ScorpiGal83 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 My ex and I broke up at the end of March. I was the dumpee although we basically agreed it was time to end things. I was quite sad about it, but I implemented strict NC almost immediately, including blocking him on Facebook, blocking and deleting him from MSN and deleting his phone number from my phone. It has been NC for what, nearly 80 days now? And in that time, he only contacted me once - right after I blocked him on Facebook, to say he felt sad that I decided to hate him. I replied that I didn't hate him but that it was something I had to do. That was that. Now it is mid-June and I feel like I want to be friends with him again, and I want to start by adding him on Facebook. My question is, do you guys think this is a good idea? What are the chances of him knocking back my friend request or whatever? I do not have any intention or desire to get back together with him. Sure, sometimes I think about what we had and I feel wistful, but more for the relationship and the experiences rather than for him. He has remained exactly the same, someone I find a tad too unambitious for me and complacent and whatnot. I wouldn't want to be with him. I don't find him sexually attractive anymore. But I wonder if getting back in touch with him will stir any feelings up. Anyone gone through this before who can tell me about it? I want to be his friend because he is generally a really nice guy and we share a lot of mutual friends, too. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I don't understand this wanting to be friends with an ex to be honest. I've never wanted to remain friends nor had any desire to be friends with any of mine, nope, not even the nice ones. Not unless I was hoping to get them back anyway, which is usually the motive for wanting to be friends/remain friends with the ex. When my feelings for them have gone, I've had no desire to keep them around anymore..... I've moved on. I do have an ex from nearly 2 years back on FaceBook, but he is there just as another statistic on my friends. We share mutual friends and I chat to them, but not him. I only added him out of courtesy. You don't need to keep your ex in life, because of mutual friends - those friends would still be there, even if the ex wasn't a friend. Are you considering your exes feelings before you go back waltzing into his life? Guy may not be over you, may still have feelings, may think you are returning looking to reconcile.....and it can give people 'false hope', when an ex returns. End of the day, it's only been 3 months since you guys split, not 3 years....still very early days IMO and Yes, old feelings may resurface, either on your part, or worse, on his. So I'd leave it a while, perhaps another few months. Link to comment
Bad Wolf Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 If he's not over you then contacting him is a BAD idea... You're just gonna hurt him all over again. If he is over you then go for it but make sure you know first... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Some of you guys are so cold and unfeeling. If you want to be friends with your ex, go for it. I'm sure he'd appreciate it, esp since you have had some time to get over each other. Link to comment
ScorpiGal83 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 first of all, why would he not be over me when HE's the one who dumped me?? Second, how will i know if he's over me or not, if I haven't had any contact with him at all? I mean sure, I ask my friends about him from time to time. I don't have any motives of wanting to get back together - in fact I am feeling pretty interested in some other guys and have gone out on dates. Thing is, he was a decent person despite breaking my heart initially with the breakup, but I feel SO okay now, it's kinda weird to not be friends with him. I don't know... I've never been friends with an ex because it never ended as amicable and mutually as it did with this one.. yeah despite the fact he dumped me and it hurt, I knew deep in my heart (or rather, my mind knew) that it was for the best and that it was really over. You know how your head and your heart never can agree... I forced my heart to listen to my head instead and now I am glad I did... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Just because he's the dumper, doesnt mean he will be over you. He did try to make contact after you blocked him from FaceBook.....he was obviously hurt by your actions. The reasons why he hasnt contacted you anymore, is likely because he is respecting your wishes for NC....he may very well still be carrying hurt/feelings and likely won't understand your going back, when you wanted no contact. Because that is something that would confuse the hell out of me too, if an ex said he didnt want me in his life, then he suddenly decides he wants me in it. Up to you though, your life. Link to comment
ScorpiGal83 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 i didnt say I didn't want him in my life. I just said it's something I feel I have to do. I was sick and tired of always thinking about HIM all the time in the relationship and decided to do something for ME (NC). Also, sorry to sound selfish or something, but my question wasn't really about how he would feel.. it was if there was a danger that I would start feeling stuff again. Though I don't feel it's possible right now. Anyway, thanks for the advice... Link to comment
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