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I have got to get out of here! Scary incident this afternoon!


TN-Walker

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This afternoon, I went out to run some errands. My husband calculated exactly how long these errands would take me and when I should be home. (If you've ever seen the movie, "Not Without My Daughter", you'll understand the control behind this.) My errands were to take only 1 1/2 hours and I was to be home by 3 p.m.

 

When I went out, I enjoyed so much getting to spend a little bit of time just looking through the store without someone talking to me the whole time or making me look at what they wanted to look at and not letting me look at what I wanted. But while I was enjoying my brief moment of freedom, I also had to keep a constant close watch on the time so I would be home when he told me to be.

 

I took a little longer than I should have though because I drove through a couple of apartment communities which were on my way home. (I'm trying to get an idea of where I want to go when I finally get free, and I knew I probably wouldn't have another chance for awhile of checking those places out.) My husband called me at 3 p.m. wanting to know where I was. I made some excuse about the line at the post office being really long. (Lord, please forgive me for lying!)

 

When I got home, I had to show him exactly what I had bought and turn all receipts over to him. I got in trouble though because I had bought a bag of chips and a orange soda (my throat got really dry because it was so hot outside) which were not on the list of items I was allowed to buy. My husband started lecturing me, and he as he did, he drew back his fist like he was going to punch me in the face. He didn't hit me, but pushed his fist against my cheek and held it there while he lectured me on not spending what I wasn't supposed to. I was afraid he was going to punch me, so I flinched and just froze, kind of cowering down. (I probably shouldn't have done that because that is probably what he was wanting - to intimidate me and make me afraid.)

 

I have got to get out of here soon! He's getting worse and I feel like a prisoner in a cage. I can't even go to the bathroom without him wanting to know what I am doing. (And I'm not allowed to shut the bathroom door.) If he hears me typing on my computer keyboard, he wants to know what I am doing and who I am talking to. He also always wants to know who I have called and who called me. I feel like I'm being suffocated or that I'm sinking in quicksand and I can't get free.

 

I want out, but I don't have a job (my contract at the college where I was teaching expired last month) and I don't have anywhere to go. I can't seem to make decisions anymore either. I can't seem to figure out the steps that I need to take or how to take them. I don't know what to do!

 

I really thought he was going to hit me today. It didn't happen, thank goodness, but I know it's just a matter of time. This really scares me!

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Do you have kids?

 

Go to a women's shelter and call the police when you get there. This is dispicable behaviour. You're not an animal, you are his WIFE!

 

This man is a coward - I am so glad you didn't defend him in your thread, as many women do and find it hard to leave.

 

 

I asume you're in the USA? I found this site which helps abused women both financially and legally. link removed

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Get out as soon as humanly possible - and PLEASE be safe.

 

Call a friend, a relative, a local woman's shelter... ANYONE to get out of your current situation. Stay away from this man.

 

Anyone who has that measure of control has serious issues, and it sounds like you may be in danger with his actions today.

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Well done for sharing this. Please now keep sharing find a friend or a local domestic violence charity and share this with them too. If your husband makes you afraid of violence this is abuse and has to stop.

 

Please get support from people around you or proffesionals so you can walk out of this relationship right now. Even if you love him, even if you don't really know what will happen in the long run between you, please get yourself to some place else where you can be safe. The rest can be sorted later. Please sort this now don't leave it to get any worse.

 

You have already been enormously brave - keep it up!! You deserve to be safe and happy.

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This is appalling. I can't even imagine being an adult and having someone control me like that.

 

Honestly, when I got to the part about him lecturing you and holding his fist to your face, my instinct was to tell you next time he does that just walk away and tell him you're a grown woman and don't have to take this. But I realize that only works some of the time with an abuser (and weather he hit you or not, that's what he is.) It could easily backfire, because if he thinks his mental intimidation no longer works he could come after you physically.

 

He's a cowardly little boy. He's needs to compensate for his insecurities.

 

I would do whatever I can to get out now if I were you. (I know, easier said then done.) But even if you have to go to a shelter, would it be much worse then your current situation?

 

My girlfriend was in an abusive relationship before I came into her life. So I've seen the affect this has on people. Get away before it's too late.

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I agree. Leave asap. You need to take care of your physical well being first. I've read some of your other posts. Let him and his family worry about themselves, they will find a way. Do you have any family or friends who you can stay with or who can help you in some way?

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I am so sorry that he treated you that way! Please try to get out if possible. Hopefully there is a women's shelter near your area that can help you out. Try "googling" for one if you are not sure. And be sure to clear your search history and temp files! Good luck!

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If you don't have family in the area then go to a local church and see if they can help you get a bus ticket back to where your family can shelter you. I'm praying you don't have children but if you do then I'm sure someone at the church will help you still.

 

And don't worry about being a member or being religious or being of that faith...

 

Don't waste another second in this place...

 

Blessed Be,

Preacher

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This is going to continue to get worse. You need to get out of there to someplace safe. Please do not delay. Contact a battered women's shelter near you.

 

If you have no idea where to turn, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (if you are in the USA) at 1-800-799-7233. They are available 24 hours per day and they can help you figure out what steps to take next.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have just come up on this thread and wanted to let you know that I agree with others and hope you can get away as soon as you possibly can. You sound very sweet to worry for his family, but they will find a way and it is not the responsible thing to do...to put yourself in harm's way for them. If you cannot take care of yourself FOR YOURSELF...then think of your kids and do it for them. You can then build up your confidence again later and know are worth it! Hopefully, somewhere inside you - you still feel this somewhere. You are welcome to pm me anytime! We are here in your corner.

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