LazyDaisy Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Your apology was all about you - him forgiving you, you forgiving you and how you feel. There was nothing about how he feels because of what you said and did. If you want him back - now is the time to tell him that. He would like to think so too, but his logic is, if you broke all your promises, that it didn't mean anything to you, therefore it shouldn't mean anything to him either. So he's making it not mean anything, based on what you did. I have been telling him I will never leave him and then walking out the door every time he does something I don't like. I'm not sure why I do this except as I mentioned above - an ex left me once and it totally shocked me. I have been trying to control this relationship for a long time. I didn't even realize what I was doing. Writing on here does help so much. Link to comment
DN Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Well you need to stop doing that -and you need to tell him that you will. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I have been telling him I will never leave him and then walking out the door every time he does something I don't like. I'm not sure why I do this except as I mentioned above - an ex left me once and it totally shocked me. I have been trying to control this relationship for a long time. I didn't even realize what I was doing. Writing on here does help so much. Like I said, I was pretty much in the same boat as your ex, so I know what it feels like. It feels like death. Trust me, people aren't very willing to forgive a person who made them feel like death. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Like I said, I was pretty much in the same boat as your ex, so I know what it feels like. It feels like death. Trust me, people aren't very willing to forgive a person who made them feel like death. I have been so busy trying to protect my own feelings that I didn't realize how upsetting this is too him. I'm sure your SO didn't mean to make you feel like death. I've noticed by reading the many posts on here that people tend to think women that act like this are mean or a tease or like the drama. I can tell you that sometimes it is none of those things. For me its obvious that I like to be in control - not because I want to control another human being - but becasue I want to control when and how I get hurt. How to stop doing that is something I am going to have to work on. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hi ENA, My BF and I broke up. I had said some really mean things to him in the heat of anger. I have texted him several apologies. He won't even acknowledge them. What kind of person does that? I would hope he would just say - thanks for the apology. But I am getting no response at all. After 3 years together and knowing eachother for at least 10 I would think I would get some response. Its killing me that he won't answer. I am getting obsessed about it. Guys - can any of you tell me why you would ignore an apology from your girlfriend after an argument? DONT send another apology. Give him time to calm down, which he will.... I was in same boat recently. I too had said things in the heat of the moment, awful, horrible things and he cut me off also. I'd sent an apology and 3 weeks after the split. I sent ONE apology, not several...he didn't respond, so I then decided to leave him well alone. Took him nearly two months after the apology, to get back in touch! You are just gonna have to wait it out, as I did. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I have been so busy trying to protect my own feelings that I didn't realize how upsetting this is too him. I'm sure your SO didn't mean to make you feel like death. I've noticed by reading the many posts on here that people tend to think women that act like this are mean or a tease or like the drama. I can tell you that sometimes it is none of those things. For me its obvious that I like to be in control - not because I want to control another human being - but becasue I want to control when and how I get hurt. How to stop doing that is something I am going to have to work on. Point is, he feels lead on, just like I did. Because you were never the kind of person that doesn't break guys' hearts, like you were trying to make him believe when you said you'd never leave him. Yeah, feeling lead on makes someone feel like death. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 DONT send another apology. Give him time to calm down, which he will.... I was in same boat recently. I too had said things in the heat of the moment, awful, horrible things and he cut me off also. I'd sent an apology and 3 weeks after the split. I sent ONE apology, not several...he didn't respond, so I then decided to leave him well alone. Took him nearly two months after the apology, to get back in touch! You are just gonna have to wait it out, as I did. Wow two months! Did you make up? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I have been so busy trying to protect my own feelings that I didn't realize how upsetting this is too him. I'm sure your SO didn't mean to make you feel like death. I've noticed by reading the many posts on here that people tend to think women that act like this are mean or a tease or like the drama. I can tell you that sometimes it is none of those things. For me its obvious that I like to be in control - not because I want to control another human being - but becasue I want to control when and how I get hurt. How to stop doing that is something I am going to have to work on. Most people who do this preemptive strike...who try to control the situation to avoid getting hurt....usually end up hurting themselves way more than the other person would ever have done. In other words, they mistake their partner as the enemy when the reality is that the enemy resides within themself making rash and unwise decisions that mess up their own life. If you have hurt him enough times he may not be so willing to trust you..you did not trust him with your heart but in the end you proved to be the one who was untrustworthy...and that is often the case with people who are obsessed with not getting hurt....what they accuse their partner of are what they themselves are guilty of. Your apology was a non-apology..it was all about you..I don't blame him for not responding...it quite possibly could have made him even angrier at you. If you truly want him back you have a lot of damage control to do...in person...and you would have to show him that you understand how you have made a mess of things and that you are trying to work on yourself. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Wow two months! Did you make up? First time he called, it was like nothing had happened because he didn't mention it. I was surprised to hear from him because after the things I'd said, I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd never wanted to speak to me again. He didn't sound angry or bitter, just his usual self. It was almost like he was picking up, where we had left off and the convo went well, said he'd call again and he did, a week later. That went well. Nothing for two weeks. Then last weekend, a lot of calls from him....so he's moving closer, or it seems that way. Only time will tell if we get back together, but I aint holding my breath till then... Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 First time he called, it was like nothing had happened because he didn't mention it. I was surprised to hear from him because after the things I'd said, I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd never wanted to speak to me again. He didn't sound angry or bitter, just his usual self. It was almost like he was picking up, where we had left off and the convo went well, said he'd call again and he did, a week later. That went well. Nothing for two weeks. Then last weekend, a lot of calls from him....so he's moving closer, or it seems that way. Only time will tell if we get back together, but I aint holding my breath till then... Thats a good attitude. I guess in my case I always want to go right back to speaking every few hours and get back to the way things were right away after a fight and it probably doesn't work that way. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 sounds like he's taking his control back Let him be. Give him time to cool off Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 indeed, let him be for a while... he could be simply cooling off yet probably taking a stance that enough is simply enough. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Thats a good attitude. I guess in my case I always want to go right back to speaking every few hours and get back to the way things were right away after a fight and it probably doesn't work that way. Don't we all, lol and no, it doesn't work that way and particularly if you are repeating the same mistakes time and time again in the relationship, like it sounds like you are and I was. People can reach a point where they feel they have taken enough crap and for some, enough is enough and they walkaway...often for good. Link to comment
dfly64 Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Hello, I am going thru the same thing currently. After 3 weeks of waiting and hoping with time apart for my BF to forgive me he decided to break it off and asked for time alone. I am just devasted. He suggested that maybe we could go out on dates, maybe in time we could give it another run, maybe in time we could have our dreams. But I don't trust that because I trusted giving him the time he needed at first for him to just turn around and break it off - well it was very damaging. Not only do I not receive his forgiveness but I have lost him as a result of my actions (very harsh words were spoken in the heat of an argument). I know I have no choice but to go on. I am just wanting to know if anyone has had this same thing happen to them - where they did finally reconcile with their ex? I really don't believe that all this time helped anything - it damaged us more. Maybe he didn't have the courage at first to break it off - but he did eventually. I cry everyday. I was just emailed by him and asked to stop posting things to FB about us. I am not saying anything mean...they are more sad posts about how I feel. I was hoping he would see that I am hurting just as much. Link to comment
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