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Thornbirds18
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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A brief summary about my story. In a LDR for 10 months after staying together for 2 months. So a year's very loving LDR with frequent visits, calls, emails, and text messages. Broke up six weeks ago because his ex of five years ago wants to move back to his city and be back with him. He was confused. I was hurt deeply and initiated lots of dramas and finally he broke up with me out of my pressure.Made tons of mistakes of begging, calling, emailing, and texting for two weeks without any response until I woke up from my nonsense after coming to ENA.

 

NC for more than a month now and I'm feeling much better and I calm down. I begin to rationalize things and want him back. My anger and hatred subsided. But I told myself many times about how cruel he's been in the recent two months and decided not to talk to him again as long as they are together. But I wonder whether they're together now; if so he's really a jerk and I won't waste another minute on him. If not...maybe a chance to get him back? I told him to vanish if they work out. Does his silence indicate so? But based on his personality - he's a great man- I don't think that he'll jump into another relationship right away because he loves me very much.

 

Really have the strong urge to check on him...but want to get a second opinion so that I won't destroy all my hard work in this past month and maintain my dignity. I'm a little bit concerned that he might think I don't want to have anything to do with him because I deleted all his relatives from my Facebook, and I signed up at a dating site out of anger and wanting to make it even. I'm not ready to date and I still love him deeply. By the way, he doesn't talk to any exes if he's in a serious relationship. Could it be that they've been together? But it's only a short two months! If so I'll respect him and disappear completely away from his life. Thought he was the ONE and life is so sarcastic...

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Are you prepared to find out that he is with someone else? Or for him to ignore your call? It sounds like you've made significant progress on your own, and I think it would be a shame to throw that away for someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

Just remember that whether you decide to contact him or not, it won't change the situation. It won't suddenly make him realize what he's lost, or make him reconsider.

 

I know you want to be with him now, but that will fade in time. Everything you're feeling now is normal, and I know you're desperately trying to get a handle on the situation. I know exactly how that feels. However, I think you would be best sticking to NC and continuing with your healing. Breaking up really is like going off a drug cold turkey...and if you contact him...it'll be like getting your fix...and then you'll have to start back over at square one.

 

Just try your best to let go. It's what is best for you.

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I can't understand why you would even want to be with him let alone talk to him when he got confused about his feelings when his ex came back. If I were with someone and there was even an inkling that they had feelings for someone else, I would be long gone.

 

Also, you say that he doesn't talk to ex's if he is in a serious relationship with someone else, well what stopped him from talking to his ex whilst he was with you?

 

I don't think you should contact him. He made his decision. Leave him to it. chances are they will fail again and I hope you have moved on by the time he comes crawling back to you.

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A little side note: he has everything there and it'll be a total sacrifice for him to leave them behind to move here. Plus the economy is bad. It's difficult for me to land an equovalent job in his city. But I told him I can compromise but I can't be a housewife even for a short while. He didn't mind me being a housewife but I can't just give up on my dream after being devoted to it for so long. Both of us looked for jobs but in vain. Now she's moving back and she doesn't have as many ambitions and aspirations as what I have. This means she's willing to take any jobs or be a housewife. If she's not moving back, could he never have a second thought? His daughter and his loyalty to a family company during the tough economic times made him very unwilling to relocate.

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Very good input...thanks guys. I think that I'll stick to NC no matter how difficult it is. Been fighting with whether to contact him or not for three days. So now I probably will say NC forever unless he crawls back to me. It's hard not to talk to the person once you were so close to. I think the grieving of somebody who betrayed you is the most difficult thing in the world.

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If she's not moving back, could he never have a second thought? His daughter and his loyalty to a family company during the tough economic times made him very unwilling to relocate.

 

Honestly, it doesn't matter what the answer to the question is. It doesn't change the fact that if he wanted to be with you, he would do what needed to be done to make it work. People are remarkably willing to overcome enormous obstacles when they want something, even if doing so defies reason, logic, conveniance, etc. Stop making excuses for him. You're only hurting yourself.

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Honestly, it doesn't matter what the answer to the question is. It doesn't change the fact that if he wanted to be with you, he would do what needed to be done to make it work. People are remarkably willing to overcome enormous obstacles when they want something, even if doing so defies reason, logic, conveniance, etc. Stop making excuses for him. You're only hurting yourself.

 

You're right. It doesn't make any difference just like he said that if we've been married she would back off...Some people hesitate to strive to get what they want if there are many obstacles. But in this case I have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't love me enough to make things work. Yeah, have to move on and never look back.

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