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i just told someone im interested in them, now 20mins later i dont feel the same


iamtrying

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Hi all,hope u are well.

 

I have trouble with understanding and controlling my feelings.

As of late, iv been going thru a rough time. Ive kept to myself basically for the last year and havent really socialized much. Im not interested in having a relationship and am happy being single.

 

So this is really out of my character. And i cant understand it.

But something has just switched in my mind where i feel attracted to alot of my male friends (im female.)

Male friends that i really value as friends. Ive never been attracted to any of them. And ive screwed things up by acting on these strange feelings. And told one of them im interested in seeing them. And now, 20minutes later, i regret it immensely. And i dont feel that for him. But our relationship now seems really strange and not the same. I really hate this. Ive wrecked an amazing friendship.

 

This guy has also been interested in me for a long time, but respected my wishes that i didnt feel the same. So we settled on being good friends. And there were no problems with that.

He's one of those good guys, which is hard to come by.

 

Also ive found myself attracted to alot of gay men. And then getting upset when they say they're not interested in me.

 

What is going on?

 

What should i do now about this guy? helpppp...

 

Im really upset and i cant understand this. Can anyone relate or give me some advice..I need some help on this before I do it again, and destroy more great friendships and make myself look like a fool.

 

I feel so upset by this..thanks everyone.

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If it makes you feel better, towards the end of my last relationship, I started pursuing a guy I'd known for a while thinking that I was suddenly infatuated with him or something. In reality, it was just my heart responding to my boyfriend's total and absolute withdrawal emotionally for the last couple years and I was really wanting human company and contact. Not quite the same as being horny, but I was craving the little things like attention, a hug, to feel validated as a woman and to get some simple affection.

 

My friend was totally freaked out by this.

 

Needless to say, I was smart enough to end the relationship and I've rebuilt the friendship. You can rebuild yours too, just back off a while and go slowly.

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If it makes you feel better, towards the end of my last relationship, I started pursuing a guy I'd known for a while thinking that I was suddenly infatuated with him or something. In reality, it was just my heart responding to my boyfriend's total and absolute withdrawal emotionally for the last couple years and I was really wanting human company and contact. Not quite the same as being horny, but I was craving the little things like attention, a hug, to feel validated as a woman and to get some simple affection.

 

My friend was totally freaked out by this.

 

Needless to say, I was smart enough to end the relationship and I've rebuilt the friendship. You can rebuild yours too, just back off a while and go slowly.

 

 

girl that makes so much sense.... i can totally relate... maybe it isnt so much sex for me but attentiveness and affection... Good call.

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Thanks indie and tuner.

I understand what you're saying, but if i feel like i need love, wouldnt a conciously recognize this. Because on the conscious level, Im happy being single and rarely feel lonely for others. I love my own company and entertainment. Thats just how I am. Perhaps more cold blooded than most people. So do u think maybe on a subconcious level, i do in fact feel lonely - being a human and all, and this is what is triggering these feelings?

It most likely is hormones. But they arent very consistent with my period. Really, i dont know anything about hormones. Being female, I just assumed that hormones only change depending on different times of the month. And last month I didnt have these strange feelings or the month before. But the month before that, I kind of felt like this as well. Or are there other factors that can cause a hormonal change? Im confused.

(I hope i dont sound stupid, really .)

 

Thanks for ur story and advice Cotuner. It makes me feel better that im not just a weirdo, or theres something wrong with me. I guess this must happen to everyone at one time or another. But in my case, it doesnt seem right.

I also want to add after reading your story, that ive been getting 'infatuated' with these people really easily. One day they'll just be my good friend and i wont really need to speak with them too often. Then the next day ill be 'in-love' (infatuated) with them, and just want to speak with them all day and fantasize about them. And start dropping hints about how i feel, until i screw things up. Its so strange. And very bad. I respect and appreciate that these guys respect me (its not that common u come accross really great SINGLE male friends, that respect you as a person and dont ever cross the line - verbally or physically, purely out of respect) and I dont want to turn around and seem like a fool and hypocrite. And destroy such a great thing...

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Maybe gay men and men who are friends make you feel more comfortable. So, your feelings come out of security and comfort that they will not hurt you, yet you aren't attracted to them.

 

Thanks again! This has really got me thinking. Ive not thought of this before. Thanks so much, I think you're onto something. Much appreciated.

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iamtrying -

 

I am a very independent, private person who has spent most of my life alone, and am mostly very comfortable alone. However, there is an aspect of human nature to crave some sort of basic human affection and relating - I think that's where you are at. It's not a needy, clinging thing, compare it more to maybe craving ice cream once in a while or chocolate cup cakes, or whatever. You just would like to have one, but you don't usually want it every day.

 

Affection can be like that too, in between the urge to be in a relationship or actively date. And hormones... they fluctuate all the time for all sorts of reasons. The older you get, the more aware of it you'll become.

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