My husband's best friend passed away. How can I help him?

[MandiHammond]

My husband grew up with his best friend for 17+ years. They were like brothers.

 

I was startled this morning by the news that his best friend passed away yesterday. I knew before him and didn't have the strength to tell him, so I let my mother in law tell him because she loved my husband's best friend as a son.

 

My husband has cried plenty since he found out. Some moments, he seems numb and quiet. Other moments, he seems like it hasn't really hit him yet. He keeps pacing around and he doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't stay focused on anything and it's impossible to keep him occupied.

 

I want to be a supporting wife and help him as much as I can without prying. I've tried hard not to cry, but I can't help it. Seeing my husband in despair is killing me and I wish I could just snap and make everything better, but I can't.

 

How can I help him? I try to talk to him, I try to let him know that I love him and that I'll talk to him whenever he wants. I'm giving him my full attention and I've avoided asking 'Are you okay?' and 'How are you feeling?'.

 

Is there anything more I can do for my husband?

[Seymore]

I'm not married, so this may not be of much help, but when one of my best friends passed away, my girlfriend at the time told me "Don't think about it, it's too painful".

 

That was the WORST response I had heard. I wanted someone to be there for me, to ask me to tell stories about my friend, to just HUG me. My gf at the time wouldn't even do that.

 

You KNOW how he's feeling, so you're right in not asking that. But if you're there for him, there to listen, that's pretty much all you CAN do.

[becca0194]

It is ok for you to cry and grieve right along with your husband. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you love him and you are there for him.

[KG]

It is ok for you to cry and grieve right along with your husband. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you love him and you are there for him.

 

Exactly. His mind is a million miles away right now, so just be there for him. Remind him how you love him, but don't smother him.