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Success Story.. and yes NC worked!!


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I use to come on to the forums writing posts after posts about my horrible break-up and how depressed I was. So many of you gave me advice and support.. I appreciate it all! I remember spending hours on enotalone just reading other people stories and just looking for hope.

 

Like many, I tried to do the NC, but kept failing by breaking it and calling my ex over and over. Every week I would tell myself ok im not going to contact him and then 2 days later, I couldn't stop myself from dialing his number. I was major wreck. It was like a nightmare come true and although he never did cheat on me.. he did rebound a month after we had broken up and dated some girl cause he thought he was "over" me. Of course when I found this out, I was devastated.. my life crumbled into pieces. 3 years with this man.. wasted. I almost felt like I'd rather be dead than deal with this pain. But finding out that he was with another girl helped me move on even more because it made me not want to contact him anymore. I wanted NOTHING to do with him. I was disgusted and finally deleted all my pics of him on myspace, blocked him on aim and myspace, and deleted his number and put all the things he had given me away in a box so that I could no longer see it. I was still depressed and in pain.. but I realized NC was the only way for me to heal. I even read an e-book that someone sent me about doing NC and how that will make your ex want you back. Although I was disgusted with my ex, I still wanted him to beg me back and I still wanted him to feel sorry for the pain he put me through (we had a very toxic relationship).

 

The funny thing is.. I followed this e-book and the advice from the forums. In my mind, I was like this is not going to work.. but I followed what the book and everyone said to do.. just MOVE ON!!! That's the only thing you can do. And I did. I started working out, doing things I loved doing, got my hair and nails done, went out clubbing with my girlfriends, met new people, dated new guys.. I did whatever that made me happy and kept my mind off my ex.

 

I did not contact my ex or even txt him although I was curious to know what he was up to. Then 1 MONTH later, he calls me! He called from his work number so i didn't recognize it and answered it. It was funny cause I didn't recognize his voice and asked "who is this??" I think he was shocked. You know what I did when I found out it was him? I blew him off! I was so shocked at myself because I never in a million years thought I'd have the confidence to do that. I guess knowing that he was with another girl made me want nothing to do with him. But I was just surprised at the way i handled the convo with him. I acted like I had moved on. I didn't act sad/depressed/angry.. instead I acted HAPPY, CONFIDENT and told him I was busy and that i had to go. I could tell he wanted to stay on the phone longer but I made it short and told him "maybe I'll call you another day."

 

 

Well, I never did call him back. I had no need to. Then 2 weeks later, I get a txt from him saying "Yo, how are you doing?" I ignore it. 5 min later he txts me "You know I try to make a conversation with you cause I still do care about you." My heart dropped reading that msg but I had to be strong. So I ignored it. Although I so badly wanted to txt him back, I knew that it would just show him that I still cared. Next day, he calls me! I finally decided to answer it and see what he has to say. Boy was I in for a surprise. Never in a million years did I think my ex would appologize or BEG me back. He's the type to hate to admit that he's wrong.. and the way our breakup ended.. I really thought we'd never talk to each other ever again. He pretty much told me he made the biggest mistake of his life and that the girl he was dating meant nothing to him. He said he was ashamed that it took him this long long to realize what he had and that there was no one compared to me. He said he still loved me and that he was going to dump that girl that night! He would of dumped her sooner but it was a lot more complicated because he worked with her and he's the manager.. and she was kind of crazy so who knows what she might pull on him after he dumps her. He somehow made her quit her job though cause I told him there is no way in hell i would be with him if he still worked with her. He told me he would do ANYTHING to get me back. I honestly didn't believe a word he was saying. I even told him that he can talk all he wants but I won't believe anything he says cause I have absolutely zero trust in him. He said he understood and that he would prove it to me. Anyways after a long talk, I told him that I had to go and id talk to him later. After our convo though, he emailed me and texted me like an hour later! The email was basically him stating he made the biggest mistake of his life and that he wish he could take it back but he cant and that he would do anything to gain my trust back. He said that he was miserable without me and that can't live without me. I was a little touched my the email but still skeptical. I continued to ignore his txt and email. And then he called me again later that night telling me he broke up with the girl (btw they only dated for a month and it wasn't serious). He pretty much told me everything and was straight up about how we were always fighting so much and breaking up all the time that he thought our relationship wasn't going to work, especially cause I complained and got mad all the time about his busy work schedule and his new job. He couldn't handle all the pressure and he just couldnt take it anymore. He said he thought he was over me but realized later that he still loved me. Unfortunately it took him dating another girl and time away from me to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

 

So I basically told him that I didn't know if i could trust him ever again and that i dont even know if i still have feelings for him (i lied.. cause I knew I still did). Although he broke up with the girl, I wasn't going to just let him off that easily. He wanted to see me so bad but I told him no, not until I am ready. So basically we talked everyday for a month. He would call me numerous times a day... txt me all the time saying he missed me and all this other lovey stuff. He would make sure to find time even though he was at work, to call me where as before, he would never do that. If anyone interrupted him while we were talking, he'd tell them he was on an important "business" call. He pretty much was trying to prove to me that he was a changed man. He said he learned a lot from the breakup and that he can't treat people like this. He felt so guilty that he would cry to himself at work and at home. So blah blah.. i'll try to make this short as possible.. but I finally decided to give him a chance and see him to see how things would be. I already knew he wanted to be back with me.. he even said that he knew i was the one and he's ready to settle down and get married! I was overwhelmed with all this.. but at the same time it was nice to hear.

 

When we finally did meet.. the attraction and connection was still there. We've always had that special bond. The thing that we struggled with before when we were going out was communication. We always fought and his way of dealing with things was to ignore me or just break up with me. I told him that is one of the reasons I wouldnt want to be back with him and he said that he learned that was not the right way and he promised me that he would always talk things out when we have a problem or disagreement.

 

 

So I wrote a long list of things I wanted in order for us to be together again. Most of it had to do with RESPECT, BETTER COMMUNICATION and putting me first. He told me he'd treat me like a "princess." Although he was telling me all these things, the only way id know if he had changed was to give him a chance to show me by his actions. I know i was taking a big chance by dating him again but I knew if I didn't give him a chance, i'd always wonder what IF I had just taken the chance. I knew what i was getting myself into and I was prepared for the worst. I mean I already knew that I've been through the worst and if he does mess things up, I know that I can be alone and independent since I was doing that while we were broken up.

 

 

Well, my bf and I have been back together now for 8 months now! And although no one believed he would change (neither did I).. I must say he really is a different man. I mean he still has the personality that i always loved, but the way he handles things are so much different. He puts me first, he never ignores me and when we have a problem, we always talk about it with each other and find a way to solve it rather than him just shutting me down. He treats me with respect, he always does little things to show me that he loves me and appreciates me. He make sures to tell me if he's going somewhere like with his friends so I know ahead of time. Everything I thought wasn't possible.. became true. I never saw this side of him and really didn't think he could change. But he really proved to me that he has grown up. We communicate so much better now and he is a lot more understanding. I've never been happier! I always pictured him to be the man i wanted to marry.. and although we went through tough times, I think we both needed that to see that we are really meant to be together.

 

 

Anyways, just wanted to share that with you all. Sorry this post was so long but if you are going through a horrible breakup and want to be back with your ex, there is hope. I think everything happens for a reason and if my ex hadnt gone through that, he still would of been the same jerk he was in our old relationship. I'm not saying that NC will always bring your ex back.. cause there is no gaurantee.. but it does help you HEAL and find yourself again. And a lot of times, if you and your ex are meant to be.. they will realize what they lost and miss you even more when they see you are moving on with your life. But you have to really move on.. NO CALLS, NO TXT, take down all the pictures, go out with your friends, go dancing!, get a makeover.. do whatever that will make you feel good! I hope my story gives you some hope that anything is possible!

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Thank you!! Yes, I agree. I mean me and my bf have our whole life ahead of us to be together. We're still young.. im 23 and he's 26 so I think we both needed that break to find ourselves again and grow up. I feel like im also a different person and I learned a lot during that time apart. I was always so needy and dependent on him before, but now I feel like I can do things on my own and I don't need him or a man to make me happy.

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Awww I'm so happy for you! I hope you and your boyfriend make things work this time!

 

Sometimes, you have to live life completely apart from each other to really see if this the life you want without your ex... and if your ex doesn't like his/her new life, they know where to reach you.

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This is a really nice story to read. My ex dumped me about 24 days ago and I've been on NC for 22 days. I've done all that, I have deleted his number, blocked him from IM and facebook and hidden all his stuff at the back of my wardrobe. I've started working out more, lost weight, am getting my hair cut soon and I've been going out as often as I can. Over this weekend though I took a few steps back and really started to miss him. I'm going to be honest I DO want him back because there were no real issues in our relationship but he just fell out of love with me and gave me some vague excuses. Readin g your post is so inspirational. I'm only 18 and we went out for four months but he was the first guy I have ever loved so I don't know anything else. I think NC is the best thing and it gives the dumpee their dignity back.

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congratulations Yes no contact DOES work...sometimes it brings you back together by allowing the other person to realize what they have lost and sometimes it works by allowing the person who has been left to completely heal...Either way it does work...The key is you cannot contact the person AT ALL..

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Its really refreshing when you come accross a story like that. Really gives the rest of us a lot of hope. I hope you and your boyfriend get along really well now and don't let any issue get big enough to threaten your relationship.

Enjoy your new found love and keep wishing for the rest of us on this forum.

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Thank you so much for posting this! I can't wait for the day I can post a thread like this too! Good luck!

 

There in lies your problem....you cant wait for it. You have to put it behind you because it may never happen. Take this time to fix yourself for what ever your next relationship may be, and if it does happen you will be in a better place. Or you may meet someone else who makes you hope it never happens.

 

Stop waiting.

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Wow great job on doing the NC for 22 days! I know how hard it can be.. trust me. Everytime my friends would tell me not to call my ex, I would call him! I was the worst at doing NC until I found out he had another gf. Keep doing what you're doing.. do whatever to get your mind off. It's natural for you to miss him and get sad. It's ok!! Be sad.. cry all you want.. it will help you get everything out. If you bottle it up then you'll just end up exploding one day. I cried DAY and NIGHT for 1 month straight. Then I started doing things to make myself feel better. I mean I would cry every now and then but not nearly as much as the first month. You will get through this no matter what There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Its really refreshing when you come accross a story like that. Really gives the rest of us a lot of hope. I hope you and your boyfriend get along really well now and don't let any issue get big enough to threaten your relationship.

Enjoy your new found love and keep wishing for the rest of us on this forum.

 

Thank you Moonbug! You know although things have been 100% times better than our previous relationship.. I will admit that we still had some issues that I had a hard time dealing with. I thought I would be over the whole fact that he went out with another girl.. but I guess not because I would get really emotional over it and bring up the past all the time. But he was there for me and he understood that I have trust issues with him. I am still working on forgetting about the past and moving forward but my bf and I are doing better than ever. I can't believe we can actually communicate with one another about our problems.. cause the old him would just break up with me or ignore me for days! Anyways, I wish for all you to find happiness & love

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Yes AmandaB, the hardest part is moving on. A part of me did not want to move on.. I just wanted to wait and wait and wait for him to come back. But what good does that do you! I thought I was moving on, but in reality.. a part of me was still holding on.. waiting for that call from him. I'd check his myspace constantly to see what he was doing. Then I realized that I wasnt moving on at all. The e-book I read said, how can someone come back if you don't let them go. I knew I had to really take this break up as it is over for good. And actually knowing that he had another gf.. I really believed that this was the end and him and I would never be together. It hurt to face reality but I had to sooner or later. The first few months were the hardest times of my life.. but looking back on it.. I am proud that I was able to get through it and come out strong. Breakups.. especially with the one you love.. are one of the most painfullest things to go through. It felt like a death to me actually. I couldn't bare the pain. But after a few months, I saw the light again and realized there is no point in sulking and being depressed every day. Only you can make yourself happy.

 

 

Anyways, I'm glad my story was inspiring to you all. There are so many people on this forum that have got me through all the tough times during my break-up.. I honestly would of been lost without you guys. Just wanted to thank you all again for helping me out! When I look back on my life, I sometimes cant believe how things have turned out. I honestly never thought that he would ever beg me back and even if he did, I didn't think he could change because people don't just change like that. But I know how hard he tries to make me happy and how he puts that extra effort to not go back to his old ways. If I ever catch him doing something I dont like, I make sure to tell him and he knows right away to stop what he is doing. This has been a hard journey for me, but in the end, everything worked out.

 

Those who are going through a rough break-up right now.. it may feel like the end of the world, but something good will come out of this. Everything happens for a reason! And follow NC!!!!!!!! If you feel like calling your ex.. just remind yourself that you will have to start at square 1 of NC and that is not a good feeling! Stay strong and resist the urge to contact!!! Sorry for rambling.. but i wish you all the best of luck!

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Thanks for sharing your story.....I am happy for you....sometimes we have to go through these painful times to learn, grow and change. Good luck in your future.

 

congrats to u....i wish everyone's story could end the way yours did....good luck!!

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caz,

 

NC is not a way to get someone to miss you, it is a way to allow yourself to heal..by staying in contact with someone you are in love with, you are keeping yourself tied to this individual, making it impossible for you to move forward in your own life..

 

Yes, often times a side effect of the NC is the person DOES realize that they miss you and return... If the relationship was based on love, caring, honesty and mutual respect people can and do work through the problems that initially caused the breakup, but you should go NC for yourself not to get him back..

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