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sometimes a little breakdown can feel good?!


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i dunno if others have experienced this...but i consider it a bit of an emotional

milestone for myself.

 

i've been mulling around the idea of writing down the things that greatly

affected my last relationship. i know i've done a lot of work to get to the bottom of these things...and deal with them more appropriately and effectively than i've done in the past.

 

anyway, there are some very specific things that i've been looking into. last night i started getting it down. there were several times where i just completely broke down. it was really a strange feeling though...it wasn't what i'd call ''painful''. i know there's this belief that crying is all about relieving pressure. if you don't cry...the pressure just continues to build.

initially (during and shortly after the breakup), that's the only sensation i experienced when i cried. just a release of pressure. the pain was still very much there. this is relatively new ground for me. i've been one of those

alpha-male-no-crying types for longer than i care to remember. i guess what i'm saying is that last night...there was no real pain....or perhaps it was just

a different kind of pain. a healed pain? i feel somewhat liberated this morning. it quite literally feels like some part of me that's been kept

in a state of unease has been set free. does that sound ridiculous?

 

i'm content to just be done with it. i'm not sure analyzing the feeling will serve any purpose. it feels like progress...real progress. personally, it's been difficult at times to measure any progress on the healing front. i think sometimes you really need something a little more drastic to remind you that you really ARE healing. i mean, my moods have changed greatly.

my energy is returning gradually. in general, i feel better everyday...but it's such a gradual progression that sometimes it can be difficult to recognize when you've achieved something more permanent...sustainable.

 

i'm not sure i'd consider this ''moving on'' as it seems to be considered. i've moved on with me...which is what moving on REALLY means to me. but i haven't moved her out of the realm of possibilities...haven't moved on FROM her. that might not make much sense to some of you. i spent six years of my life with this girl...and if somewhere down the road there is a relationship to salvage...if we've both moved on with ourselves...done some serious figuring...at this point i'm pretty sure i'd go along with it. i know this is just the first step of that journey.

 

thanks for reading.

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Yes, there are several types of breakdowns I generally have (not very often though):

 

1. The most rare heartbreak kind where I don't function at all. This one just plain sucks, but it does motivate me to change drastically.

 

2. The momentary "what am I doing" or "what have I done" kind that I just have to breathe through and it will resolve or at least settle a little on it's own.

 

3. The once in a while "but in spite of everything I miss him" kind that doesn't even really hurt any more during which crying seems to help (except when I tell myself that I've already cried for him enough and I should really stop it for good).

 

4. The not too often anymore feeling of loss for someone I truly care about in this world. It brings tears to my eyes to even type this. Crying about it helps me go on in the moment, but it's never actually resolved and I accept that it may never be. I am grateful that it happens less and less, but I suspect it will never actually stop.

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wave...have you ever experienced a situation where there really wasn't an

emotional connection to another person? for me...it felt like raw emotion.

there were no thought associations. i think that's why it felt so good.

it was a release of energy. it came...and it went. i know an initial thought of the person prompted the emotion...but that thought was gone almost before i thought it. i'd almost consider it more of a physical experience...as opposed to emotional.

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wave...have you ever experienced a situation where there really wasn't an

emotional connection to another person? for me...it felt like raw emotion.

there were no thought associations. i think that's why it felt so good.

it was a release of energy. it came...and it went. i know an initial thought of the person prompted the emotion...but that thought was gone almost before i thought it. i'd almost consider it more of a physical experience...as opposed to emotional.

 

I've done that when there simply was too much emotion in my life to process or manage anymore. I just release into a flood of tears which sometimes can go on for a good 30-60 minutes with no real understanding of exactly why I'm crying, just that I have to. I call it a "dambreak"

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i think crying is a reaction to an emotional event, even if there was no particular thought that caused the crying event.

 

Whether it feels good or not, it is a release of emotional pressure and pressure relief will feel good. I don't think it takes away the hurt or pain, but like sweating on a hot day, it's our body's way of trying to re-balance.

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What To Do About Break Up Guilt
What To Do About Break Up Guilt

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