bothered with these kinds of questions because we're on a "break".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, just wow.

 

So, it is okay for him to have all the time in the world to do whatever he may be doing, BUT its not okay for you to do the same?

 

Um, from the sounds of your post and the way he was acting it sounded like you two were still dating in some unofficial way or something. Once you are on a break (really, thats a break-up) you do not have ties to that person. And yet, he says that you can't hang out with some guy?

 

That is ridiculous. Give him an ultimatum. He cannot have control over everything you do and at the same time be free to do whatever the hell he wants. Does that make sense?

 

I hope that helped some.

 

-Ivory

 

yeah he always tries to control what i do. he does something but when i do it he has a fit. its very childish if you ask me. and i guess to him we were still technically together but he never once told me that. because when id ask him to hang out or do something he would remind me "we are not together" so what else am i supposed to think? i thought being single is being single..and i thought a break was being single until youre ready to get back with that person...so like i dont know what his deal is

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Ren, if you are having a break in my experience you should not communicate cos then youre not on a break. Sounds like he needs time to sort out issues. I've done the same thing with my ex, said well you do want you want and that sort of thing, but we still kept in touch which never gave me time to really consider what I truly wanted. Now she has met someone else and is happy, I wish we had a real break so that I could have reached the conclusion that I only ever wanted her but at the time there were lots of other things going on so I never had the chance to think. I deeply regret that.

 

yeah i understand. i just don't know what exactly i should do now. he says that i ruined our break, but i don't believe him because he never means anything he says when hes mad. if i would even try to talk to him or tell him anything, he will completely ignore my text and never answer me back. its like a lose lose for me. any advice on what i should do? if anything at all..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...