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I'm sick of me! So what must my friends think?!?


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This is just all so frustrating, i mean unlike some of you guys on here whose ex's just decided they didnt want to be with you anymore for whatever reason (which must be really tough), i have the luxury of having soooo many valid reasons why to resent my ex, hold my head up high and walk away in NC knowing that i am a great person who was amazing to her and i deserve sooooo much better than her!

 

After an intense 4 month relationship during which i treated her like my world and she with me the same, this girl told me she needed space cos there was another guy interested in her (which i gave her), cheated on me (slept with that guy), lied about it and then used me all within 1 week. Not only that but she then continued to string me along (whilst still texting the other guy) by giving us another chance, only to admit the main reason was to not see me unhappy again. Wait... thats not all, despite what she did i have been nothing but decent to her and bent over backwards for her, then when i tell her we cant be friends and we have to go our own ways in a fair and pleasant email, she gets pissed off and then goes silent on me when i get her to pick her things up from me on my terms for once!

 

despite all of the above and a load of other * * * * ty things she did, I CANT SEEM TO SHAKE MISSING HER AND THE GOOD TIMES!!! 2 months on i am still reeling from the reality of losing her and everything she brought to my life. Dont get me wrong, what she did to me was tough to deal with and it did destroy me, but surely it should also be a springboard to a quicker recovery than those whos exes just walked away?!

 

i am sick of myself for feeling like this about her 2 months on, she doesnt deserve my unhappiness, yet she is still my first waking thought and last thought at night... basically, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! My self esteem and self confidence must be shot or something cos i cant seem to go any longer than a few minutes of feeling i am rising above her and what she did!

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Hang in there, go easy on yourself. I understand the missing the Good. That's what makes it heart breaking. And I get sick of myself, too, every time the emotions come back to slap me around. It's less and less, but still intense when it happens, and I feel bad about myself for having the feelings, still. Why oh why can't we just focus on the good in life and carry on, move on, live our lives?

 

I don't know if it is the length of time of the relationship that factors into the length of healing, or the depth that we went with the relationship. Maybe the connection wakens an aspect of ourselves, and without the relationship we are left not knowing how to keep that aspect of ourselves alive. But that may be our task, to find a way ourselves.

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I don't know if it is the length of time of the relationship that factors into the length of healing, or the depth that we went with the relationship. Maybe the connection wakens an aspect of ourselves, and without the relationship we are left not knowing how to keep that aspect of ourselves alive. But that may be our task, to find a way ourselves.

 

thanks journeynow, i think about this a lot, i completely sold myself to this girl, invested so much into her and her loved ones, basically although the relationship was relatively short... i went in deep! But i was encouraged to do this by her, im not stupid, she led and i followed. I didnt want to push things cos she is 8 years younger than me at 22.

 

I would like to think that i just miss the companionship and the added value to my life that the relationship brought. But no, i think i do miss that girl i fell for and her family, but of course i dont miss that girl who made me act lke a crazy mad man the night i found out she cheated... i dont miss her true colours and i guess i mistook her apparent maturity for actual life learnt maturity that teaches you how you should treat other people, especially good people like me!

 

i should be old enough to know better than to let this girl still affect everything i do, but she does, and its annoying!

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Elektro:

 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!! You were hurt badly and that isn't something any of us getting over quickly and two months is no time at all. It doesn't matter that you were only together for four months - you put a lot of effort and energy into that relationship despite the setbacks. That energy doesn't know where to channel itself so of course you are going to miss her.

 

Too much information isn't always a good thing. You have a lot more to recover from. As journeynow said take it easy on yourself. Give yourself time.

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thanks jellybaby, i know you've had a really rough time of late too so thanks for your advice. I know i should go easy on myself, but i am a majorly impatient person which is not helping at the moment...

 

I always want to know what she is doing even though i know i shouldnt care, i am trying so hard not to look at her facebook right now. Havent looked for a week so i suppose i shouldnt wreck all that will power for one quick fix! Oh and before you say it i know i should remove her from FB... *sigh*

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thanks jellybaby, i know you've had a really rough time of late too so thanks for your advice. I know i should go easy on myself, but i am a majorly impatient person which is not helping at the moment...

 

I always want to know what she is doing even though i know i shouldnt care, i am trying so hard not to look at her facebook right now. Havent looked for a week so i suppose i shouldnt wreck all that will power for one quick fix! Oh and before you say it i know i should remove her from FB... *sigh*

 

lol ... I wasn't going to say it, I think it is something we all know we should do. I was the same and to be honest it gets easier. I don't even think of checking up on him now tho I have to admit I don't have him on FB.

 

I am impatient too. I guess when it comes to healing from emotional pain, we all are. No-one wants to hurt even if there is a lesson to be learned from the experience. All we want is to be happy again. Just hold on to the fact that one day we will be.

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lol ... I wasn't going to say it, I think it is something we all know we should do. I was the same and to be honest it gets easier. I don't even think of checking up on him now tho I have to admit I don't have him on FB.

 

I am impatient too. I guess when it comes to healing from emotional pain, we all are. No-one wants to hurt even if there is a lesson to be learned from the experience. All we want is to be happy again. Just hold on to the fact that one day we will be.

 

look at your situ as an earthquake on a metaphorical level, youve had the quake and the aftershocks are are equally as scary.

 

its just natural to feel really low about ones self after such a traumatic situ. love hurts mate and is the most powerful and the most natural force in the world, love just hurts! but rest assured you will survive, you will have a re-growth, you will be fine, just ride out the aftershocks and all will be well.

 

just be strong and its perfectly normal to feel that way, it does get better!

 

good luck

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I know what your going through man. I'm going through the same thing. Though my ex hasn't treated me like yours did to you, she has treated me not good. I can admit my mistakes and though i wasn't perfect i feel i acted accordingly and didn't do anything wrong. She has infact layed all blame on me which is unfair considering the circumstances but somehow i feel like i'm the one losing out here. WHy do i care so much about someone like that. It crushes me HArd. I feel like such a whinny crybaby loser.

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I know what your going through man. I'm going through the same thing. Though my ex hasn't treated me like yours did to you, she has treated me not good. I can admit my mistakes and though i wasn't perfect i feel i acted accordingly and didn't do anything wrong. She has infact layed all blame on me which is unfair considering the circumstances but somehow i feel like i'm the one losing out here. WHy do i care so much about someone like that. It crushes me HArd. I feel like such a whinny crybaby loser.

 

shes only dumped the blame to make herself feel good about the whole sordid situ! dont buy it, its the oldest trick in the book.

 

dont fall for it!!!! it will get better for you

 

you aint no cry baby mate, your hurt, its only natural! get it out your system and move on, its the best way to put all you hurt to bed for good, move on!

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look at your situ as an earthquake on a metaphorical level, youve had the quake and the aftershocks are are equally as scary.

 

its just natural to feel really low about ones self after such a traumatic situ. love hurts mate and is the most powerful and the most natural force in the world, love just hurts! but rest assured you will survive, you will have a re-growth, you will be fine, just ride out the aftershocks and all will be well.

 

just be strong and its perfectly normal to feel that way, it does get better!

 

good luck

 

Thanks mate, i like the earthquake analogy, makes sense and at least the worst is over. Also cant seem to deal with the fact that she no longer seems to care about me or give a * * * * . How can someone be so cold after being so warm with her love during the first 4 months?!?! I just dont understand... While im not perfect, i was nothing but a diamond to her and never did anything anywhere near bad enough to warrant what she did, i just dont get it!! What just happened?!

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Thanks mate, i like the earthquake analogy, makes sense and at least the worst is over. Also cant seem to deal with the fact that she no longer seems to care about me or give a * * * * . How can someone be so cold after being so warm with her love during the first 4 months?!?! I just dont understand... While im not perfect, i was nothing but a diamond to her and never did anything anywhere near bad enough to warrant what she did, i just dont get it!! What just happened?!

 

 

NO ONE IS PERFECT AND NO ONE IS INNOCENT!!!!!!

 

 

it isnt you, believe it or not! she has issues, she does care, but wont show you that, (that isnt to give you false hope) people can care without the physical side, this applies to ex's,

 

i think its a crock of shyte! i have never stood for that because i have never seen it, but then again i see in black and white and wont let it show, if all fails, never go back, if she has been with another man, say months down the line and she comes back with her cap in hand, no way!!!

 

when the rot sets in its in! thats a harsh reality.

 

so my friend, bags of strength, bags of faith and bags of enthusiasm

move up and onwards, you can keep asking yourself all these questions and still get no valid answers,dont torture yourself!

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Thanks jahur, your words of wisdom have helped a lot! It is all a crock of shyte in sooo many ways! This person has continually shown herself to be immature and completely disrespectful to me, yet she still doesnt seem to be able to accept responsibility for losing me from her life. Like you said jahur, i hope deep down that she does care and that she realises what she lost, whilst she may not want to be in a relationship with me, i hope she knows she has lost a good/kind/nice/fun person from her life, i guess if she loved me as much as she used to profess to, she must feel some sort of loss herself surely?!? Then why not let me know? Why let me go into NC making me feel like i have wronged her?! Is she really that vindictive and clueless?

 

all this yet i cant shake my idealised version of her out of my head, i cant shake that girl i wanted her to be out of my head... as the weekend approaches all i want to do is spend time with that girl she was once around last christmas time and last winter.

 

But i cant, thats not who she really is, thats not her true colours. I guess i need to write a list of all the reasons i need to move on cos of her bad points, what she did and the type of person she is now, i hope that will help, this is going to be a mighty long list!

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all this yet i cant shake my idealised version of her out of my head, i cant shake that girl i wanted her to be out of my head... as the weekend approaches all i want to do is spend time with that girl she was once around last christmas time and last winter.

 

But i cant, thats not who she really is, thats not her true colours. I guess i need to write a list of all the reasons i need to move on cos of her bad points, what she did and the type of person she is now, i hope that will help, this is going to be a mighty long list!

 

 

 

That idealisation is perfectly normal, dont get sucked in by that because that will keep you hanging in there (by memory) for a long time to come.

 

i personally think you should go out and spend some time doing WHAT YOU want and not what nostalgic memories dictate.

 

im afraid to say your trying to believe your own propaganda if you think its NOT HER. it is my friend and she has kicked straight in the goolies!

 

your the better person here not her!

 

ok here comes an analogy!

 

shes the cat, right? and your the mouse, right? she has caught you, now your vulnerable, right? now cats like to tease and paw their victims and watch them squirm (so to speak) until another mouse comes along, she, the cat will leave you die (so to speak) and torture the next mouse. everytime the cat gets bored it will have another dig, and another until its bored!

 

see what im saying, dont be the mouse, be the dog and show some courage and strength, take that control away from her!

 

and dont BELIEVE YOUR OWN PROPAGANDA (THE IDEALISATION/PEDESTAL ETC)

 

and see her go!

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