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Bad feeling about relationship


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Sorry for the length of the read...


So I'm going into my second year of college. At school, I started dating this girl near the end of last semester and things were great. However, we live on opposite sides of the state, so we knew summer was going to be difficult. So a few weeks into the summer, she came out to visit me at my home, meet the family and all that good stuff. My parents liked her and again, we had a good time. She stayed a week, then went home. About three weeks later, I went to visit her, she's in an apartment with no one else around, so we were pretty much seeing each other the entire time. About the 3rd day, I started getting this feeling, not sure how to describe it really, kind of anxious, worried about the future, even feeling a bit smothered. I figured it would go away, and tried to forget about it. Well, it stayed and the more we hung out, the stronger it got.


This is the first real relationship she has been in, so I was a bit hesitant to talk to her about it, so I called another female friend to talk about it. Even though I've never had this feeling before, she said it's something normal. As I continued trying to explain it to her, she started asking other questions, like if I wanted to break up with her...and it surprised me that I didn't say no, and said "I don't know" instead. After I got off the phone with her, I decided to go talk about it with my gf. I was still worried about how she'd take it, so I worded it a little different. As I was talking to her, I started realizing things and saying them. I told her I'm worried about how the next semester will go and that I want time to hang out with friends and stuff still. She said she understands and is fine with me having "me time." I felt a little better after this short talk, but the feeling quickly returned and only started to get worse and worse.


After a few more days, I drove home. I had a long time to think on the drive and realized some things. I like spending time with her, but I've been feeling more and more smothered by her. I know it was just us at the apartment for the week, but we had to constantly be together and she had to be holding my hand or holding each other or kissing or cuddling...we pretty much had to be touching at ALL times. Then when I left, she had been constantly telling me how much she misses me, and how much she can't wait to see me again and things she misses about me and how sad it is making her to be apart. And it seems like that is ALL she wants to talk about. We never seem to have anything to talk about. I guess I'm also starting to worry that the relationship is based solely on the physical side. We haven't had sex, but close to it, and she tells me she's ready for it...but I'm not. Everything on the physical side of the relationship moved very fast, but we still don't seem to have things to talk about.


I'm terrified to hurt her in anyway...she is very sweet and caring and deserves lots...but I'm just getting this bad feeling about the whole relationship. She doesn't have anyone with her right now since she's away from home, so she wouldn't have anyone to go to IF we broke it off, I haven't made any decisions yet though. Again, it's hard to describe the feeling. Kind of a mix of anxious, worried about her, feeling trapped and smothered and what the future will be like.


With all this, keep in mind this is her first real relationship. I just don't know what to do about this feeling. Any help or advice would be very appreciated. Thanks and sorry again for the long read.

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It's normal what you're feeling, but fear should not rule out your life; including your relationship. Your focus should be on school right now.


Also staying in a relationship that you're not happy in will cause her more damage than being honest with yourself and break up with her. If she finds out that you have been stringing her along and that you do not love her as she does for you, you will be at serious fault. And people do find out when their partners don't truly love them back.


You need to find somebody who will make you happy, and from I've read she isn't your type. Break ups and rejections are a fact of life; she will learn to get over it when it happens. It's rough to deal with it, but she can't just rely on you as her only social networking- she needs to expand it on her own. You can try to go as friends, but this only works if the feelings are mutual and there aren't attractions between you two.

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