Jump to content

Letter to My Ex: Should I Send It?


Recommended Posts

L,

 

I wish I could call or text you the news: I finally got my license! I wasn't 100 percent calm (and I did get 9 errors) but I did it!

 

A guy teacher actually asked for my number today too, but I'm not sure I'll call him. It's nice to feel wanter, though...something I have been struggling with since you left.

 

This time and space has done me some good. I still struggle with looking for a job (and even more with finding one), but I've been applying and exercising almost every day. I usually walk a mile down by the river, but I can't go where we used to go because it still triggers memories of "us."

 

I think I understand more why you left. I can't say I'm happy with your decision though. We both need more experiences in our lives to be sure, but I don't see why that has to include other men or women. You said there was no one but me---but now I realize you were bored with me. You did not see me as a person who would provide you with new adventures and stimulation.

 

You say you want to travel but whether ot not you are with me, you will still not have a lot of money. I would love to do new things but I would also like to save money.

 

The point for me is that you seem to be searching for excitement and adventure and assume I don't want those things. I never said I wanted a dull life. You and I failed to communicate and understand each other.

 

Just because I may be a picky eater does not mean I am unwilling to try new things. You failed to realize that it was your attitude that was influencing my desire to do things...not my ability to do things. I do try new things with other people. Just last month I went for Chinese with E. I would love to do new things with you too, but I don't see how that is practical right now.

 

When you said we were holding each other back, I felt really sad because I feel like I was never even given a chance. You automatically attacked me and then said we "tried," but you know in your heart we did not try. We did not make an effort. But we could have. I would have if I knew how serious this was, even, but I failed to do so because of the stalemate and poor communication between us.

 

You never cried until the night we broke up. Why didn't you cry with me BEFORE we broke up? If I would have known the depth of this problem, I would have softened in an instant. It would have been all the epiphany I needed to wake up and see what you mean. But I didn't understand for a long time, because we were arguing. I felt threatened.

 

We were both under a lot of stress and very depressed. I know I pressured and upset you, which was unfair. I'll always regret that. But that's not all of who I am. You were right that we lost a lot of ourselves.

 

But I think we could learn to have a life and still love each other. I still love you. You are not a "comfort zone" in my eyes. You are a person that I believe in and admire. I've always loved you for your way with people, your desire to make a difference, and your awesome ways. Though I may habve picked at you before, you have taught me to be so much more open-minded and curious about the world. I am seeing what you mean by wanting more out of life because I want it too. I thank you for what you've done.

 

I wouldn't be me if I weren't expressing how I really feel.

 

I hope one day you can see that adventure and security don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is such a lovely letter... But don't send it to your old boyfriend!

 

Just put it away somewhere for memory's sakes. Maybe, just maybe, if you and your old boyfriend get back together (whether as lovers or friends), you can show this letter to him and have a good laugh together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No....don't send it. It seems as if you are picking him apart for all the reasons HE didn't

want the relationship...and the letter is more like "look see how I have changed..you were WRONG". He may feel attacked and "picked apart" if you send this. Backfiring on you. Rather than TELL him you've changed..send him a letter just stating you got your license, and tell him you're going skydiving to celebrate...lol j/k..but HEY he won't think you're "boring"!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi WW,

 

You could have written that letter for my ex and I, but I still don't think you should send it unless you are truly prepared for anything.

 

Having heard from your ex recently may have put you back a bit... did for me. If you want to contact him start with the first line as another poster suggested. Make it light.

 

Maybe down the road when you see each other again and the time is right you could give him the letter..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you ALL for the great advice. I was SERIOUSLY considering sending him this letter since he texted me last week. Instead, I took twomonks' and melrich's advice and decided to just text him the first line and throw in "hope you're well" for good measure. Leaves an opening if he wants to respond, but doesn't expect one if he doesn't.

 

I have a feeling he does not want to start texting me since he didn't reply to my last text about his nephew. He may have just been being polite. I don't think he wants me in his life. If he doesn't respond, I have to admit...that's going to suck...because it will kind of leave me up in the air. But either way, at least I am being friendly and not personal.

 

Thanks again for the great advice. Any other insights are still welcome. I didn't realize how blaming that letter is until you guys pointed it out. I think I wrote emails like that when I got upset with my ex. No wonder he got stubborn and critical of me. He probably felt defensive. I need to work on not blaming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BTW,

 

Congratulations on getting your license!

 

Oh thank you, twomonks!

 

I hadn't really needed it because I don't have a car anyway and I live by public transportation, but I'm at a point now where I pretty much want it for my own sanity, just to say I have it. I grew up in a family that didn't value driving (my grandma never got her license and most of the other women in my family didn't either). I feel so old to be saying it, but better than never

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See WW?? Send out something positive, and you get back something positive. The rest of the email would have drowned out ANYthing positive . And all it took was a one line

text... Short, sweet and to the point. Being heavy right now is not the way to go.

And congrats on the license!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Sweet Venus, for the encouragement and the advice! You are very right. And I think I am learning that the only way to let go is to focus on the positive...and sharing the positive with others. Sharing the negative with others all the time doesn't feel like the best way to move on, you know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can't say don't send the letter because it looks like you have already decided not to. I'm glad you didn't. I was in that position not too long ago. I know how much you wanted to send it, believing that it is the right thing to do and that it would make a difference but it really wouldn't have. Also, I found your letter to be very accusing. You are probably right about all that you said but I think it would have made him feel like his reasons and opinions counted for nothing as all the way through you were trying to reason with him. It would have probably made him anry and move further away from you. I have read before on this site that if you do nothing, you can do nothing wrong. That stuck by me through my tough break up and stopped me from making attempts at contact. Hopefully it will help you too.

 

I don't think you should reply to the last text he sent, just leave it at that. I think NC would be best for you and your healing. If you keep texting you are heading down the LC route, been there, done that and it is so much worse than NC.

 

I wish you all the best and congratulations on your license.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...