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I think 9 years is long enoug to be single and I am ready for me-time to end!


lipslikesugar

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Yeah, I can relate..single most of my life. It does get old after a while..but like you, I have certain standards and expectations and I won't be in a relationship just for the hell of it. Yes, I do know about men who try to come off as single when they are really married.

 

I was going to ask if you are an Echo and the Bunnymen fan (their song lips like sugar) but I see that Coldplay did a cover of that song...so you may be too young to know about Echo and the Bunnymen.

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Yeah, I can relate..single most of my life. It does get old after a while..but like you, I have certain standards and expectations and I won't be in a relationship just for the hell of it. Yes, I do know about men who try to come off as single when they are really married.

 

I was going to ask if you are an Echo and the Bunnymen fan (their song lips like sugar) but I see that Coldplay did a cover of that song...so you may be too young to know about Echo and the Bunnymen.

 

I loveeeeeeeeeeee Echo and The Bunnymen!!!! So its def. the original. So how do you deal with this? I've been recently looking into adoption/foster parent...I feel I have a lot of love to give.

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Do you just want people who can relate, or do you want to change things?

 

Just curious.

 

I do want to change things...if I knew the answer Im sure I wouldn't be in this pickle. When I say "relate to" I mean I have not me many people in the various stages of my adult life who share a similar experience.

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I was never interested in having children...but I do have a dog and shower lots of love on him. My mothering instincts have always been focused on furry friends rather than on children. As for being alone..well, I just carry on my life...not much else I can do.

 

Some days I want kids and some day I don't want them anywhere near me. So I got a dog. I am pretty sure she loves me to death...or maybe its because I feed her LOL!

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Some days I want kids and some day I don't want them anywhere near me. So I got a dog. I am pretty sure she loves me to death...or maybe its because I feed her LOL!

 

 

I am sure most parents have had days when they didn't want their kids near them! Even with a dog...if they are producing noxious fumes out of their butt you don't want them anywhere near you!

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I can relate, I have been single since I was 22 and am now 27. I have two best friends who are married, one divorced friend (who is now in a budding relationship with a guy I had breifly dated a couple of years ago) and one single friend. When my two best friends got married it was a bit hard on me but now it's been a couple of years and it doesn't bother me anymore cause I still see them all the time.

 

I have been told that I'm too picky, I think I just have standards. I've dated around in the 5 years I've been single, but more often than not it just turns out to be a hook up with a guy I meet while out at night. I too bought my own place at 26, have a good job and am pretty well rounded. I think I'm fairly attractive, I get hit on quite a bit when I'm out. I'm not heavy not thin...more of a voluptious curvy figure.

 

At times I like my single life, not having to answer to anybody and doing as I please. Other times I get lonely and wish I had somebody and I know this feeling will increase as I get older, mainly because I want to have children and preferably before the age of 40. I tend to be out with friends a lot so the lonliness doesn't really hit me until a Tuesday night around midnight...lol.

 

Anyway, just letting you know you're not the only one out there. Oh and don't worry I've got the lesbian thing before too from my friends, although I think they're kidding, I hope However one night some guy was trying to talk me up and upon learning I wasn't interested he asked if I was lesbian...I guess he thought the only way a woman would turn him down would be if she was a lesbian. I told him he was correct, I was a lesbian.

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From age 20 to age 29 the dating world changes a lot. There are a lot less single people that are older, so it's not surprising that you can't meet many single guys.

 

I don't think having a good career adds as much value for women as it does for men. Just my observation.

 

I don't understand what you mean when you say you "weren't actively looking." I thought guys are the ones expected to make a move and ask girls out, so guy should have still been approaching you. What were you doing to not be available for men to approach you?

 

I don't think you are alone on eNO. There are similar stories from men and women.

 

And if it makes you feel any better there are plenty of people that have been in terrible relationships for many years, so you are better off being single than they were.

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Well you sound just perfect! Sounds like you have had a wonderful life so far and you're only 29, wow. You have been very lucky to travel so much and you have such a positive outlook.

 

I think you need to just start dating really. I think maybe all these guys you had become like a magnet to in the past, were obviously sensing that you were not ready for a relationship, let alone had time for one! But I see you are wanting one now. Don't curse the 9 years you have had, that is a wonderful thing to have under your belt, You are self-sufficient, independent and successful in your own right, which is great!

 

I would say to you, knowing what I know, to just date and date, date lots of different people, have fun. You may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Give people a chance. I think a lot of people don't realise that it's so valuable to know and converse with all types of people, it teaches you about humankind, which is so interesting!

 

Good Luck.

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I just wanted to ask a question about some of the qualities you are looking for in a man.

 

Would you only date men with a degree? I ask this because I know many people who did not go to university and yet are very intelligent, and some who have higher qualifications but can not hold a conversation.

 

As for someone who has travelled as much as you; personally I love travelling and experiencing different cultures, but due to work commitments, etc, this is not always possible.

 

The point is that while I think it is a good thing to have standards (and there are certain dealbreakers), sometimes people's expectations/wants, almost come accross as a work resume; almost like someone is applying to the post of boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Its not so much about lowering your standards, but would you discount somebody if they did not meet all of your expectations.

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LOL! I've gotten the "Well you are not that cute anyway" line when I say no I am not interested. I think it has the same intentions as calling someone lesbian. I do feel you on the wanting to have kids before you are 40. I wanted to be retired by 50 with kids either out of college or close to finishing. But since my 401k died that's not gonna happen anyway so that idea went bye bye.

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Thanks for you response! I forgot to put 'don't' in my section about degree...because some of the most intelligent, articulate, logical and rational people I know did not attend college. It is def. not a requirement. As far as my expectations I don't feel they are unrealistic but maybe I am wrong. So if you can elaborate just a bit that would be awesome. Here they are:

 

Intelligent...you DON'T have to have 50 million degrees from School X to be smart.

Diligent

Ambitious, career/goal oriented.

Has short term AND long term goals (that are not completely the same)

Self sustaining

Believes in something bigger than themselves

Worldy/cultured...you have to have traveled as much as I have but you have an open mind when it comes to different people, cultures, customs.

Adventurous..willing to try something

Understands why family and friendships are important.

Someone who is kind, full of character and personality

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I sound perfect on paper...but for some reason thats not moving into the real world. Maybe I have a wonky eye or something I hear you on not 'cursing' the past 9 years. There were definitely PLENTY of awesome times that if I had a time machine I would so relive. I am trying to date BUT I can't get one. I don't think I'd have this annoyance if I was dating. But I am not and I am trying. And I am open to the idea of it. It's getting someone else to think..'Hey she seems nice maybe I can ask her out sometime'

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From age 20 to age 29 the dating world changes a lot. There are a lot less single people that are older, so it's not surprising that you can't meet many single guys.

 

I don't think having a good career adds as much value for women as it does for men. Just my observation.

 

I don't understand what you mean when you say you "weren't actively looking." I thought guys are the ones expected to make a move and ask girls out, so guy should have still been approaching you. What were you doing to not be available for men to approach you?

 

I don't think you are alone on eNO. There are similar stories from men and women.

 

And if it makes you feel any better there are plenty of people that have been in terrible relationships for many years, so you are better off being single than they were.

 

I've asked my friends to observe when I am out interacting with men. I asked if I looked mean? Do I need to smile more? What body language am I giving off? Am I talking way to much. Do I appear interested? Well yes I seemed to pass those tests. For a while I thought I was cursed because like I stated in my original post, I kept attracting unavailable men. We would exchange phone numbers and in the course of getting to know them I would realize what they are about. Or I always attract men who "who just got out of a long relationship and isn't looking for anyone serious. I want to date around". That's fine and I appreciate their honesty...but I am not looking for casual sex...been there done that. I feel too old to deal with it. I am not trying to rush into anything but I would like to know that if things progress the option is there.

 

Ah I hear that line about being single vs people in bad relationships. I really think its apples vs oranges.

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From age 20 to age 29 the dating world changes a lot. There are a lot less single people that are older, so it's not surprising that you can't meet many single guys.

 

I don't think having a good career adds as much value for women as it does for men. Just my observation.

 

I don't understand what you mean when you say you "weren't actively looking." I thought guys are the ones expected to make a move and ask girls out, so guy should have still been approaching you. What were you doing to not be available for men to approach you?

 

I don't think you are alone on eNO. There are similar stories from men and women.

 

And if it makes you feel any better there are plenty of people that have been in terrible relationships for many years, so you are better off being single than they were.

 

Also I'd love for you to explain why having a good career does not add value to women.

 

I had one guy tell me he couldn't see us getting serious because I had a career and self sufficient. It hurt A LOT because I really liked him, but then I realized how silly he was being. I am not gonna apologize or feel bad for working hard and reaping the rewards of it. I also do not throw it in the faces of others. Bragging is one of my pet peeves. I would men would appreciate some to can make a contribution. Someone who doesn't need them (because she can't take care of herself) but someone who wants them and wants to add to them.

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I would consider your expectations to be normal and quite reasonable.

 

About the travelling part. My last ex loved to travel and would wander of to many parts of the world by herself; when we met I had only been to a few places myself.

We are no longer together, but her enthusiasm for travelling left an impression on me and now I love travelling by myself.

If you met someone who has not travelled much, it could be an opportunity for you to share something you have a passion for.

 

Other than that, where have you been all my life??

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I would consider your expectations to be normal and quite reasonable.

 

About the travelling part. My last ex loved to travel and would wander of to many parts of the world by herself; when we met I had only been to a few places myself.

We are no longer together, but her enthusiasm for travelling left an impression on me and now I love travelling by myself.

If you met someone who has not travelled much, it could be an opportunity for you to share something you have a passion for.

 

Other than that, where have you been all my life??

 

whew well at least I know I am being realistic!

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Hmmmmm... beats me you sound like you have a lot of great qualities. Do you work at a large company? Could you meet people there?

 

I would say I work for an almost mid size company. As an engineer I am used to being either the only girl on a team. I am also the youngest by many years. Lots of married people with families or divorced individuals significantly older than me with kids a few years younger than me. I always followed the rule 'never date people you work with'. Recently (March 09) some one in another unit expressed interest. I don't work with him directly so I figured what the heck. We started emailing and texting; he even met a co worker and I for drinks once. He never asked me out but continued to text. I invited him out to lunch twice and he declined. He made it very clear last week that he is looking for a hookup. I heard he had a bit of rep from two other co workers but wanted to give him the benefit of doubt. The rumours proved to be some what true and that's the end of me trying to meet people at work.

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Also I'd love for you to explain why having a good career does not add value to women.

I didn't say having a career didn't add value. I said it doesn't add as much value for women as it does for men. This is because men your age and older that want a long-term relationship or marriage want that to have kids, and if there are kids involved a lot of times the wife ends up giving up the career anyway, at least when the kids are young.

 

Another reason is guys like to feel appreciated in a relationship. If a woman has a good career and isn't dependent for money on the guy, then the man feels less appreciated. That appreciation has to be shown in other ways.

 

I like women like you with science or engineering jobs because I like smarter women. But when considering getting married and having a family it's important to me that the kids don't get neglected. I wouldn't want to send my kids to daycare so that we could both work.

 

Maybe many other guys don't think like me. Some guys want a wife with a bigger income so they can live larger.

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Wow deja vu! I had this same convo last week!

 

I have no problems being a stay at home mom however if and only my husband more than enough provide for his family without out being a workaholic or burning out. My mom was a house wife throughout elementary school.

 

My friend said maybe its intimidation. Or like you said they feel they won't be appreciated. Well how do I handle that? The only thing I can think of is lying about myself and that would prolly blow up in my face .

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Wow deja vu! I had this same convo last week!

 

I have no problems being a stay at home mom however if and only my husband more than enough provide for his family without out being a workaholic or burning out. My mom was a house wife throughout elementary school.

 

My friend said maybe its intimidation. Or like you said they feel they won't be appreciated. Well how do I handle that? The only thing I can think of is lying about myself and that would prolly blow up in my face .

That's good that you have a plan for if you get married and have a family. This is good for after you are dating and getting serious. But it sounds like your problem is initially meeting men. Maybe you are too picky, at least at this point since you have been single for a while. Other, less picky women may flirt more than you and attract more men. I have the same problem with being picky, but the only way I can not be picky is to think in terms of more casual dating/relationships which I have a hard time doing.

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That's good that you have a plan for if you get married and have a family. This is good for after you are dating and getting serious. But it sounds like your problem is initially meeting men. Maybe you are too picky, at least at this point since you have been single for a while. Other, less picky women may flirt more than you and attract more men. I have the same problem with being picky, but the only way I can not be picky is to think in terms of more casual dating/relationships which I have a hard time doing.

 

Maybe I am being picky and not realizing it...it is very possible. Sometime we do things because of habit. Thanks your feedback!

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