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Hey everyone, im new here and this seems like a good place to vent.

Ill try to keep it short. So we had a strong relationship, we were living together taking care of eachother, we both were ready to spend the rest of are lives together..Well one night there was a party at my house, and i drank a little to much and got mad at her. I said some stuff that i regretted not 5 min later.. which eventually lead to her packing her stuff and leaving. We talked everyday for about a month, and everyday i told her how much i loved her.

well one day her x's roomate told me that she slept with him, after we "broke up", He said she wanted to tell me, but he told me anyway.. well i found that out, i called her about every name in the book, then changed my phone number, blocked her from email, myspace, ect..Well that never helped cause i couldnt get her out of my head, everyday i woke up thinking about her. I still loved her. Well she got ahold of me last week, and broke down. She swears she did it because she was hurt, and figured i had moved on. I told her we would do this in person.. So last night i went over there, she has lost like 15 pounds, i could tell that this has taken alot of affect on her. She broke down, told me how sorry she was, that it was the biggest mistake of her life, how she cant live without me. ect..Being a vunerable person i stayed the night,, she wouldnt let me go all night.. I really dont know what to do.. I love her to death,, i dont if i can forgive her for that,, any advice would help thank you..

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I think you should start over again. Take things slow. I know how much something like that can hurt and can sometimes destroy relationships. But, I can tell that you both truly care for each other. You both made mistakes that you both regret. You just need to BOTH move forward. Together. Just tell her that it will take time for you to forgive her but at the same time you are sorry for saying those awful things. Tell her that you love her and that you want to make things work. I think it will take time but I don't see why things with you two shouldn't work out.

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One thing I would focus on more than anything to do with getting back with her is figuring out why you respond to things with verbal abuse. I am coming to grips with it myself and have identified why I do it and am seeking help to deal with it. If you dont do the same you are gonna have a lot of failed relationships. Women hold on tight to words, especially when they cut like a knife.

 

I will tell you one thing, no matter if you meant these things or not, they still hurt and they arent easily forgotten. Like I said, I am not casting stones I have the same issue, but one thing to remember....You simply dont get to speak to people that way. And there is no excuse for it.

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I think you need to work on a few things before you make it official.

 

Namely: your anger.

 

I can't imagine why you'd yell at her, even if you were drunk. What was that all about? Is that normal?

 

The same goes for when you found out that she slept with someone. She was single, it was little of your business. Yet you practically verbally abused her. Feeling sorry just isn't enough. You need to fix what triggers that and work on it.

 

Before you get back together, I'd figure out where all that anger stems from and work on it. Just find your footing.

 

As for getting back together, once you feel that you are both in healthy places, I'd start from scratch. Don't move in together. Go on a few dates once or twice a week. Rediscover your friendship and really start all over.

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Thanks for your input, My anger isnt all that bad, i actually never acted so selfish towards someone. I dont know if it came out of fear of loosing her, or jealousy. its true that we she was single, i just got so mad when i had found out. I feelt like i lost everything, it was a side i had never seen in myself. Reason i changed my number and had no contact for a couple weeks, i didnt want to hurt her anymore, fight with her anymore. i figured no contact would make the feelings go away.. I want to give it a shot, she does too, i just wish there was an easy way to forget..

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I don't think that you should take a longer break. I think that you just need to start over now. Take her on a date and both just talk things out and have fun. Enjoy each other's company. You BOTH made mistakes. It will just take time to get past them. You will never completely forget but you will just have to move on to be happy together. You both obviously still care for each other so take advantage of what you have. Don't move back in together right away but call her and go on dates. Just move forward and work your way up to where you were before things got screwed up. Make sure to work on your anger issues and prove to her that you didn't mean what you said. Learn to think before you say something. Through time...I think things should work out if you both accept the past and move forward together.

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So here is the latest,

We have been talking about where we made are mistakes. Her side of it was that she was hurt, and angry with me, and made the mistake of sleeping with her x. She says it is the worst mistake of her life, and she will always regret it. She says she loves me with all her heart, and when we were together she never even thought of another. She wants to take it slow and get back to were we were. I love her and willing to make that effort, im just afraid i wont ever be able to forgive her. I know she was hurt, i was to. I never thought she would resort to sleeping with her x. I just want the image out of my head. We do love eachother, she wants us again, but is it worth it?

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I think it's worth it. It will take time. But your love for her will be the reason why you will forgive her and move forward. She has forgiven you.

 

PuckDog

 

That's why they need to talk things over and move forward together. You can't dwell on the past. It doesn't help anything. I know how it feels to be betrayed. And I know from experience that bringing it up again and again and thinking of it and not moving forward after talking about it does not help anything.

 

If you both love each other, then why not make it work?? You have your whole life ahead of you. Why shouldn't you be happy?

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It all depends on whether or not you can let go of her mistakes. Sounds like she hasn't yet, it takes a long time.

 

When my boyfriend and I broke up last year, he got a rebound girl. All they did is kiss yet I have a hard time letting go. I get sad whenever talk of that summer comes up. But, it got a lot easier with time.

 

When we were getting back together though, woah, was it rough. The pain stuck around for a long time. It'd build up again and again. I wouldn't want to talk about it because I knew it'd just make him feel bad (which I didn't want to do. He felt bad enough) and we wouldn't come to anything that would fix the problem. I knew only time would fix it. But, eventually (about once a month), it'd build up so much that I'd cry about something random, spill the beans that I was hurting, he'd reassure me, we'd talk somemore about our feelings, and I felt so much better afterward.

 

It took a few months of that before I considered ourselves stable again. The fact that we are long distance and hadn't seen each other in 8 months wasn't helping any.

 

But, now, we have come to a place where we are best friends again. I have little to say about last summer except an occassional twinge of sadness. But, I think we have become so much stronger given the struggle we went through.

 

Getting back together was the hardest time in my life emotionally.

 

It's a trial in every meaning of the word.

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