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So it turns out the messages I found on his facebook were not a 'one time only thing' according to him, because today I decided to check his emails and it turns out they were talking in 2007 and 2008! Always making plans to meet up. I'm pretty sure they did at least once in all that time because otherwise she would have just stopped talking to him!

 

I have printed out the proof and I am going to confront him tonight.

 

We have a house together and are engaged. He cheated on me in '06 when I was in France and i thought it was only a once off thing because i was overseas. It turns out he was very likely cheating on me while we were living together in '07 and '08!!

 

I guess I'm just writing this to see what people's reactions are. I know he is just going to try lying to me again tonight, because he's lied in the past about all of this.

 

I dont want to stay in the same house as him but apparently i might have to as we co-own it and i dont want any lawyer saying i abandoned the premises.

 

Wow. Of course, I am going to break it off. I just don't know what this means for me and my future. I'm turning 24 in a few months so I'm still young and I can 'afford' to start over. But how on earth am I ever going to trust anyone else again?

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You poor thing, I'm sorry. But I'm so happy for you that you found this out before the wedding and that you are so very young with your whole life ahead of you.

 

I know what it feels like to think that you will never trust a soul again but I assure you that when the right man comes along he will prove to you that he is worthy of your trust and you will trust again. It will take time but not a lifetime.

 

Get some legal advice ASAP about the property situation.

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I wish I could understand these cheaters but I don't! Your story is only reflecting on mine...I am also engaged and found out he had been cheating for 10 months. What you said only showed me they probably never change do they? He keeps asking for another chance now, and my heart is saying yes to him but it shouldn't...It's very good that you are determined to get out of it before it's too late!

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I am so sorry this is happening, but it is a very good thing you aren't married yet. It is very similar to what I went through a few years ago. I think cheaters (male cheaters anyway) look at the engagement ring as a form of "owning" you. Its a control thing. They figure you won't cheat on them if you are wearing that ring. At least that's what I went through. Jerks!!!

 

I think you are very smart to have the evidence! Don't let him weasle his way out by telling you some stupid, lame story (and I am sure he will come up with a doozie!). Stick to your guns, stay strong and forge ahead. Get angry!!!! Stay angry until it is over. Keep reminding yourself that this was supposed to be the guy that loved you and asked you to be with him for the rest of your life...if he truly wanted that, he would be faithful and loving.

 

The man has a character flaw and it is NOT your fault. You did NOTHING to deserve the humiliation of his acts. You deserve better and yes, there are MUCH better men out there just waiting for a chance to be with you.

 

Take care and God Bless.

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I did a bit more digging around and it turns out that 2 days after I left for France he signed onto adultfriendfinder. 2 days after I left! He obviously had PLANS to cheat on me even before I left! What does this tell you about him?

 

He claims he has changed since then and after sleeping with a few women he sees it is not worth it and is now committed to me 100%. I'm sure they all feed us the same sob stories!

 

I'm very upset right now and god it's going to be a hard rest of the year.

 

One of the girls he was with has written to me and was singing his praises and they did nothing untoward and only had 'coffee' when he told me earlier that she gave him a blowjob. I dont know why she is sticking up for him, she is telling me that he is a special person and he's lucky to have me and she wishes us all the best and that all this happened 3 years ago and people change in that time.

 

I'd like to believe her but I just can't. He doesnt know yet that I know about the adultfriendfinder thing. All this time, in the 2.5 years since I've found out he cheated the first time, he's claimed it was an 'accident' that 'just happened' and it was a mistake, when in fact he was actively searching for women on the internet the moment I was out of the picture!

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My dear...you KNOW the truth, stop trying to sugar-coat it. He is poison and you are falling for his lines. Stop yourself from doing that again. Get out now. Find happiness elsewhere, because it is surely not to be found with him. Ask yourself this question first..."Will I ever be able to trust him again, 100%?" I am sure you will find that the answer is a loud and resounding "NO". Go with that. Find someone who will treat you with respect and honesty. No lies, no head games, no deceit. You deserve nothing less...keep reminding yourself of this. Cheaters are control freaks...it's what they do best. Don't let him control you any longer. Break away now. You can and WILL be happier. Trust me...I truly speak from experience, as many, many people on this thread do.

 

When all elase fails, listen to your gut. It will not steer you wrong.

 

I apologize for sounding harsh...I don't mean it that way. People just shouldn't treat others with such disrespect and dishonor. It's just not right. Cheating is such a selfish act. Selfish and controlling.

 

All the best to you. God Bless.

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If you don't leave him, you'll regret it. He will stomp on your heart repeatedly as long as you allow him to. He doesn't respect you and now that he's seen that you'll put up with his cheating, he's not going to stop. So he doesn't.

 

If you leave him, you'll be sad for a while. You might even regret your decision a couple times. But you WILL heal, and be happier, and then you will so grateful you made the decision to leave.

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