Friends With An Ex Equals Hidden Motives.

[vertigoxo]

I am not generalizing here... but I've personally experienced and heard from other peoples' experiences with being friends with an ex is usually described as "difficult". What I mean is, that usually, a person becomes friends with an ex, and that ex usually tries and screw the other person's relationships, or by trying their hardest to subtly not have them move on completely from them, know what I'm saying?

 

I feel that, if you're over your ex 100%, you wouldn't want them back even as a friend/aqquaintance. If you disliked their bad qualities or who they are, why be friends with them, you know? If they treated you badly while together, what makes you think they'll treat you any better if you two decide to be "just friends"?

 

There's a saying that goes, They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you either. If you were friends with an ex, and say you fall madly in love with someone else... Your ex, no matter how much they seem to have "moved on", might get very jealous and will sabotage your relationship with said person. It's human nature, I suppose.

 

In my experience with my ex, he was in contact with 3 different exes. One of them kept breaking up with him over and over again, and has a long term boyfriend. Another one doesn't want my ex at all, and is known to be a total sociopath. The other one is a notorious * * * * . When we got together, when we fell madly in love with each other... Guess what? ALL 3, yes, ALL OF THEM, blew up his phone by telling him how much they missed him and so on.

 

When I dumped him, the sociopathic ex and my ex went out for a month. When I didn't do anything to get in the way, when I tried my hardest to move on... guess what happens? The sociopath breaks up with my ex to go out with someone else. Before that happened, the notorious * * * * begged my ex to have sex with her, but my ex declined the offer. (Who knows, though...)

 

But here is the strangest part... All of so called "female friends" of his that were jealous of us didn't even went out with him or claimed they like him like that. One girl even tried to kiss him while we were together... and now she's going out with someone else. Another girl who claims she liked him for a long time, is now/maybe not now going out with my ex, but doesn't want to be with him anymore.

 

So what I'm trying to say here is... People hate it when other people are happy. People are naturally drawn to people who are taken. A guy may not have a second glance if he's out alone and single, but pair him up with an attractive woman who is very happy to be with him, and you'll have lines of girls rounding up to tell that guy to "Dump the * * * * and go out with me instead!"

 

Now that I don't desire my ex in any way, shape, or form, other girls sense it and are put off by it.

 

So even though your ex may tell you, "I am so over you. I'm happy with my new life, etc etc.", let's see how happy they are once you bang a hot guy/chick and fall in love again.

 

Remember... People want what they can't have... and once they have it, they don't want it anymore.

 

Kudos!

[Perfection]

i agree with all you have said. 100%.

[penelope13]

I feel that, if you're over your ex 100%, you wouldn't want them back even as a friend/aqquaintance. If you disliked their bad qualities or who they are, why be friends with them, you know? If they treated you badly while together, what makes you think they'll treat you any better if you two decide to be "just friends"?

 

Most often it is indeed very hard to be friends with an ex, since the residual emotions (either of lingering feelings or the hurt) come in the way.

 

Of course if someone hurt you or they disrespected and mistreated you, there should be no want to stay friends with them.

 

But it does happen, although it seems to be the minority of cases, that a relationship simply ends because the 2 people in question realize that while they might be good friends, they are not right for each other as a couple. instead of resenting the other person that they might not have all the ingredients that you require from a partner (after all you might equally not have all that they would want), you could just accept that you are different and want different things in a relationship and decide mutually to end the relationship part. - In this case a friendship is still possible and it can turn out even into great friendships, because you have learned a lot of the intimate little things about each other.

 

I am friends with a number of my exes. We talk about our respective relationships like any friends would do (well, actually they are as brothers in this respect now: only the 'best of the best' is good enough) and I expect to be invited to their weddings and they will be most certainly invited to mine

[tattoobunnie]

Well...the one thing that connects to all of the people involved here is the dude. There are many men and women who are forward with their intentions, and don't humor their exs by accepting or making contact. If you find that your "friends" are not concerned with your happiness, and in fact jealous of it, they are not friends...kick em to the curb.

 

I on the other hand...if a man is taken, spoken for, I have zero interest in them. And I have zero interest in dating someone who's been with a friend. Gross. Had this discussion the other day about group incest (friends dating the same crew over and over / Grey's Anatomy style)...don't get it, don't care for it...

[odile]

I am not generalizing here... but I've personally experienced and heard from other peoples' experiences with being friends with an ex is usually described as "difficult". What I mean is, that usually, a person becomes friends with an ex, and that ex usually tries and screw the other person's relationships, or by trying their hardest to subtly not have them move on completely from them, know what I'm saying?

 

I feel that, if you're over your ex 100%, you wouldn't want them back even as a friend/aqquaintance. If you disliked their bad qualities or who they are, why be friends with them, you know?

 

Well, some relationships don't end due to specific wrongdoings or active dislikes of the other person on the whole-- just incompatibility.

 

I am friends with some of my exes-- exes whom I would never want to date again, yet who I do care about, and consider friends (and have done for years).

I just wouldn't date someone that I couldn't consider a friend first, and when a relationship ends, it doesn't mean that the friendship has to die.

 

This is just my feeling, and there are definitely exceptions, so i agree with you totally when you say:

 

"If they treated you badly while together, what makes you think they'll treat you any better if you two decide to be "just friends"?

[ScorpiGal83]

Hmm.. your post has certainly given me food for thought..

 

I was considering being friends with my ex, who dumped me 3 mths ago.. but now I'm not so sure because honestly I don't even fully know what my own intentions are.. I know I don't want him back, that's for sure...

[uhohlala]

The basic concept of hidden motives is always good to bear in mind: for yourself and for any ex you might be interacting with.

 

I feel that, if you're over your ex 100%, you wouldn't want them back even as a friend/aqquaintance. If you disliked their bad qualities or who they are, why be friends with them, you know? If they treated you badly while together, what makes you think they'll treat you any better if you two decide to be "just friends"?

 

This assumes that the relationship ended because of bad behavior or undesirable qualities that would factor into a friendship -- not always true.

 

There's a saying that goes, They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you either. If you were friends with an ex, and say you fall madly in love with someone else... Your ex, no matter how much they seem to have "moved on", might get very jealous and will sabotage your relationship with said person. It's human nature, I suppose.

 

Sure ... this can definitely be a problem. But only if you're susceptible to their moves. I admit to being a bit curious about what's been behind my ex's recent displays of apparent jealousy where I'm concerned (despite the fact that he's been in a relationship for the last nine months or so), but since I'm aware of the fact that it's merely ineffectual jealousy on his part, it's not something that affects me in any practical way (although, obviously, enough to get me saying "hmmm... what's going on here?" ).

 

In my experience with my ex, he was in contact with 3 different exes. One of them kept breaking up with him over and over again, and has a long term boyfriend. Another one doesn't want my ex at all, and is known to be a total sociopath. The other one is a notorious * * * * . When we got together, when we fell madly in love with each other... Guess what? ALL 3, yes, ALL OF THEM, blew up his phone by telling him how much they missed him and so on.

 

Interesting ... but wouldn't it have just been bizarrely amusing or pitiable if in fact the two of you were really into each other? If your ex could still be enticed by some of his unscrupulous exes then I think the problem you were really dealing with was that he wasn't over some or all of them (possible, I suppose), or his devotion to you wasn't as deep as it should have been. Someone who's got 3 different exes in hot pursuit when he's in a new relationship kind of sounds like a player to me. The trio of exes wouldn't keep at it if they never got results.

[doiiiieeezie]

You know, there are two sides of the coin... but there is a friend I know that actually is friends with most of his ex's and still hangs around them on a regular basis. Does he want to be with them? Nope, and in order for him to be in a relationship with anyone, they need to accept that.