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Is she interested or am I reading too much in this?


jrabach
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So there's this new chick at work that just grabbed my attention from day one. I managed to have some small talk with her but can't seem to get a convo going but noticed that she would smile at me from time to time (of course I would smile back also).

 

Well a few days ago I saw her standing around and talked to her. I noticed she was rubbing her fingers together as if she was nervous. I didn't want to push the issue since I didn't want to scare her off. Since then, I didn't bother initiating any more contact but later on in the day, she came all the way from the back end of the office ask for my help. So it got me thinking why would she ask me of all people she could have asked for help along the way. There could have been 5-6 people she could have asked.

 

While I was helping her I tried striking up convos with her, asking questions and smile and she would try to make quick witty jokes/ tease.

 

She seems confident in a lot of things and seems to be a smart girl, but the fact that I can't keep a convo going with her kinda bothers me. I wonder if she's just nervous or just not interested at all. Should I chase this girl (with the assumption that she could be shy) or should I just sit back and see if she starts to initiate more contact?

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Maybe she is just a bit shy or nervous around men.....hence the rubbing of the fingers. But then the fact she came to you looking for help, is a sign that she is comfortable with you to some extent. I know that when I've started new jobs, I've gone for help firstly and from those who appeared more friendly than others have....that also could be why she came to you, not because she fancies you. I speak to men I don't fancy all the time....lol However, I try not to engage them in long conversation, because they end up thinking what you are thinking.....does she like me??

 

It's really hard to say....

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Maybe she is just a bit shy or nervous around men.....hence the rubbing of the fingers. But then the fact she came to you looking for help, is a sign that she is comfortable with you to some extent. I know that when I've started new jobs, I've gone for help firstly and from those who appeared more friendly than others have....that also could be why she came to you, not because she fancies you. I speak to men I don't fancy all the time....lol However, I try not to engage them in long conversation, because they end up thinking what you are thinking.....does she like me??

 

It's really hard to say....

 

So what would you suggest I go about this?

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So what would you suggest I go about this?

 

I think all that you can do at this point, is to play safe and just carry on doing what you are doing. Being friendly. Like I said, she sounds shy, a bit nervous and the fact that it's a new job, new colleagues won't be helping.

A lot of women tend to be nervous and shy around guys they like or find attractive also ....I'm one. I've even known myself to avoid certain men I don't know very well and because I found them attractive and was afraid of making a fool of myself....lol. But generally I open out more and start to feel and become more comfortable, once they become familiar to me....she may be the same way.

 

Watch for tell tale signs and I don't mean her playing with her hair...

Someone who finds you attractive, will look at you a lot for an instance and you will catch them looking at you and often. I think that is the main giveaway...

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Continue to be nice to her. Talk to her. Go over and ask her how her day is going and how she’s settling in. If it’s possible, maybe ask her to lunch. It won’t be as awkward now since she’s new and you may be her only friend at this point. Start asking about her family and try to find out if she’s currently in a relationship or not. It’s better to get these questions out of the way now. That way you know whether to simply keep it friendly or pursue more. It’s way too early to tell if there is a real attraction or not. She’s new and likely to cling to anyone that seems friendly and approachable and makes her feel comfortable. It can be a great segue way into a closer friendship and possibly something more simply because she needs the companionship right now. I wouldn’t read too much into it at this point and just keep being a nice guy. Talk to her and see what information you can get from her. Things have a way of falling into place after that and you’ll have a better sense of whether to pursue further or not.

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Sounds like she's just nervous. When a guy makes me nervous, I do the whole "witty/sarcastic/joke" thing as a defense mechanism. I say keep on it until you can read her better. Normally I would say sit back and wait for her to come to you, but in this case, she's already clearly gone out of her way and sought you out (when she came to you for help). If you back off now, she'll think you're not interested. Keep initiating conversations but don't hound her. Then after y'all start to feel a little more comfortable with each other, back off and see if she comes to you again.

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So far I can say the our interactions have been positive and maybe I can keep building on them. I was told that she's single but haven't asked her directly.

 

The thing that really bothers me at this point is I'm doing most of the asking/starting convo and all I get are short answers (or witty jokes) despite asking open-ended questions.

 

...ahh maybe I just wanted more out of this despite the fact that I've only know her for a short time. I feel like the moment I first saw her my world changed and I'm trying to catch up to it.

 

Why do girls do this to me!!! ](*,)

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So far I can say the our interactions have been positive and maybe I can keep building on them. I was told that she's single but haven't asked her directly.

 

The thing that really bothers me at this point is I'm doing most of the asking/starting convo and all I get are short answers (or witty jokes) despite asking open-ended questions.

 

...ahh maybe I just wanted more out of this despite the fact that I've only know her for a short time. I feel like the moment I first saw her my world changed and I'm trying to catch up to it.

 

Why do girls do this to me!!! ](*,)

 

 

Aww that sounds sweet!! lol and yes we girls can be confusing. I know that I try to be very upfront and not mislead because I hate these types of situations. Although I said that I do the whole "witty" bit when I'm nervous, I also find myself giving one word answers when talking with a guy I can tell is interested but I am not. It's a way of cutting the conversation so that I'm not too chatty because I don't want the guy to get the wrong idea. So if she answers things with simple "yes" "no" and basically just gives you answers that force the conversation to end, I'd say she's not interested.

 

It's just hard for me to know because I can't see your interactions with her, you know? Haha I'm sorry we're so confusing. Y'all do it too though

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Aww that sounds sweet!! lol and yes we girls can be confusing. I know that I try to be very upfront and not mislead because I hate these types of situations. Although I said that I do the whole "witty" bit when I'm nervous, I also find myself giving one word answers when talking with a guy I can tell is interested but I am not. It's a way of cutting the conversation so that I'm not too chatty because I don't want the guy to get the wrong idea. So if she answers things with simple "yes" "no" and basically just gives you answers that force the conversation to end, I'd say she's not interested.

 

It's just hard for me to know because I can't see your interactions with her, you know? Haha I'm sorry we're so confusing. Y'all do it too though

 

Its not like she gives me yes/no answers. Its more like I ask and she would answer it but doesn't seem make an effort to prolong the convo but when I was helping her out, she was witty and teasing and seem to enjoy the moment but she hasn't really gone out of her way to open up herself or try to ask ME questions ... i guess what I'm saying is that the conversation has been one-way. It doesnt seem like she doesnt like to talk but more like its one sided ... dunno ... I dont want to just stop cause she did make an effort to be with me (or so it seems) I feel like I need to retaliate (in a good way) and see how she reacts.

 

Yeah I guess we all get confusied because we keep replaying scenarios over and over (like what I'm doing now) and interpret things ifrom different angles. Maybe I should just take the "face-value" of the interaction ...meaning just remembering the feeling that I had when the situation actually happened and stop re-analyzing everything.

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A relationship with someone at work? Is that something you want to try?

 

I know the risks but I cant just ignore the possibilities either. My job is badly needed nowadays and it wont be a problem finding another one.

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Ok so I heard chatters in the workplace that some people find this girl a bit standoff-ish and not so friendly. I guess that can explain why she would approach me since I'm always friendly with people. Im just curious if her shyness is making her look unapproachable or if she's really standoff-ish.

 

Thoughts on how I should play this?

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Yeah I guess we all get confusied because we keep replaying scenarios over and over (like what I'm doing now) and interpret things ifrom different angles. Maybe I should just take the "face-value" of the interaction ...meaning just remembering the feeling that I had when the situation actually happened and stop re-analyzing everything.

 

To confuse you further ;-P I find when I'm around someone I'm very attracted to, I get so filled with good feelings that I interpret everything he does as being interested in me. I'm on cloud 9 the hour after I talk to him and then BAM back down to earth again. So other than very blunt object level behavior ("You're a jerk, get away from me" "take me now, stud") I think analysis can be a good idea as long as you don't take it to extremes.... "her chest was heaving around me..." "dude, she was coughing"...

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