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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

To make a long story short, my fiance broke up with me a little over a month ago and I neither one has made contact with the other since then. We were together for just about 6 years and friends for 8. He said he didnt love me anymore and started withdrawing months ago. Well my curiosity got the best of me and I looked at his facebook pic. He looks so happy hiking and Ive heard that he has been out on the city pretty much every weekend since then. He didnt even come home until dawn one night. What do you do when it looks like they have moved on and you havent? Im still crying everyday. How can someone move on like that after 6 years together? It just hurts so much.

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That is life. It hurts and now it's your turn to learn how to move on. Keep on pushing forward despite of the feeling that you have inside you. You love that person but you must not love that person anymore because you will get nothing in return.

 

The pain is unbearable at the time but you have to be on your own for the rest of the journey and hopefully try to find someone new to fill in your ex spot.

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Ya facebook can be misleading. He might be hiking to distract himself from missing you...you never know. My suggestion is stop looking at his facebook and take shuttlefish's advice and get out there and work on yourself...enjoy life! Everything happens for a reason.

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He looks so happy.

 

i have to admit, i have done this.. it my efforts to move on, i put myself out there, going out with friends etc. and have posted photos. most of the time (while i was out) I was thinking my ex and if he was out having fun - but you would never know it from the photos.

 

try not to look at them - just move on and make your own happy (really happy) photos

 

good luck

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Ya facebook can be misleading. He might be hiking to distract himself from missing you...you never know. My suggestion is stop looking at his facebook and take shuttlefish's advice and get out there and work on yourself...enjoy life! Everything happens for a reason.

 

I know that there are people in here who dont believe in the whole thing abut everything happens for a reason but I do and its nice to see someone else who does as well. Ive had it happen with jobs. I just know he goes out all the time and seems happy w/out me, which hurts. I feel like i was just standing in his way of what he really wanted.

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Amanda,

 

I am in the same situation as you right now. I had dated my ex for 4 & half years, friends for 5. We shared everything and were soul mates. He was my biggest motivator and I was his. We broke up two months ago because there were simply too much fights going on, and I guess he got tired of it. He also found a new group of friends, and wanted to live life without me, since ever since we entered society, we only dated each other. He had moved on happily, and even let me know personally when I chatted with him over the phone, that he had moved on and I should too. There are photographs of him on Facebook hugging girls at clubs. This, was not the man i knew anymore.

 

This is not going to be easy for us. I am saying from a perspective that I understand because I am in the same boat as you now. I know everything seemed easier said then done, because if it is easy, then why am I on this forum two months on? But we need to do is, we need to live better than before. There are times when I cry, and initially when I cried, i wanted to look for him, and asked him why he did he has such a big change and how could he bear to do this to me. I even begged him to be with me, and he just coolly told me he moved on and we can only be friends.

 

Now when I cry, every tear is still filled with love and longing, and every grief I can muster up. However, i know each tear that falls is going to make me stronger, and more determined that this man who made me cry is absolutely not worth my love. Each tear just pushes me one step closer to forgetting him. Even though it is a few thousand steps away, I will get there.

 

You will too. I sincerely hope you go out, and find your own happiness.

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You can drive yourself nuts about what they're feeling. I heard my ex joined the marines. Then I saw a Facebook picture of her happy on a boat. Then I found out she wasn't in the marines and working at the restaurant I frequent (not anymore I won't!). She seated my parents the other night and they said she was very upbeat, almost smug.

 

I hated hearing that she was happy and seeing her happy in that picture, then I remembered that one of her friends had told me she was on meds now, so maybe that's why she appears to be happy - maybe she's actually miserable (I wish). There are so many factors that can come into play, and for all you know you might be way further in healing than they are. But it'll drive you nuts if you think and think and think about it. I'm going nuts myself in my situation.

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Amanda,

 

Now when I cry, every tear is still filled with love and longing, and every grief I can muster up. However, i know each tear that falls is going to make me stronger, and more determined that this man who made me cry is absolutely not worth my love. Each tear just pushes me one step closer to forgetting him. Even though it is a few thousand steps away, I will get there.

 

You will too. I sincerely hope you go out, and find your own happiness.

 

That's a pretty healthy attitude to have, well done

 

I think it's true that pictures don't represent what is actually happening and he will be going through the pain of the break up too, probably not suffering as much as you as he was the one to initiate.

 

Get out and treat yourself and think of things that are not associated with him that make you happy, maybe things you didn't do when you were with him as you didn't have the time or you gave them up for him.

 

What about your future, I mean career, where do you want to live. Think of yourself as a bright independent woman not one half of a couple and where would you like to be in 5 years - and how can you get there.

 

I know it's hard, and you have to take one step at a time, sometimes by pretending you are feeling better than you are it can actually be assimilated and you can 'learn' to feel happier. Take care.

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He also is planning a trip to Europe, which we had planned to do together. I just dont even register on the radar. I go hiking every single weekend, 4-6 mile hikes with a hiking group. I am meeting tons of people and losing weight. I even have pictures w/ me smiling in them but that smile is a fake one.

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It was cruel of him to say you need to find someone who loves you. I have heard that lots of time, it's in the same box with 'it's not you, it's me', 'I need some alone time', 'I love you but I don't miss you' etc.

 

Go hiking, look great, even if the smile is fake make it wider, walk further, into a new future. *hug*

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Haha, hey Amanda. Yea I heard that one also. I think I get what they are trying to say, but in those situations it would be better if they just said goodbye. Either way I'm sure not everything is perfect in his world, but that shouldn't concern you anymore. Get started on your new life and try to make the best of it you can. Good luck. =). It does get better.

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That all sounds familiar to me...

 

My fiance left after 4 years he was my first love and I was his...Lately, we had a lot of fights and he got tired and he wanted to explore, so he left. He started ignoring me the moment he left 4 months ago (can't believe it is already 4 months) and he has moved on.

 

But my problem is: I WANT TO MOVE ON BUT I CAN'T STOP HOPING HE WILL COME BACK...

 

HOW DO I STOP HOPING!?

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That all sounds familiar to me...

 

My fiance left after 4 years he was my first love and I was his...Lately, we had a lot of fights and he got tired and he wanted to explore, so he left. He started ignoring me the moment he left 4 months ago (can't believe it is already 4 months) and he has moved on.

 

But my problem is: I WANT TO MOVE ON BUT I CAN'T STOP HOPING HE WILL COME BACK...

 

HOW DO I STOP HOPING!?

 

Unfortunantly I do not have the answer. I am stuck in the same situation. I still hope that he would come back as well but I know that he is not. He is having way too much fun out there being selfish.

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Same here. He is going dancing meeting friends...he is having fun! He deleted my friends and my sister in facebook and so on. Still, I hope he is coming back even though I know he obviously won't! But I wish I could stop hoping because I am somehow stuck in that position and when I think about dating someone else I feel like as if I am cheating because if he comes back I had another guy (and up to now he was the only guy that ever touched me). Sounds crazy...I know...

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Same here. He is going dancing meeting friends...he is having fun! He deleted my friends and my sister in facebook and so on. Still, I hope he is coming back even though I know he obviously won't! But I wish I could stop hoping because I am somehow stuck in that position and when I think about dating someone else I feel like as if I am cheating because if he comes back I had another guy (and up to now he was the only guy that ever touched me). Sounds crazy...I know...

 

No it does not sound crazy. We both still have that attachment to our ex's. To us it would feel like cheating. I hope I get over that because there has to be a great guy somewhere out there. I would feel like Im am cheating at this point. I dont even know what he is doing while he is out. i dont know who he is hanging out with. He didnt have any friends out here. Is there another woman? Has he already kissed another girl, or worse, had sex with her? These thoughts make me want to cry.

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Yes ...I know how you feel!! It is nearly 4 months now since he left and still I can't stop thinking about exactly the same things..AND I KNOW he is because one reason he left was to explore..BUT PLEASE DO NOT make the same mistake I did: I sent an email telling him (3 months after break up) that I miss him and that I want another chance and him back. He ignored that email and I regret telling him that because now he must feel pretty good knowing I have not moved on....

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Yes ...I know how you feel!! It is nearly 4 months now since he left and still I can't stop thinking about exactly the same things..AND I KNOW he is because one reason he left was to explore..BUT PLEASE DO NOT make the same mistake I did: I sent an email telling him (3 months after break up) that I miss him and that I want another chance and him back. He ignored that email and I regret telling him that because now he must feel pretty good knowing I have not moved on....

 

I will try not to send an email. I dont know what will even happen tomorrow but so far I have gone NC since the day of the breakup. Everytime I think about doing it I think that HE was the one who decided to leave and he should see what is is like w/out me in his life. If he functions just fine then I guess he really turned into a huge jerk who doesnt care.

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My fiance did break up with me without telling me about that. He just started ignoring me one day during our "relationship". I tried to contact him 6 weeks long till I accpeted that he broke up by IGNORING me. We had no fight. I think he chose this way because it was to hard for him to talk to me. Nevertheless, I know the reasons why he left because he talked to me about breaking up one year ago but changed his mind in the end...This time he didn't change his mind...So I started NC after that 6 weeks of me begging and pleading...After 2 months NC I wrote that email he ignored. Since that email I try to move on and stop hoping but still don't know how...

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Make your own happy photos and keep busy even if you think about him when you're out. You'll start thinking about him less and less with every week and it'll feel great. believe me.

 

I got dumped in a nasty way 4 months ago too and i cired an entire month but it didn't stop me from going out. The more you do the better.

 

I know it's hard not to look at the stupid facebooks and myspaces - i just did it last week to find out that as suspected my ex was after someone else and someone i had met too. It also made me realize that I don't miss him and never have. I was just hurt and angry - and still am - that he didn't respect me enough to be honest.

 

Stop looking at his sad life with no love and look at your own. You have friends and hobbies which is great.

 

What helped me was repeating that why would I want to hope to get someone back - the same someone who treated me like dirt and didn't love me. You don't have time to be with someone who doesn't want you back! You can do better!

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well I got the I am not sure what love is and that she wasn't sure she loved me.

less than 2 months after the break up she is already dating.

I still get the odd email (guess just checking up on me) I reply civily and leave it at that.

Doing my best to move on.

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