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how do you forget your ex


broken07
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Ok, it has been a year since i broke up with my ex. My ex and I were together for 4 years, best friends, and honestly what I thought was the love of my life. So why did we break up, after about 7 times of being cheated on, I finally woke up and realized I deserved better! Now a year later I still miss him, still think about him, and still do the whats ifs in my head. Since we broke up the first few months he begged for me back, he spent a month in bed, he was heartbroken. Honestly I just dont think he ever thought I would leave. He assumed he could do whatever and Id always be there, and why not I was always there. Him and I have been NC for awhile, here and there he will email to see how Im doing. We met up a couple months ago, and he was adament about how much he has changed, talked about his mistakes, the reason he did the things he did. He came clean on everything, and said if he just had another chance he would never let me down. That he would give me the life I always wanted with him.

 

My question is, do people change, or is he the same guy he always was???

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people do change. if the depth of love is there -- they can move mountains to be with you.

 

however, i can only speak from my own life experiences. as i don't know your ex or you, i can't guarantee anything.

 

good luck -- and whatever you decide on, you deserve to be treated as the most special person on earth.

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People do change...Thing is that its not that easy, and its definitely not something to happen overnight.

 

I'd like to think I'm living proof as I have changed many things in my life ie: physical appearance as well as character/attitude and habits. The main issue is that the person has to WANT to change themselves before any real change can happen. And if you've been out of contact the only way to find out if they've changed is to somehow re-establish it.

 

Re-establish only if you're comfortable and can be okay with the outcome if you find the person hasnt changed one bit, which is more likely than them actually having changed. Take it slow from there if you re-establish, to make sure if he's thoroughly changed and isnt trying to manipulate you.

 

Most important is to just not rush into anything...

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Maybe people can change in that regard. But that is a big maybe in my book. I dated a guy for three years and thought I knew he cheated on me twice. Little did I know it was actually worse (I only found out recently). You can think you know somebody....

 

But, regardless of if he changed or not, I would be somewhat shocked if you were actually able to go ahead into a relationship with him with 100% trust. If you can't, move on. Personally, I would just say there are plenty of fish in the sea and he blew his chance.

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thing is with him, what has kept me away for a year is the fact that hes cheated on everyone hes ever been with. Why now is it different?? Will he go back to his ways once he has me back. How could I ever trust him again. I believe a person can change, if they want to, and if its worth it to them. I know he loves me, wants to be with me, marry me, everything. But do I take the risk, for 4 years he cheated over and over, why was I not worth it then, but I am now.

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thing is with him, what has kept me away for a year is the fact that hes cheated on everyone hes ever been with. Why now is it different?? Will he go back to his ways once he has me back. How could I ever trust him again. I believe a person can change, if they want to, and if its worth it to them. I know he loves me, wants to be with me, marry me, everything. But do I take the risk, for 4 years he cheated over and over, why was I not worth it then, but I am now.

 

Exactly. My ex cheated on every girl he has every been with as well. In the end, he was dating his ex before me, myself, and one other girl all at the same time (this I didn't know until now.. I mean, the ex included part). And, I know for a fact he has cheated on the "other girl" who he has been with for a few years now.

 

If he came back to me and said he had changed, and even if part of me believed him, I wouldn't care. Not one bit. Because, I don't think I could ever totally let my guard down with him again. And if you don't have that.. then what do you have?

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very true, i feel like I would be back to the girl who constantly worried and check everything. The last straw with me with him was when him and I went out to dinner one night, and apparently two girls stopped by his house while we were gone. I only know bc the neighbors told me, and they told the girls he was with his g/f, and they said g/f what g/f. After that we got back to the house, and I asked him about it. He said he had no idea who it was. Then he gets a text from the girl, the text says "you miss out, we were drunk, and wanted a 3some." Hmmm no idea who it is huh, odd she knows where you live, and has your number. I demanded he respond, but what does he do, deletes the texts and says he doesn't want anything to do with it, that it was just someone trying to cause problems. yeah, after that, I ended it a week later.

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Yeah, nobody likes feeling paranoid. You deserve better than that for sure. I would leave him to lick his wounds and move on.

 

The guy that cheated on me twice.. well three times as far as I know... we also broke up. He changed, went on his best behaviour and I let him have a second chance. It ended with more cheating. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have done that to myself. Not because he would have ended up cheating again because maaaaybe he wouldn't have. It was just too much stress and too little trust. Total opposite of a healthy relationship.

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if you do decide to let him come back, in order to be happy, you must decide to truly forgive and trust again and move forward. this does not mean you have to forget. it will take a lot of time and effort - mostly on his part - but it can be done if there's enough love and if there is a will. the question is whether you can forgive and trust and want to go through the effort.

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