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A question related to bipolar.


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He Calls Me Instead Of Texting
He Calls Me Instead Of Texting

When you are dating someone with bipolar, can you expect them to ignore your texts then text you a day or 2 later? or send random texts and maybe just texts with a couple of xx and nothing else. Like maybe they are feeling low and can't be bothered texting you sort of thing. Or if they liked you that much then would they just text like norm. I've never known anyone with bipolar before.

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Do not expect someone with bipolar to act like 'the norm', it is a mental illness and accept that although everyone has their ups and downs, someone with this condition will have these to an extreme degree. Medication can help, though, and some people have the condition more severely than others.

 

If there's a lack of contact when they're feeling low, don't interpret it as 'can't be bothered'; they may not have the energy or motivation to get out of bed, eat or take care of themselves. Alternatively you may find yourself absolutely snowed under with texts containing really random things, and they're so energetic it leaves you gasping for breath. Alternatively, when they are at the elated end of the cycle, they have difficulty concentrating on anything - which may well explain a text with 'xx' and nothing else. Again, it's not that they can't be bothered - they really are doing their best.

 

If you want to continue the relationship - and people with bipolar are often lovely individuals - you might want to find out a bit more about the condition (there's a lot of stuff online). But you really do need to accept that this is likely to be a bit of a roller-coaster ride, and don't take anything they do personally, or imagine you can change them!

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I'll say this much, when I am depressed most people as in.. .. 99% of people shouldn't expect to hear from me. Some of my friends have learned to live with this and understand the situation. When it comes to a relationship however, I can't say I have ever lost contact. But, I will be slow to answer phone calls if they are unexpected.

 

Are they actively trying to manage the illness? If not, I would reconsider the relationship depending on the severity.

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He was diagnosed with bipolar by the doc but he doesn't think it is as he said he only feels like that at work. Yeah, he got pills from do and sad they were helping. I'm just a bit confused to the way he has been acting. I mean, he was all for a relationship but then starts cancelling on me and ignoring texts then texting a day or 2 later with pure random stupid texts.

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Sun night he said he would be along to see me after he had finished work and that he would text me later. He never texted so I texted him a couple of times to see if he had fell asleep. Then the back of 9 I phoned and his phone rang out then 2nd time his flat mate answered and said he went out and left his phone in the house. I was raging!!! Never heard from him so I text the next day saying that if he ignores me this time I don't think we could even just be friends anymore as this was the 4th time he had let me down in the space of 2 weeks! It does quite hurt when someone tells you they really like you, want to be with you then acts like this. Do you think that would be anything to do with his bipolar? I still haven't heard from him so I don't know if I should have sent that text or not but I was angry and hurt.

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All standard protocols are skewed when bi-polar is around.

 

That might be taking it a little far. I think my boyfriend would attest to me being consistent and pretty much normal. I was diagnnosed Bipolar II however.

 

edit: and worked hard for a long time to get it under control

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Yes, it may well have something to do with his bipolar; you are reacting to him the way you would to someone without a mental health problem, and getting upset about it. If you want to stay in the relationship, this is the way it will be, and unless you can really accept that, you should rethink whether you want to be there. Yes, it is confusing - but you're expecting something from him that he just hasn't got to give. And the confusion you're experiencing is just like a tiny, tiny bit of the confusion he'll be experiencing.

 

By the way, denying his diagnosis and the severity of symptoms is also par for the course.

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So...what should I do now after sending him that text?

 

Which was...."why couldn't you just let me be if you were going to be like this? Why did you say you wanted me? Why did you have to lie? If you ignore me this time, I don't even think we could even just be friends any more. You have really upset me this time. Why do you all just take the p**h out of me? What, is it fun?"

 

I feel really guilty now that I'm thinking he might be quite depressed. He works all the overtime he can get and that's another reason why I always get cancelled on. Says he needs the money but then says that it's his work that makes him feel the way he does????

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I feel really guilty now that I'm thinking he might be quite depressed. He works all the overtime he can get and that's another reason why I always get cancelled on. Says he needs the money but then says that it's his work that makes him feel the way he does????

 

If the diagnosis of bipolar is accurate, then it won't be his work making him feel the way he does. I work on an acute mental health ward, and I've known patients brought in by the police following really bizarre, risky behaviour, with really grandiose delusions - claim that it's the hospital which is making them act the way they do. Obviously I see people at the extreme end of the spectrum (at least when they're first admitted), but your guy doesn't seem to have any insight into his condition and is blaming external circumstances.

 

People like SuzyQ2513 not only have that insight, but also a breathtaking level of courage and determination which enable them to lead normal lives.

 

For yourself - don't feel guilty - that's a waste of energy. But do ask yourself what you want from a relationship, and whether your fella is the one to give it to you.

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Yeah but even if I don't want to be in a relationship with him then I wouldn't want to lose our friendship because I do like him but I don't know for definite if his actions are all down to bipolar or if has just been rude and inconsiderate. I don't know him really, really well but I did know that he was a nice enough guy and never expected anything like this from him.

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I have a son in his mid-20's with this disorder. Before the breakdown he was a normal guy, loved to chat up with my sister, his cousins and just anyone. Since he went to the hospital almost 3 years ago, he is so medicated he doesn't really reach out to anyone. He has one female friend at work that loves him very much, like a brother I think. They have known each other for several years now, and she seems to watch out for him. She knew him before this happened and saw the sad transformation, so she remembers the real person inside. She sends him e-mail all the time, and he never answers them.

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I have a son in his mid-20's with this disorder. Before the breakdown he was a normal guy, loved to chat up with my sister, his cousins and just anyone. Since he went to the hospital almost 3 years ago, he is so medicated he doesn't really reach out to anyone. He has one female friend at work that loves him very much, like a brother I think. They have known each other for several years now, and she seems to watch out for him. She knew him before this happened and saw the sad transformation, so she remembers the real person inside. She sends him e-mail all the time, and he never answers them.

 

Aww, that is so sad. She sounds like a lovely person.

 

I hope your son gets better with time.

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Aww, that is so sad. She sounds like a lovely person.

 

I hope your son gets better with time.

 

Yes, she has all my respect. I don't know her except for times I have run into her at a store a few times. We saw her this weekend and I spoke to her. My son said she called him at home to report that we talked to her. lol

 

You can't imagine, DW, how much this means to me. He really has no one else that cares except for his family. When people meet him now they probably just think he is strange.

 

When he was younger someone mentioned he was fast like a little jackrabbit. And now he is more like a turtle.

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Bipolar is a hard life. Being off the meds kills you, and being on the meds empties you.

 

The best medicine is lovely people who can stick by your side at the end of the ride.

 

My ex boyfriend's father and brother were both extremely bipolar. He said that that was his biggest fear. Inheriting their burden.

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Bipolar is a hard life. Being off the meds kills you, and being on the meds empties you.

 

The best medicine is lovely people who can stick by your side at the end of the ride.

 

My ex boyfriend's father and brother were both extremely bipolar. He said that that was his biggest fear. Inheriting their burden.

 

 

I can imagine how he must have worried.

 

What I admire in my son is his willingness to follow the doctor's advice to stay on these drugs. He is, of course, very concerned about long term, and possibly permanent side effects. But he mans up and does what he has to do to prevent being institutionalized again and putting us all through the wringer.

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I can imagine how he must have worried.

 

What I admire in my son is his willingness to follow the doctor's advice to stay on these drugs. He is, of course, very concerned about long term, and possibly permanent side effects. But he mans up and does what he has to do to prevent being institutionalized again and putting us all through the wringer.

 

You should be proud. Most people can't stick with the meds. There is still hope then.

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I would say one of the hardest parts is the process of finding the right medication. I have been on some with HORRIBLE mental side effects and then one with awful physical ones. When I started taking one mood stabalizer, I ended up in the ER because I kept passing out.

 

Thank god I have finally found one that seems to be helping thus far.

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