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we went out last night, what should I do next?


stella74

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The man I've known for 8 years who got out of a long-term, serious relationship last fall and who has been paying more attention to me in the past 2-3 months, asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him last night. It wasn't a date, because it was a spontaneous gesture, but it came about after he kept trying to spend time alone with me all last night. It's the first time we've spent an evening together just us two. Now I'm at a loss for what to do next. Should I give this a little more time to see if he asks me out on a proper date or should I ask him out next?

 

I'm not sure if he likes me as more than a friend. Signs he's interested in more than just friendship: he's been wanting to spend more time alone with me, he's been opening up more about his feelings/concerns about his career and about his family background, he's been much more attentive & thoughtful, he's been going out of his way to do nice things for me, he's become much more touchy/feely and more flirtatious, when I've initiated flirting he's been responsive, and he held my hand when we said goodbye last night.

 

Signs he's just interested in friendship: he doesn't ask me a whole lot of questions to really get to know me beyond friendship (although he's a great listener if I bring something up that's more personal), he sometimes talks to me like I'm his buddy because we've known each other so long, he hasn't asked me out on any pre-planned dates, and he's never tried to kiss me.

 

So...when we said goodbye last night, he said he hoped to hear from me soon. I said I'd love to get together again. But he didn't ask me out. It seems he's putting the ball in my court. I don't mind asking him out, but I'd prefer if he asked me out first. I don't want to ask him out if he only wants to be buddies or he just wants a hook up.

 

Any feedback or advice?

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Sounds like he needs a friend right now. He just got out of a serious relationship that last a long time, so he may not really know how to go about asking you out again. These dating things may be new to him all over again, give him sometime and ask him out casually if you want, but I too would prefer him asking me out. I understand your feeling about this, but take it slow and see what happens. Good luck love.

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Sounds like he needs a friend right now. He just got out of a serious relationship that last a long time, so he may not really know how to go about asking you out again. These dating things may be new to him all over again, give him sometime and ask him out casually if you want, but I too would prefer him asking me out. I understand your feeling about this, but take it slow and see what happens. Good luck love.

 

Thanks for the kind response. I appreciate it. Your reply made me think that perhaps he's on the rebound and isn't really looking to date anyone right now, even if he's attracted to me.

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Sometimes it's so easy for me to see things in other peoples' situations and not in my own. LOL

 

I guess it would be best for both of us if I wait for him to ask me out. But in the meantime, I'm going to stop giving him signals I'm interested in him as more than a friend. I don't want to be in a rebound situation. I really adore him as a friend and if all we can be is friends, that's fine. But I'd date him in a second if he was really interested!

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update

 

After realizing I was focusing too much on someone who was on the rebound (a bad pattern of mine), I tried really hard to let go and just be casual friends with this guy. Thanks for helping me to see this clearly.

 

Then today, out of the blue. another man I've known for a while asked me out on a date!! It's the first date I've had in a long, long time with someone I really like. I'm so happy.

 

I think if I hadn't stopped focusing on the man in my original post, I might not have realized that this second man was asking me out.

 

So here's a question:

The man in my original post called me just now, and after chatting for a while he asked me if there was anything he could do for me. I didn't know what he meant. I felt like saying, "Yes, you can ask me out on a date!" So I simply said thanks and let it go. Did I do the right thing?

 

My actual answer was, "You've been every helpful so far. Thanks." I didn't really answer his question. So my questions are:

 

1. Was it okay to evade his question?

2. Was it okay to let his question go and not suggest something he could do for me?

 

Thanks!

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