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To send a B-day card or Not?


AmandaB

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Ive been in NC since HE broke up with me a little over a mont ago. Together for 6 years, friends for 8. He hasnt bothered to contact me. Do you send a card for their B-Day or let it go? I never forget B-Days and he knows that.

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AC143, were you ever on here for a breakup? I see you just got married, congrats.

 

Yup, that's why I joined back in 2003 (deleted all my old posts) then came back about a year ago lol. I been thru my share of break ups! They are all hard, but one thing is true - if the person who breaks up with you wants you back, they will let you know.

 

Are you wanting to send the bday card in hopes of getting back together?

 

& thank you

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Thats awsome. I hope to get to that point again. We were engaged. Well a little of both. I would feel bad for not sending it but I dont think I can handle not getting a response and Ive had NC since he broke up w/ me.

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I am extremely mixed. I would just feel bad for ignoring it but afterall he broke up with me. And I would not be telling the truth if I didnt say that I wish he would come back. I also would be broken if I just got that friend response. I feel so fragile right now.

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I am extremely mixed. I would just feel bad for ignoring it but afterall he broke up with me. And I would not be telling the truth if I didnt say that I wish he would come back. I also would be broken if I just got that friend response. I feel so fragile right now.

 

You are fragile right now & sending the bday card might make things worse for you. NC is NC, that includes bday/holidays etc...

 

He broke up with you, keep repeating that. If he wants you back you will know it whether you send the card or not. Keep your head up.

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Well, you were in a relationship for TWO AND A HALF YEARS, of course you're conflicted. That's a really really long time, I've never had one last more than a few months! It's hard, because despite the fact that he broke up with you, you WERE together all that time and your lives became entertwined. Now that it's over you need to work on untangling your life with his and move on from it. I think if you send the birthday card it'll really suck waiting to see if you get a response. You say he hasn't spoken to you all this time. I'm sure that doesn't mean he hasn't thought of you, but is just moving on. You should probably just do the same. A birthday card is a sweet gesture, but it'll hurt like hell if he ignores it, and if he does respond to it, it'll make it that much harder to move on if he doesn't want to get back together (which he hasn't really shown evidence of). I'm sorry, but my advice is to just ignore it. Do you think if it was your birthday, he'd send you a card?

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We were together for 6 years, engaged actually. We even planned a wedding and he backed out of it. He broke up with me 4 days aftere my b-day. I really wouldnt know if he would send a card. I have no idea to tell you truth. I never even thought he would leave our relationship so I dont know anything about him right now.

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PLEASE DONT SEND HIM ANYTHING! He broke up with you and has not contacted you....that speaks volumes...I mean he is doing you a favour not contacting you...I wish my ex didnt contact me right after we broke up...would have made it much easier! I think the ex's that dont contact after breaksups are doing the dumpees a huge favour...be thankful and MOVE ON and dont contact him...if he wants to talk about u or regrets his decision...he will contact u..

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well....My ex broke up with me on the 13th. We have been NC for 2 days, and I plan to keep it that way. My birthday is on july 5th. I do not want a card or a message or anything from her. I love her and care about her so so so much, but that would hurt me to much. The only reason I would want her to contact me is to get back together. But I doubt that will ever happen and that hope needs to leave my head.

 

I know your situation is different because its her birthday...My ex is graduating from highschool on the 26th. I want to be there for her, go with her, congratulate her..but I wont. Because I want to get past this. And E know contacting her will do no good.

 

I would not give him a card.

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You see, I want him back more than anything. I Love him more than anything.
I love my ex more then anything, would do anything for her, would die tomorrow just to be with her one more day. Most important person in my life, best friend. Saw her every day. Now she is gone, out of the blue. I would do absolutely anything to get her back.

 

trust me when I say right now i would love nothing more then to run to my ex's house, open the door and pour my heart out to her, beg her to take me back. I feel like I am nothing without her. She was my best friend, my first love, first kiss...first everything. She broke up with me pretty much out of the blue.

 

I know how you feel, but at some point you will have to let go, and move one. Im not saying I have let go, but I am trying to move on. I know what has to be done and im trying to do it, and i don't mind trying to help others similar in my situation, even if I don't have all the experience in the world.. Sending your ex a birthday card is not moving on, it is making this painful experience last longer.

Im sorry.

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I dont' agree. I think she should send it. But only if it is worded properly (no ranting, no begging, no carrying on, no crazy "I want you back" stuff). Only cool, confident, I am still here and I hold-my-head-up-high power girl

 

I understand what you're saying but if she was 'cool, confident, I'm still here and I hold-my head up high' she wouldnt be sending him that card. By sending that card he might think exactly the opposite, or he might ease his own anxiety, or it might been construed as a hand reaching out of the darkness and trying to make him feel guilty.

 

By not sending it he would wonder why she didnt send it , has she moved on, does she miss him etc or he will be relieved and thank god she has moved on - Either way is a winner for the OP.

 

If your gonna do anything OP, then send a text 'happy birthday' and thats it. The ball will then be in his court as to whether to reply or not but you must prepare yourself for no reply or a string of texts leading to nowhere but more hurt and emptiness, or he might even say that he is fine, got a new gf etc. Weight up the risk to yourself.

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Thanks for all your help guys. Ive bene worrying about this since he broke up with me and I still cant figure it out. I was going to send one then I found out what he has been doing since the breakup, partying every weekend and staying out until dawn.

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I sent the ex a card just after we broke up because she had been having a rough time outside the relationship. however in the bigger picture it wont get them back any sooner. are you emotionally strong enough to accept that if you send a card you shouldnt wait for a response?

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Dear, my ex broke up with me 4 days before his bday... i had already sent him his present. etc. But you know, I wanted nothing to do but be there for my ex on his bday... heck i would have flown to seen him and spent time, etc. It hurts like anything, but it doesn't mean that you care less. He broke your heart and hasn't contacted you. Tell me, why do you want him to win a mind game in which he knows that can control? Stand strong.

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