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going to have to break NC.. how best to handle it.


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so iv now been 3 months of NC, and doing so well, practacly over her. (only untll i see her in person and it all rushes back.). so here is my dillemma,

 

its my brothers best mate's engagement. i have grown up with him, and well while i was with my ex we use to organizse things as couples. and she became friend with the bride to be. and its not like there good friends. i dont think they have even seen eachother since the breakup. being mate mates gf. and my ex wouldnt have known them otherwsie.

 

i dont want to see my ex. at all. she left me to be single. i dont want to see her happy. nor do i want to see her sad. i just dont want to know she exsists. i can live without the knowledge of her exsistance. but knowing shes there and i can just walk up and talk to her. is going to be so weird!

my question to you all is,

 

do i msg her and ask her to please not come? - think bit extreme but effective

if she is there do i say hello first?

kiss on cheek hello? hug.

ignore her? and blow her off if she says hello.

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Don't message her with any of those intentions. It's not up to you to ask her not to come if indeed she's gotten the invite.

 

Don't ignore her either, just be indifferent. If she acknowledges you be polite but above all, indifferent. Try and keep your composure as best you can, it's not going to be easy.

 

Lastly, mate, you have got to face the facts that she'll be part of your thoughts until you're able to accept her for who, and what she's done to you. You are still reeling from the hurt... Let it go, and don't hold onto these resentments if you haven't come face to face with them yet.

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agree, you have no right to ask her not to come given that she has been invited

 

I think you will do your best to be polite and say hello and just carry on with the party. You will be churning inside, but you will feel pretty dignified about the way you handled things later as opposed to ignoring her, which is what she will probably be expecting. Surprise her, yourself and the other people at the party by being dignified.

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My suggestion:

 

She's been invited. You don't have the right to ask her not to come. Period.

 

The best thing you can do (the best revenge you can take) is to just IGNORE her. When you IGNORE someone, it's the best way you can make them go crazy. Believe me.

 

BUT, keep in mind you have to have a blast that night. Laugh with your friends, show her you're having a PERFECT time without her.

 

In my opinion, you shall not even think about giving her a glance. Even the slightest look. However, if she approaches you, just stay calm, smile politely, say an indifferent "hi, how are you?", and then slowly walk away. As if you don't care about her. Do not show any anger/depression etc etc. Just ignore her.

 

The result will be miraculous.

 

(i don't mean that ignorance will make her come back to you.. this is the last thing you want, i guess.. i just mean that IGNORANCE will give you the best revenge you can have.. this is a "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity for you to dignify yourself.. Don't spoil it)

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see marcon1984, thats the sort of result im going for.

 

iv already bought clothes.

im 10kg less and 5kg more muscle. so im really fit atm. i just want to like look unbelievable., i mean everyone there is my friends. she only knows them through me.

so naturally ill have the majority of people to talk to where she will only have a few, i just worry about if she doesnt approach me at all. and tries the play it cool approach.

 

i mean i wont be approaching her at all.

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Xplode, can you tell is if you were the dumper or the dumpee?

 

If you were the dumper, did she give you any good reasons for you to dump her?

 

The reason I'm asking, is that she wouldn't deserve a revenge if she was the dumpee. It would be unfair.

 

But if she was the one that made the dumping, GO FOR IT pal..

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It depends on you, so it's really hard to advise...I will tell you what I would do, but you may not be like me...

 

I would personally give them a hug (kiss on the cheek may be a bit much). Ignoring them would be mighty hard and I'd personally feel a lot worse knowing they are there and I'm not acknowlging their existence. Seems unnatural to me.

 

At the same time, after a polite hug and some small talk, I would do like other suggested and mingle around, go hang out with your friends, laugh...look like you're having fun.

 

If you hug you ex, it shows you can still be civil, harbor no hard feelings, and are moving on with your life (IMO). When my ex and I ran into his highschool girlfriend (at the movies), he hugged her and talked to her for a few minutes. I didn't see anything wrong with that...it just showed they could be cool and were "over" each other.

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Agree, I think that ignoring your ex actually gives them power...you should act nonchalant (and yes, it is an act but you can do it) and friendly, like you would with ANYone. Don't treat your ex differently than you would anyone else. This gives YOU power. By treating your ex as you would any other person, you are showing that they do not have any effect on you emotionally. This will disarm and surprise your ex.

 

That said, do not approach your ex or try to find her by scanning the room. You will be too busy talking and laughing with other people. Easy, breezy, nonchalant. You are confident, you look great, and you feel great. You are having a great time no matter what because whether SHE is there or not, you like yourself and you know it (this is what you must tell yourself). If/when she finds you or your eyes meet, acknowledge her with a smile. If she greets you, greet back. If you feel like hugging her, do so but don't think about it, just go with the flow. Do what feels natural. If she says anything about it being awkward to see you, disagree and say it's fine to see her. Make your conversation short, and be the first one to end it - of course, in a cordial way. Tell your ex it was nice to see her, as you would anyone.

 

It's a big game, it sucks but just convince yourself you will be fine and you WILL. I've been having to do this for months now as I work part time with my ex and see him about once a week. It's really freakin' hard but with time I know I will get used to it.

 

I just think ignoring is too obvious. It just convinces the ex that you are still holding a grudge. Just my opinion though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

ok, thankyou everyone for your input, i cant believe how much sleep i have been loosing over this.

 

but i have decided that its easier to forget someone when you feel they dont exsist, now i have to see her i t just brings it all back.

but its 1 night. im strong enough to make it though. i have over 100 friends in the room. where as she has a bout 4-6.

 

i will greet her as i do anyone else. and just say hi, hope you have been well, ill speak to you later on (not planning to speak to her later on thou). if she wants to talk she can. i have no need nor shall i have any desire (yes i lie to myself). and i can dance drink and have a great night.

 

 

its gonna be hard cause i know im still crazy in love with her. and want nothing more than to work things out. but she broke it off. and i cant chase someone who doesnt want me. the way i want them.

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How To Say Goodbye To The Past And ...
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And Make A Fresh Start

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