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Long time no hear


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My fiance is on his Stag weekend (4 days in total).

 

I'm not hearing from him for 12hrs at a time.

 

Is this ok???

 

Before he left he said that he would miss me - I knew this wouldn't be the case and told him that he wouldn't because he would be with 8 of his friends, having a whale of a time. His minimal contact suggests I was right.

 

I know they are getting very, very drunk every night.

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Because I know he is a total party animal and that he has been looking forward to this for a few months.

 

I only went out for one evening with the girls 2 months ago.

 

I was just being realistic when i said that to him, because I know what he is like.

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On the whole yes, but there are times when he witters on about past sexual conquests which sends me into orbit.

 

He is very focused on his past it seems - what he has done, his past gfs/lovers/conquests.

 

I had to remind him that we are in the present and that we have a future together. I wonder which state he prefers to be in.

 

Its confusing to me. I have also seen a lot of his photos from the past (we share a computer at home), and there are loads of him draped over women.

 

Our sex life worries me to - I mostly initiate sex, and when he "makes love", its like being the other half of a one night stand. A while back he said he wasn't he one night stand type. He then admitted he only had them when he wasn't in a relationship. He has an eye for the ladies which you can't miss. He is very transparent in that way.

I have organised 90% of the wedding and our honeymoon. Also made most of the things for the table. I work extremely hard and he complains that he has to work hard. Everything gets left to the last minute for me to pick up the pieces. And now 2 weeks before the wedding he has swanned off with his mates and not even asked how things are over here.

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Even though he says "I love you" a lot, I wonder if he truly means it or whether he just says it.

 

He told me that he talks about his past as a way of filling gaps in conversation. I told him that I am happy to have gaps in conversation. He can talk so much crap and is completely unaware that he is doing it. I know too much about his sexual past as it is.

 

I know that no one is perfect ..... I guess thats why I am trying to accept these flaws in his character.

 

I have also noticed that whenever I bring an issue up for discussion that has upset me (such as the examples previously given), he starts to cry. Is this emotional blackmail? It seems to be his way of getting me to give in to him. Every time he crys.

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I know that no one is perfect ..... I guess thats why I am trying to accept these flaws in his character.

 

I've read a lot of your threads and I have to ask.. his flaws seem to stand out more than the good characteristics. I guess you have to ask yourself, do the flaws outweigh the good?

 

I don't know, from what you write, you don't seem overly optimistic about this marriage working. Like hers said, a marriage is more than just a wedding. It's about two people coming together to start making a life together. You shouldn't have to be constantly worrying, constantly hearing about all of his past sexual endeavors (ick.. i would freak out).

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I guess thats why I am trying to accept these flaws in his character.

You'll never be able to, no matter how much you want to. You can only fool yourself for so long until the truth breaks through, then you'll leave him.

I have also noticed that whenever I bring an issue up for discussion that has upset me (such as the examples previously given), he starts to cry. Is this emotional blackmail? It seems to be his way of getting me to give in to him. Every time he crys.

Very probable. Whatever his motive is, it all amounts to psychological game playing, none of which is good. I know that you want this marriage very much, all women want that kind of security deep down. But the harsh truth of the matter is that all signs point towards it being short lived.

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Yes and I have freaked out hearing about them, and yet he has no recollection about telling me about them.

 

He has effectively been giving me the message that he regrets past relationships that haven't worked out in the way that he phrases his anecdotes.

 

He even admitted to being a bit of a stud in his past and is proud of it.

 

What about his crying though and lack of contact on his stag weekend???

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I don't know... I personally couldn't be with someone like that. He sounds so narcissistic in the way he acts/talks. Admitting to be a stud in the past? Ugh. And the crying thing sounds like crocodile tears. He's just trying to make YOU look like the bad one.

 

I couldn't handle it if, in your position, my fiance went for a stag weekend and I didn't hear from him for large blocks of time.

Do you trust him?

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From what he has told me about his past, and the way he behaved on our first holiday, it is very difficult for me to trust him again.

 

Any woman that gives him the come on, he goes for it. He loves female attention, and returns it in equal measures. He doesn't seem to know where the draw the line in respect to how he behaves around other women when I am there (so I question when I am not around what goes on), this applies to alcohol consumption aswell.

 

I definitely agree with the crocodile tears.

 

The large chunks of time where I don't hear from him - out of sight, out of mind I think. He is quite narcissistic. Only child syndrome perhaps.

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After researching your previous threads, this relationship is over and you are just getting married to get divorced. But this isn't new advice for you, and it's obvious (through no fault of your own) that you are unable to take it.

 

Emotions are a crazy thing, they make you abandon all sense of logic and what's right for you. And for most people, this is the case. Life is short though, and none of us have the time to waste on people who aren't meant for us. So your situation will run its natural course, it's sad to see that it's all for nothing.

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After researching your previous threads, this relationship is over and you are just getting married to get divorced. But this isn't new advice for you, and it's obvious (through no fault of your own) that you are unable to take it.

 

Emotions are a crazy thing, they make you abandon all sense of logic and what's right for you. And for most people, this is the case. Life is short though, and none of us have the time to waste on people who aren't meant for us. So your situation will run its natural course, it's sad to see that it's all for nothing.

 

Agree 100 %.

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From what he has told me about his past, and the way he behaved on our first holiday, it is very difficult for me to trust him again.

 

Any woman that gives him the come on, he goes for it. He loves female attention, and returns it in equal measures. He doesn't seem to know where the draw the line in respect to how he behaves around other women when I am there (so I question when I am not around what goes on), this applies to alcohol consumption aswell.

 

I definitely agree with the crocodile tears.

 

The large chunks of time where I don't hear from him - out of sight, out of mind I think. He is quite narcissistic. Only child syndrome perhaps.

 

i would NEVER be marrying someone that i didn't trust 100%. you simply cannot have a good healthy relationship if there is no trust. you NEED trust or else the relationship will have NO CHANCE of succeeding.

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After researching your previous threads, this relationship is over and you are just getting married to get divorced. But this isn't new advice for you, and it's obvious (through no fault of your own) that you are unable to take it.

 

Emotions are a crazy thing, they make you abandon all sense of logic and what's right for you. And for most people, this is the case. Life is short though, and none of us have the time to waste on people who aren't meant for us. So your situation will run its natural course, it's sad to see that it's all for nothing.

 

yes, i agree. i don't know how long this marriage will really last.

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Honestly I wouldn't expect him to check in twice a day when he's on his stag weekend. My hubs went to Vegas for 4 days with 8 friends also and I think I talked to him once the entire time.

 

The difference here is this really doesn't have anything to do with him checking in with you, it has to do with you not trusting him and him not respecting you and you've known about this right along. In fact, you got some great advice on your other threads about this relationship but chose not to heed it and to go ahead and marry him anyway.... and now for some reason you expect things to change and improve when honestly I'm just waiting for you to finally realize that this isn't a healthy, loving trusting relationship and it isn't someone you should be marrying.

 

But whether or not you realize this before you marry him or after and end up divorced later remains to be seen.

 

I feel sorry for you but honestly you have all the information you need and choose to ignore it.

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If you were uncomfortable with him going away for four days, you should have talked to him about a compromise instead of sitting there pouting and feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, you may have gone about your bachelorette party in a different manner, but only because YOU chose to do so. Your husband-to-be wanted this get together with his pals which you clearly have not accepted from the get-go. Although, a compromise on the length and scale of the bachelor party is probably the least of your problems right now. It sounds as if there is a lack of communication, trust and respect in your relationship, and all of those three things are key to laying a healthy foundation for your marriage. I think most on this forum, along with myself, would urge you to reconsider your marriage. If these issues are prevalent now, they will only become more of a problem with time. It seems that you are already harboring resentment...that will only grow stronger until you truly grow to loathe him, and your relationship, or worse, marriage fails. I know this sounds harsh, but I think even you know that it's reality. I too have read your other threads. I think you should at the very least lengthen your engagement.

 

Good luck.

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Um.. Like Cairo, I'm wondering why you are with this man? You post about him all the time and honestly you seem very unhappy. He seems immature and if he isn't as committed to the relationship as you. I feel as if your constantly having to validate this relationship and that at this point you've gotten so use to him messing up that you LOOK for him to.

I know this is not the question, but please do yourself and him a favor and move on... I',m not trying to mean, but every thread you've posted about him has centered around how "bad" he is for you. Most people have told you to leave him alone, but you continue to be with him.

At this point his actions really can't be justified as anything but him not being the right one for you.

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link removed

 

Check the forum on this site out, OP. It's for women who have called off (or had their wedding called off) shortly before the wedding date. I know you probably feel like there is no way you could call it off this late in the game but plenty of women before you have done just that and many of them have gone on to meet new men who make them very happy.

 

This guy sounds like he'll just continue to make you unhappy. Everyone has flaws yes but at the very least he should be considerate of your basic emotional needs and loyal to you. This guy doesnt sound like he is.

 

Good luck..

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For a long time meaning | for a lon...
For a long time meaning | for a long time sentences | Common English Idioms #shorts

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