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Long time, no see! Advice on how to apologize needed.


justally

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Hey, everyone! Long time, no see! Have been mostly tied up working 54 hrs a week, so very much sorry.

 

Yesterday I did something very stupid. I've been dating this guy since late March, so we're just getting out of that "honey moon" stage.

Yesterday, he was talking about how he was never going to get his degree because he just can't take math. He doesn't get the point of it, because his basic arithmetic is strong, and that's what he needs for life. Budgeting and all that.

Now I really hate it when people say that they can't do something. So I kinda started rambling about how it was your own mind that sets your limits, and unless you want to be a bottom-dweller (it was a huge fish metaphor), you've got to push your self anyway. But it came out rude and unclear, and didn't make the point very clear. He looked at me for a minute, got dressed (he was just in pj bottoms), and just left. Like that.

Last night, before he started work, he texted me. What I said, he completely misinterpreted. He thought I was calling him stupid, and was saying he'd never rise up in life. What I meant to be motivational, did the opposite. It hurt him. I tried saying sorry, but he said that he can tell when people mean things, whether it was heartfelt or not, and I was being earnest. He won't text me or talk to me since then.

 

His biggest things are respect and boundaries. By insulting him so, I showed him massive disrespect, and crossed well over my right in his life.

 

Look, I really like him. I like spending time with him, he and I can bounce ideas off each other really naturally, and I don't have to change myself to be around him. We have some great fun, and a lot of common dreams.

I don't want to lose him because I'm stupid.

Any ideas?

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It sounds to me like you apologized for what you said. However I don't see anything wrong with what you said. He just misinterpreted it. I think you should get in contact with him, apologize for they way you said it that must have caused him to misinterpret it. You may have already done that, but it' just a bit unclear from your wording.

 

You wouldn't be losing him because you're stupid. He's just being a little dramatic about something he took the wrong way. I think in time it will pass. Just make sure he knows what your intentions were with what you said. Talk to him in person about it. Look in his eyes and he'll have to believe you.

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I think he has made a judgment call on you more than anything else. What you said may have come off as shallow and/or over-judgmental. I'm going to be completely honest, I am not sure how you are going to be able to convince him that your main motive was to be motivational. I mean you basically called him a bottom feeder. It is really out of place for a significant other to tell you that you have to do something or you are going to be a loser, that should be saved for pyramid scheme motivational speakers because we don't care what they think of us lol. Just be as sincere as you can in expressing that you really admire what he is doing and was just getting into it because you wanted him to achieve what HE wants and that you just made a blunder. Miscommunication.

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Did you actually use the word "bottom-dweller"??

 

 

It was a fish metaphor! Really! I never said he was one, but I said people who don't allow themselves to reach their full potential are like fish who live at the bottom of the sea. Heck, they're happy fish, but some fish get to go up and down as they will and see sunlight, too! >.

There is no excuse for such carelessness with my words, though.

Yes, btw, I texted him an apology for the whole thing, within an hour after he left, after I tried to figure out why he reacted the way he did.

I had a medical procedure on Saturday that I'm still dealing with the ramifications from, and selfish as I am, I want him here with me. He's the only person who knows about it...

 

I'll be seeing him tonight, before work. He's supposed to give me a ride to work-I can't ride my bike or do any "excerise" including walk to work for two weeks. And my car's alternator is out. He said he'd help me out...I hope he still will, or my job is gone. I'll try it in person; if he could tell I meant what I said there, maybe he'll believe me then?

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Now I really hate it when people say that they can't do something. So I kinda started rambling about how it was your own mind that sets your limits, and unless you want to be a bottom-dweller (it was a huge fish metaphor), you've got to push your self anyway.

 

If you're telling the whole story, then I guess I'm in the minority in thinking your bf overreacted. Like you said, it's not like you called him a "bottom-dweller"; you just just said he should try harder and stay on track so he doesn't become one.

 

Honestly, if someone called me a bottom-dweller, I'd be too busy laughing to be insulted. It's like some weird throwback insult from the 1920s.

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If you're telling the whole story, then I guess I'm in the minority in thinking your bf overreacted. Like you said, it's not like you called him a "bottom-dweller"; you just just said he should try harder and stay on track so he doesn't become one.

 

Honestly, if someone called me a bottom-dweller, I'd be too busy laughing to be insulted. It's like some weird throwback insult from the 1920s.

 

Well, I think he over reacted...and I think I'm being fair in telling the boring tale, but I was also on vicodin and under a heat blanket and nearly asleep. I was not exactly eloquent, nor am I normally.

 

I like the fish metaphor! I mean, it's not scientifically accurate by any means, but it's fun! Bottom-dwellers, sharks, schools of fish....I think it can be used to describe society in a superficial way. I told him he could be a shark, so why settle on being a scary-looking fish at the bottom of the ocean....LOL.

What are those ones with the light they use to blind/attract the fish they eat? Those are some wicked cool fishes.

 

Ah....Enotalone, I miss this forum! I still have finals, but I think I'll be hanging around here again once classes are out....

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Apologize Meaning | Apologize in a ...
Apologize Meaning | Apologize in a Sentence | Most common words in English #shorts

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