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Is this a weird thing for a bf to say?


nikkki
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last night when i was with my boyfriend, it was after sex, we were laying there, and for some reason he asked me when i lost my virignity (i was older than most people), and then he said 'dont u wish u lost it to me'

 

its been 2 months. no i love us or anything like that....

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I wouldn't call it weird... I would call it annoying. Very annoying.

 

I would reconsider if I wanted to be with someone who said something so dumb.

 

however, i hope that you are much younger than me... i couldn't imagine a guy my age saying that.

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omg really?

 

why would you consider it dumb?

 

He also said something weird to me awhile ago now. He said the closer i am to virginity the happier he is... that caught me by surprise.

 

oh im 23. the guy is 27.

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omg really?

 

why would you consider it dumb?

 

He also said something weird to me awhile ago now. He said the closer i am to virginity the happier he is... that caught me by surprise.

 

oh im 23. the guy is 27.

 

Well I'm surprised he is 27. That to me sounds like something a 17 year old would say.

 

I would just find it ridiculous that a guy would care about something like that... and I would find it demeaning that a guy woudl want me to be a virgin for him...ugh!

 

to me it would just seem controlling and insecure on his part (like he can't stand the thought of me ever having been with someone else)

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That would have to be your read on the guy's intent. Feeble though it may have seemed, there's a possibility the guy was trying to connect/be sweet (?)

 

Yes, I agree. I think it is really tough to know what his real motive behind those comments are without knowing how the rest of your relationship is. Is he generally sweet and considerate or his he on the controlling side. Not much information here to really know the intent behind those comments.

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Yes, I agree. I think it is really tough to know what his real motive behind those comments are without knowing how the rest of your relationship is. Is he generally sweet and considerate or his he on the controlling side. Not much information here to really know the intent behind those comments.

 

um... i do think he is insecure. i get questioned a LOT.

 

So i'd say he shows some jealousy (but covers it up with joking) and is insecure, friends say he is controlling and possesive. If i say i jsu got home from being out, i get 20 questions, and doesn't seem to believe me when i say i went with my mum or a girl friend. he assumes it a guy.... but then on the other hand he is extremely sweet..

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Well, it seems a bit odd given the rest of the info you have given. That it is only 2 months in. That he has said "the closer you are to virginity the happier he is".

 

How did you feel when he said that?

 

i was a bit suprised.

 

he has always asked me sooooooo much about other men. on and on and on, and i told him stuff, that maybe i shouldn't, but it seemed to be better off for it, that i can count the number of times ive had sex on one hand! lol not much.. and he then said that "babe that is GOOD. the closer u are to virginity the happier i am".... i didn't know what to say.

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um... i do think he is insecure. i get questioned a LOT.

 

So i'd say he shows some jealousy (but covers it up with joking) and is insecure, friends say he is controlling and possesive. If i say i jsu got home from being out, i get 20 questions, and doesn't seem to believe me when i say i went with my mum or a girl friend. he assumes it a guy.... but then on the other hand he is extremely sweet..

 

well you're the one who has to date him, but for me him being 'sweet' sometimes would not make up for the 20 questions.

 

Why would you put up with that? Why would you stay with someone who doesn't trust you and always thinks you are lying to him and out with a guy?

 

This to me is not just a red flag, but a big BLACK flag!!

 

And that then tells me a lot about his comment, "Oh-I-wish-you-were-a-virgin!"... he can't bear the fact that you might have been with some other guy.

 

This is what I would find annoying... annoying to the point i wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was so possesive... no matter how *sweet* he is.

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um... i do think he is insecure. i get questioned a LOT.

 

So i'd say he shows some jealousy (but covers it up with joking) and is insecure, friends say he is controlling and possesive. If i say i jsu got home from being out, i get 20 questions, and doesn't seem to believe me when i say i went with my mum or a girl friend. he assumes it a guy.... but then on the other hand he is extremely sweet..

 

No offense, but that tends to be the pattern.

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well I dont' want to answer on agent's behalf, but doesn't it tell you something when he asks all those questions and accuses you of lying?!

 

doesn't that tell you that he really doens't liek the thought of you with other guys?

 

and doesn't that tell you why he said what he did? That he just wants you to have been with him and only him.

 

As I said earlier, i would be insulted with a comment like that.

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Sounds like..possessive behavior to me.

Wishing you were a virgin and that you lost it to him..sounds like he wants you all to himself..which..in a normal way can be sweet...but pair that up with asking you a million question and not trusting you and accusing you of being with other guys...sounds somewhat possessive and borders on creepy for me.

 

2 months in..they'd be red flags for me.

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well I dont' want to answer on agent's behalf, but doesn't it tell you something when he asks all those questions and accuses you of lying?!

 

doesn't that tell you that he really doens't liek the thought of you with other guys?

 

and doesn't that tell you why he said what he did? That he just wants you to have been with him and only him.

 

As I said earlier, i would be insulted with a comment like that.

 

yeah, when its pointed out it does! i seem to be good at ignoring the signs.. or being blind to them coz i like him.

 

he told me once that he doens't like to think of me with my ex. that he hates it. I had people to facebook and get 'who are they, did u have a crush on them'. I added one female friend, and her name isn't clearly female, he went on and on about it being a guy.

 

He used, doens't much anymore, but any time i got a text when i was with him he'd go 'whos that, another one of ur boyfriends?".... i told him the other day after he was being insecure i think, that i dotn notice other men, which is true, and he then comes out and says 'i wont lie i notice other girls, but nothing more than a glancing perve. your my girl".... yeah idn't know what to think of that...

 

then last night, in bed, he held me constantly through out the night, i mean REALLY tight, and when he thought i was sleeping, brushing me hair out of my face and running his hand over my face gently and doing little kisses everywhere....hmm

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Sounds like..possessive behavior to me.

Wishing you were a virgin and that you lost it to him..sounds like he wants you all to himself..which..in a normal way can be sweet...but pair that up with asking you a million question and not trusting you and accusing you of being with other guys...sounds somewhat possessive and borders on creepy for me.

 

2 months in..they'd be red flags for me.

 

yeah a friend told me that too - possessive... yet, i only see him once a week!!!

 

i guess i have it in my mind to be that, he'd want to see me al the time, know where i am all the time... or is that obsessive?

 

i was in someone's car theother day and sent him a text photo and he goes 'who's car are you in?".... and nothing about the photo....

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Okay, this guy is creeping me out. Possessive, controlling, jealous..and you have only known him for 2 months. This is not a good sign. This is often how emotionally abusive people operate. In between their moments of sweetness they have this really really dark side. I would really strongly reconsider this relationship because this behaviour will get worse as time goes on.

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Okay, this guy is creeping me out. Possessive, controlling, jealous..and you have only known him for 2 months. This is not a good sign. This is often how emotionally abusive people operate. In between their moments of sweetness they have this really really dark side. I would really strongly reconsider this relationship because this behaviour will get worse as time goes on.

 

if i had a friend who was dating this, i'd see the signs for her, but for me, im TOTALLY blind to them.

 

Why? because i like him, possibily falling for him...

 

he only asks alot, he doesn't stop by, or anything.....

 

he was single for 3 years before we got together... he hadn't even kissed a chick int hat time either.... an ex gf messed him up a bit im not too sure on the details.

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one thing i do find weird is, that he has told me that it is NOT ok to flirt with other men, and not to discuss our sex life with anyone, but its okay to tell girlfriends about "how good he gives me it"... yet he can discuss me in detail to his mates.

 

And, he has a lot of female friends. 90% of friends on fb are female. yet, soon as i mention a guy, i get a bunch of questions, and the guy is a work college who is old enough to be my father!

 

he has said a chick with close male friends is suspect. and he wouldn't like it...i dont have male friends really so, i didn't really over think that

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one thing i do find weird is, that he has told me that it is NOT ok to flirt with other men, and not to discuss our sex life with anyone, but its okay to tell girlfriends about "how good he gives me it"... yet he can discuss me in detail to his mates.

 

And, he has a lot of female friends. 90% of friends on fb are female. yet, soon as i mention a guy, i get a bunch of questions, and the guy is a work college who is old enough to be my father!

 

he has said a chick with close male friends is suspect. and he wouldn't like it...i dont have male friends really so, i didn't really over think that

 

 

Him, him, him.

 

Very controlling behaviors when someone tells you what to do and what not to do.

 

Like I said, these are big red flags considering its only been 2 months!!!

 

Very creepy and disturbing in my opinion.

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I mean that people who are controlling or who possess otherwise poor qualities in regards to relationships tend to be very sweet in a way to compensate for the poor behaviour. It's a way of giving some good to keep the bad from being seen as what it is.

 

Seriously, this is 2 months old. Is he really worth it?

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The thing also, besides having to tolerate this behavior if you stay with him, is that some people experience a false sense of security when someone is this possessive and jealous. They sometimes interpret it as a loyalty of sorts, stronger feelings for you.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth. These are the same people that will screw around on you at the drop of a hat, and then turn around and tell you it is your fault they did it.

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Okay, this guy is creeping me out. Possessive, controlling, jealous..and you have only known him for 2 months. This is not a good sign. This is often how emotionally abusive people operate. In between their moments of sweetness they have this really really dark side. I would really strongly reconsider this relationship because this behaviour will get worse as time goes on.

 

I completely agree. As my H would say, this guy is a turd.

 

I think the comments about him being happier the closer you are to virginity were creepy enough as it was - and controlling too. This guy has a shallow and unrelenting imagine of what he wants in a partner in his mind and he's going to start getting angry, and make you feel like a less of a person when you invariably can't be that person he's got in his mind...because you are too busy being yourself.

 

This is not the kind of guy who will want to learn who you are and love you for all you are. Tis is a guy only interested in loving the image he has in his mind and getting you to turn into that image.

 

him =

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one thing i do find weird is, that he has told me that it is NOT ok to flirt with other men, and not to discuss our sex life with anyone, but its okay to tell girlfriends about "how good he gives me it"... yet he can discuss me in detail to his mates.

 

And, he has a lot of female friends. 90% of friends on fb are female. yet, soon as i mention a guy, i get a bunch of questions, and the guy is a work college who is old enough to be my father!

 

he has said a chick with close male friends is suspect. and he wouldn't like it...i dont have male friends really so, i didn't really over think that

 

Ahhhh, he sounds just like my ex boyfriend. Run. Run and don't look back!!!

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