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antisocial feelings, need NC advice


Copper

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First let me supply an update of me..

Last night I told my ex (as of june 13th) that we had to talk..make a plan. I was planning on telling he I would not be attending karate anymore, but my feelings got the better of me, i poured my heart out to her, told her this was a mistake...but she still felt the same, just thinks im not compatible for her. We hugged for a long time. I just wanna fast forward time and be over her so we can still be close friends. To bad that isn't possible.

 

I told her I would give her a text in a week..just to stay somewhat in touch, then i was thinking maybe a month..and so on, but I was just wondering if it is possible to talk on the phone every week..or not? I just cant stand not hearing her voice...even though maybe its for the best? I will not be going to karate anymore...so that is a plus i guess.

 

In the beginning of this I wanted to be around friends because it kept me from thinking to hard, and from balling my eyes out..but lately i just feel like I want to be alone, which i know isn't the right thing.

 

There are bands playing at a venue in my town this friday and i just feel like i cant go, because it will remind me of her, and how we used to go. I just feel like im going to breakdown all of a sudden when im with people...ahh I dont know what to do

 

Thanks a ton everyone.

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I know how you feel, but I've found being alone just makes me feel worse. Maybe try a different martial art? That way you can still do something you enjoy and it gives you the chance to meet new people.
Thanks for reply, and i hear you, it does make me feel worse. That martial arts place was pretty much the only one in town. I live in a small town too so there aren't very many more people to meet..thats why i almost feel trapped.

I am planning to start running. I hope that helps me.

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You just have to keep your mind occupied, and being alone has its detrimental side to you healing. Yes, you need your 'alone' time to process any outside influences in hopes of curbing the inner turmoil and hurt. Yet all the same, in your 'alone' time you need to be at your strongest to curb the inner fears and turmoil. Since this is the time you're at your most vulnerable, you have to have the outside connection as the ray of light.

 

So, by drawing strength from your friends, and indeed, from any 'positive' outside influences will serve to remind you that you are only human. And that there are 'more' out there in life waiting for you to discover. So you need both to wade through all this muck.

 

When the day has run it's course, you alone must face the dance floor, and it can be a dark place to be alone, but look to the crowd, your friends and loved ones are there, that's your ray of light.

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thank you for the reply Kahdeksan

Most of the time when im alone, all the crying and grieving really doesnt seem to me like its doing anything, it just hurts so much sitting there thinking about all the good times we had and balling my eyes out. Thinking about how those times are gone. And how much I miss her and want her.

 

At this point I just cant get my mind to care about anything else but her...Ive been writing a lot of stuff, about my feelings on paper. Right now im making a list of all the great memories we had together, im hoping that they can in a sense leave my mind onto the paper, sending them away, if that makes sense.

 

It seems like its getting worse every minute. I am really trying hard to take in what you and everyone else are saying, but its just so difficult..as im sure you know. I guess its just a time thing...?

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Well, you can write, scrunch them up and then throw them out the window, possibly to the (friendlier) neighbors' side of the fence so you won't cop it from your rants.

 

I understand what you mean though, that all the crying on your lone doesn't work, it's also because you're still in denial and you cannot grasp the fact that this is drawing near to conclude that she will no longer be part of your life. That by itself is extremely hard to accept and to comprehend. Making out time to be your worse enemy. It feels like time will drag on, and your pain will grow and it'll feel like being cut by a blunt rusty knife tearing your flesh off.

 

Like I said in my previous post posted on your other thread, you have to allow bits of the emotions through in a controller way and then be able to spring back to reality as well. You will get to this stage, it's just that the denial phase is still doing the rounds...

 

Time, as well as other factors will play their role, but most importantly acceptance and closure, both having to come from within, will be the decisive force to speeding your recovery from this.

 

Hang in there, Copper... we're all rooting for you just as much as you'll be rooting for us.

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Thank you kahdeksan

 

Time is dragging on, I have been in my room for the past 5 hours...4 of which I have been thinking sad thoughts and crying. Every time I look at the clock only 15 minutes has gone by...It just seems so hard to accept this, I don't want to, but I know I have to.

 

I guess I will just have to suffer..until one day it clicks that shes gone..such a hard thing to do. Just saying that made tears pour out of me...I will post an update in a few days.

 

Thanks

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Aww, man, you're gonna get me crying too... big hugs, buddy.

 

Go for a walk, 5 hours is too long a time to be all on your own. Appreciate nature. I recall the first time I did that after loosing myself to my own demise of being isolated and alone. When I stepped out, I cried and realized why I was crying... Do you know why I cried? It was tears of joy, I felt so liberated to be free... After all those times of being locked up in my own world of sadness and turmoil. The air, the trees, the damn birds singing their courtship songs, it was all so new to me, I was reborn, again. Even though it was for the briefest of moments, it felt so darn good! I then went on to have the fattiest of Mcfatty ice cream cones out there. Damn thing never tasted better! NOM, NOM!

 

Do all you can without contacting her... I know it's near impossible a feat, but the pain will be less, believe it or not, since with each contact comes the reaper of relapse.

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well the last thing i wanna do right now is make other people sad!

 

I like that story, and since I wont be going to karate anymore, I do want to stay active, I just went for a good long run..came home did some push ups, setups and leg raises...my story is not as glorious as yours however, for I start to tear up when "fix you" by coldplay came on my ipod..heh. Anyways Ill keep doing this. Maybe one day it will help.

 

My plan is to contact her like I said before a week from yesterday. I will then go from there.

 

thanks again

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