Porn, my body, my boyfriend, etc.

[waveseer]

It's okay to be who you are, even if that means you find something unacceptable in your partner. Time will tell if it's something you can live with or not.

[Capricorn3]

I think you are 100% correct when you say your insecurity will eventually push him away.

 

Onewithbooks summed it up perfectly in her post above when she said:

"you have a man who loves you. Who grabs you when you are in your underwear and kisses you because he is turned on by you.

 

No matter what at the end of the night, your man is not going home with the strippers, he is going home with you.

 

He thinks you are hot. Other men think you are hot. He gets jealous because he doesnt like the idea of other men looking at you in skimpy clothes because he wants you. So if he is wanting that, obviously you are not failing at attracting the attentions of other men. Besides, why would you want that when you have such a man at home who loves you and is attracted to you -just the way you are?"

 

Read that several times a day. Print it and stick it on your mirror to remind you what you've got. Either that, or lose him eventually. Your choice.

 

(onewithbooks: I sent a rep your way, lol).

[leda]

Sorry, but I don't even think talking to him is going to clear anything up. You need to leave him ASAP and work on loving yourself, independent of the standards advertising sets for us. Ignore the lie that is "perfection" and realize that you are uniquely beautiful and that if your boyfriend can't see that, say that, and has a definition of what "perfect" is, he's not the romantic you deserve.

 

You are only 20 years old. You are too young to let yourself stay with someone who doesn't cherish and adore you. I'm serious. I know it sounds hard, but you will be more self-respecting and have such an easier time of this bull * * * * later if you just leave him and enjoy your youth alone or with someone who appreciates you. Dating gets worse the older you get so learn about what you want now.

 

I don't know where you found that quote, but it's obviously just an opinion (and who's to say it wasn't written by an insecure woman?) Don't take opinion for gospel and try to recognize that men are simple creatures. It doesn't matter what someone's face or body looks like, they LIKE TO WATCH PEOPLE * * * * . They are animals. We are all animals.

 

Join the movement of idealists who understand that beauty is a gray area (not black and white) and that the women you see in magazines (and even the trashy ones you see in porn) are NOT the end-all-be-all definition of beauty.

 

"Beauty must be defined as what we are or else the concept itself is our enemy."

 

Know it, love it, love yourself, and find a boyfriend who does.

[furious]

Guys who are more into porn than their SO have serious problems and need a reality check.

 

I don't look at porn very often and I'd never do it if I had an SO right now. 1) I'd feel more satisfied by the real thing and 2) I would not want to make them uncomfortable in thinking I liked porn more than them.

[hexaemeron]

Hmm.. okay. I don't like what I'm seeing here from a lot of you. The ladies (and a few guys) are getting all sistah-friend here saying that he's a monster because... he told her the truth? He loves her, he shows it, he loves to touch her and make love to her and he was honest with her.

 

I'll get the guillotine myself!

 

As for the OP, I empathize with how you're feeling, but honestly, this isn't his problem. It's yours.

 

You're the one fixating on what you're not. You're the one pushing your bf away because... he doesn't see you for what you're...not?

 

He sees you for what you are and loves you for it, and you're pushing him away because of it. You feel you can't compete, but the truth is... you don't have to compete.

 

And, believe me when I tell you, you're not competing with those porn girls. You're competing with your image of self you feel you'll never, ever achieve.

 

If you want to make changes in your life to be more fit and healthy, do so. Do it for yourself and feel how amazing it is. But do it for yourself. Not him.

 

Also, stop punishing him and you because of your self-image issues. You'll just run him off and make yourself even more miserable.

[Ugly Star]

Thank you hexaemeron, I know I have HUGE body issues that I need to deal with on my own. I need to work on that to become a better person. I guess I could work out, but it wouldn't change a lot, since I'm quite slim, not toned, but slim. My biggest hang up are my breasts. Which are small. I'm nowhere near the 34DD cupped glory of porn stars.

 

It just hurts when you're not your partner's ideal. It's just that. Since he's been watching porn since he was a boy, of course that "shaped" what he considers is the ideal woman. His ideal is busty and thin. I'm somewhat thin, but if I were thinner, I'd probably lose my already small breasts. Biology sucks, but well, we lose breast fat when we lose weight. It's a sad fact of life. That's why I don't want to lose more weight, or I'll end up flat.

 

I'm his ideal mentally, emotionally, etc. Yes, the things that matter. And I'm grateful for that. But every woman wants to feel like a beauty queen, too. Hey, we're wired to! Sadly, if he fantasizes about women who don't look like me, then it will affect my self esteem in one way or another. Many times I've heard of women who have the ideal hourglass body, yet their partners prefer women like Kate Moss. And it affects their self esteem too.

 

Maybe if he watched porn with women who looked more like me, I'd feel ok with it. But sadly, that's not his preferred body type, and what's worse, I've never seen a porn star sporting my body type.

[krazy kerry]

Yes, i agree, women in these movies are of a certain body type and its impossible to match up to that considering all their flaws are also hidden by camera angles, make up and lighting! We know its not real but does it help? No! Men are brought up being told that these women are the ideal as well as women so society is completely crazy! What sticks the knife in more is that if any man makes a comment about them, about how he'd like to get with her! WHY would he want to put his privates in someone so (my words) dirty and disgusting? I dont get it! Couldnt be good for his self esteem to just be another * * * * !