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need to get this off my chest


sportsfan2007

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Ok guys Ireally tried to deal with this without having to write this but I need some outside opinions.

 

I met this lady who was 39 recently divorced and 2 boys back in february. We jsut broke up last week for I think the 3rd time. I knew what I was getting into and everyone told me to be careful but I just went with it.

 

Things were dynamite of course early on and that seemingly always are. I finally had that passion and chemistry that I was looking for all my life. This is one reason why it was so hard to let it go. She told me the 2nd date in her hottub that she was falling for me and asked me not to hurt her. Obvioulsy it was a major red flag but I ignored it.

 

We spent too much time together way too soon.I was spending almost every night at her house but we both got caught up in the intense emotions that we didnt listen to anyone. We soon began to get annoyed with eachother to the point where we had a big blowout which forced us to take a step back and not see eachother so much.

 

To her credit, it was really my fault in the beginning. I was a slob in her house to the point where she nitpicked about everything. That is one thing I will leanr from this relationship. But I did change and she saw that.

 

There was a major component of our relationship that played a huge role. Shes a recently divorced mother who had a past of one night stands right before me literally like days. It stuck in the back of my mind. I honestly had no reason not to trust her in the beginning bc we were together almost every night.

 

This woman had alot of guy friends. I came to find out she was still talking to the guy she had a one night stand with right before me while we were together but he was jsut a friend according to her. I come to find out later in the relationship that she was talking to him about our problems and he suggested another hottub night and I would never find out. She would even hide it from me and say I would never know about that nature of their conversations. That made me feel like their friendship was more important than our relationship.

 

In the beginning, her passion and emotions were intense for me. I could feel it. But I noticed she changed. She used to lvoe the little things I did for her like leave roses in her house or leave little love notes on her doors. She said she never got anything from that from her husband. But then she changed.

 

She also told me about a guy named Eric that she had a sexual fling with at golf last summer. She told me she is going golfing again this summer and he is gonna be there but I didnt need to worry bc they are just friends now. It still bothered me.

 

One day while she was golfing for the first time I actually wanted to do something nice for her. I made a sign that said I loved her and I left it on her truck. She told me she was embarrassed and not the response I was looking for. Later that night she said maybe I was too young for her and thats what you do in highschool. She said she needed space and we ended up reconciling a few days after. We both agreed to slow things down a bit and not see eacohther every day.

 

Another aspect of her was that she was really opinionated and scarcastic. She even admitted shes a very difficult woman to deal with and she gives me credit for trying. But she said alot of things that bothered me that a girlfriend shouldnt say to her bf. She called me naive and she would say she cant promise she wouldnt take advantage of that. She would sing out loud songs like "poker face" "blame it on the alcohol" "dangerous" right in front of me bc she knew it bothered me. I wasnt secure in this relationship. She said she loved me but isnt the kind of woman who knew how to show it and I just had to believe her and I couldnt so I always wanted to talk about the relationship which she hated. I know that probably got annoying but her mood changed at the drop of the dime. I didnt know what to believe.

 

As I said before... something jsut felt off between us. I wasnt totally secure in the fact knowing that she had a ton of one night stands right before me so I did check her phones when she wasnt looking. I knw thats bad but in the beginning she still had texts to these guys " why dont you cum over tonight" and "skin to skin in the best contact and my bed has been empty for awhile now"

 

A thursday back in May in when she officially started golfing. I usually text her while she is golfing and she usually texts me back. She didnt that night. She didnt get home till 1230 that night and I was flipping out. I even drove to her house to wait for her when I wasnt supposed to be there. Big mistake yes. The next morning I felt compelled to look through her phone and I saw a text that she texted that same guy she was drunk and horny. He didnt respond and she was looking for a comment from him. I also found out that she was texting these other guys that they looked sexy. But she couldnt text her boyfriend back. My heart dropped and I immaturely handled the situation. I threw out the flowers I just bought for her for our 3 month aniversary and I got in her face and I accused her of cheating and called her a * * * * . She apologized and wanted to changed because she said I changed so much to save us. We had a great night and the following morning It hit me again that I still wasnt ok with that text. She immedietly said shes done and its over.. that shes sick of trying to convince me she loves me.

 

Again I acted immaturely and I told her I wasnt leaving until we talked. She threatened to call the police so I left.

 

We were broken up for a week. My other ex and my best friend Kim called me from Cincinnati and she heard the knews and told me I should come and visit her to take my mind of things so I did. The day before I left the girl who I was dating found out I was going and she hated the fact that she was still my friend. She told me to come over that Friday night for one last finale if you know what I mean. I had really thought we bonded that night again and we could get back together. The next morning her story all changed again and she said she felt she needed to be single and have that one night stand life again and she needed that attention from random strangers. She said she has no idea how shes looking forward to oging out tonight withought having to report to a boyfriend .So I left for Ohio. They next morinng she calls me up crying saying she went out last night and all she could think about was me and shes crying thinknig she could have lost such a great guy who loved her the way I did. She said she wanted to fix things when I came back. I came back and of course things were good for about a week. But I think the damage was already done. She still couldnt trust me looking at her phones and computer so she put passwords up. And I couldnt trust her with her inconsistent feelings. She went from loving me to wanting to be single to calling me up the next day crying saying she cant live without me to being inl ove with me again to feeling distant again. We had great days followed by bad days. I couldnt believe what this woman would say bc every day she was different. She was a gemini. So I always wanted to talk about the relationship and Im sure that annoyed her but I was insecure.

 

We had unresolved issues and I wanted to talk about them to fix them but she never wanted to talk about it. She thought by ignoring them they would go away. I felt she totally changed. In the beggining she needed my love and it was apparent. But now I became this needy guy and she was independent all of a sudden. She felt she was comfortable with the relationship and didnt need me in her life as much. She said she needs a guy who will hold her when she wants to be held and back off when she doesnt want him with no explanations. But is that really a relationship?? She said she felt there were days that she missed me but there were days where she didnt see me and they were days of relief form all the wanting to talk. She said she felt too much pressure.

 

All I wanted to do was sit down and talk about the uresolved issues we promised eachother we were gonna fix when I came back. But she never gave me that opportunity. She just wanted to avoid it. She defintely changed. I didnt feel the passion form her that I once felt. It was only bedroom passion and thats not enough.

 

So we broke up again this time I think for good. Now shes going to go back to the sex buddies she had before me. That pisses me off bc it shows I meant nothing to her. One of those guys is the guy she talked to all along while we dated. I knew theres wasm ore to it than what she said. She said hes a scumbag and all about one thing. Now shes going back to him probably tonight. How convenient

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Hon, you need a virgo...I couldn't even finish this story (but, I am going back right now to finish it)...I am sorry this woman plays so many games...I am truly surprised that a woman of her age is acting like a desperate old lady...geez her actions are so needy, insecure, and pathetic...sure I would like a nice man in the future, but I am not going to sleep with the whole city to find one...she don't want a sweet bf, she wants a doormat and a puppet...don't allow this person to pull your strings...shame on her.

 

Don't you dare let her give you an STD!!!

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Holy crap that's.....quite a story lol What's your question though? I was sort of expecting something at the end looking for advice, but it's not..

 

Yea, this is truly amazing...here this woman has a sweet bf and she treats him like crap...grrrrrrrrr....games...god how I hate games. I don't know what advice he would like, but I will tell you run the h*ll away from her...geez I could have swore he mentioned she has children...grrrrrrrr

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She said she was loyal and that it was just her personality and Im not man and mature enough for her. We all need space but I couldnt give her that space without checking up on her because I couldnt trust her

 

Hon, that is a bunch of rubbish...my next bit of advice is if you have to go to the length of looking at her phone, e-mails, and the like...that relationship is not worth the misery.

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I was really good to her. I took time in the bedroom with her and she said I was the best lover she had. Who knows if that was just another lie. After all, shes probably starting her one night stands as we speak. I also did what I could do around her house. Mowed the lawn, helped her around the yard, cleaned her kitchen, ect. I also bought her a $400 emerald ring for her bday last week that I had to take back. I always recognized anniversaries with flowers too. I would sneak out of her ohuse to grab her coffee from Tim Hortons in the morning when she needed it. Then she has the nerve to say she hopes one day someone will sweep her off her feet.

 

I knoW I didnt make matters easier when I constantly wanted to discuss things and I couldnt give her space. After her text, I was kidding myself that I was secure with her. In a way Im glad shes gone. I dont have to deal with the misery anymore. But I will miss her passion. Never felt that before

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Sportsfan, this woman is a classic case of BPD.... wow. Have a read of the article below and slap yourself awake when you're done reading.

 

link removed

 

I hope it helps you to better understand your situation as well as hers.

 

So sorry you're going through so much my man, you seem like such a nice guy and all too. Stay strong, buddy.

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Sorry you have been used so badly by this thoroughly immoral woman. It's bordering on the psychopathic to use men for sex in this way and dangerous to everyone's health as well.

 

As you say, much of the 'relationship' was based on sex, and not much on trust, openness and honestly. I can promise you that it's quite possible to find all of these together and WHEN, not IF you do, this insubstantial relationship will pale into utter insignificance.....

 

I too am disturbed by the example this ex is setting to her children and indeed where were they/are they while she is out pursuing her own pleasure and thinking little about the things that really matter

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Hey,

 

I think things are always easier to see on the outside. It looks pretty clear from out here that this woman is bad news.

 

Whether or not she means to hurt you, she is selfish, and will always hurt you.

 

She clearly broke many boundaries on a regular basis. Things that you find unacceptable.

 

Run. Hide. Don't get her knocked up.

 

Sorry to hear about your pain.

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I can see if she found someone new to start dating and shes already having sex. I mean I would be a litle hurt. But cmon, dont go back to those sleezebags she had right before me. Actually those guys where the main reason I felt I couldnt fully trust her in this relationship. They happened right before me and I questioned If this woman was really ready for a commited relationship. Now shes going back down that and it makes me feel like what we had in that bedroom never existed.

 

She told me yesterday shes gonna be horny again and then it will come into play and I shuddered when I asked her who... she said shes not gonna go there. We all have needs so do I. But I repected our relationship enough to not have hookups right now

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Wow, sorry you had that experience with her. Seems like she is 39 going on 16. How old are you??

 

You need to move on because sex does not make a relationship, but you know that from your responses. Not all 39+ year olds are that immature and not all younger guys are that mature. Sounds like your heart and head were in the right place, dont let her get you down by telling you, you were juvenile in the way you showed your affections. You showed how you felt for her and she just didnt appreciate them nor was in the right frame of mind to appreciate them. She gives women a bad name and she will regret letting you go.

 

Good luck

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OMFG!!

 

After reading that article about borderline personality disorder, I almost * * * * my pants. I can relate to almost everything said:

 

""When you're involved with a borderline disordered female, you feel fantastic when things are “good” between you, and miserable when they're not. You might think of her like a drug you can’t live without, because you've felt alive and buoyant when she was attentive, available and loving, and tortured and empty when she was indifferent, detached or cruel. During frequent breakups or periods of distancing, you may have desperately longed for her return, and resorted to elaborate means to re-engage her""

 

She was always up and down with her feelings towards me. One minute she was loving towards me and the next she felt annoyed with me. It was totally bizarre. I did feel that high the article was mentioning when I felt things were bad and we talked about it and things were ok afterwords but it only lasted for a short while. Then it was back to feeling helpless again.

 

 

Every man's ego takes a jab when a woman leaves--but a Borderline leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed, castrated, unlovable, emasculated, worthless, etc. You start believing that if she returns, you'll be able to get rid of these horrible sensations, and feel okay again. Once in awhile, your rational mind recalls the torment of that affair, and you're not certain you want that part of it again--but anything must be better than what you're feeling now!

 

Deep down inside, I knew she wasnt right for me. I knew she didnt treat me well and I deserved better but I stuck with it hoping it would get better

 

 

This conflict between what you need and want, confuses and intensifies your struggle, because you're hopelessly trapped in yearning for a woman you've sensed isn't healthy for you. Your ambivalence is completely normal--but it adds to your feelings of shame about being out of control and a little 'crazy.' There's a ridiculously simple explanation for all of this; you've been trying to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional female.

 

This piece is so true. I knew she wasnt healthy for me as time went on. My ambivalence towards this woman drove me crazy. Constantly going back and forth in my mind wondering why something doesnt feel right. I always questioned her if this is what she really wanted and Im sure that makes someone annoyed but I couldnt help it.

 

Heaven knows, you're not perfect--but you've overlooked an awful lot, just to keep this woman caring enough to stick around. There have been times that taking care of her feelings and needs was a full time job--but you've gladly taken it on, and tirelessly kept trying to get a few crumbs of loving attention along the way. If you disappointed or let her down in any manner, the character assaults and twisted perceptions of you as an inconsiderate or "selfish" man, made you feel just terrible about yourself. These comments usually came on the heels of the good times, so you began to believe them, which made you try even harder to please her!

 

This was soo true. I wasnt perfect either in this relationship. I would sometimes leave a glass or two on her kitchen sink or leave something empty without throwing it out but I thought I made up for it by washing all her dishes from time to time and doing other things around her house and her yard. She always focused on the small things I did wrong. On her birthday, I had plans to make her a birthday cake and put up balloons all in her house and surprise her. I was running late and I had to use her dryer to dry my clothes and she had her own clothes in the dryer so I had to take them out. With all the craziness trying to get her cake ordered and the balloons up to surprise her I forgot to put her clothes back in the dryer. She was aggravted but I tried explaining to her I forgot bc I was running like crazy trying to give her a nice birthday. She didnt care.

 

The dangerous, diabolical hook with Borderlines, is they initially come accross as genuine, and completely without pretense, guile or disguise. This helps you drop your guard, and makes it easy to trust that their statements to you are real--and they're authentic, integrous individuals. The ease you have felt with them is so natural and wholesome, it seems you've waited for this your whole life. These early behaviors are central to their Seduction Plan; as soon as they sense that you're captivated, you're captured--and these episodes of delicious intimacy become fewer and farther between.

 

When I read this one I had goodbumps. It was very true that things were very intense and passionate right away. Thats what made me attracted to her. Our 2nd date she was telling me in her hottub that she was falling for me and please dont hurt her. I knew it wasnt genuine but I also didnt care and I did put my guard down. I was also very seduced by her in an instant... that feeling I waited for my whole entire life like the article says lol. I was hopelessly captivated by her intensity. But she did change. Those delicious episodes of intimacy were indeed fewer and fewer. All of a sudden shes extremely independent and I became needy. She was now comfortable with the relationship.

 

Having a serious adult conversation with a Borderline, is like trying to get a three year old to comprehend, and rationally respond to the issues at hand. Just when you've worked up the courage to approach a sensitive topic, she deftly diverts the dialogue by starting a fight, or accusing you of not loving her, caring about her feelings, wanting her, etc. At this point, tremendous time and energy is spent consoling/reassuring her, and reinforcing how much you really care! The inevitable upshot? Your original concern is successfully deflected, and any hope for resolution is abandoned.

 

The Borderline's duality generally exacerbates this deflection issue. She may bully you--but the very moment you fight back, she can shape-shift into her (victimized) "poor me" role, and make you out to be the monster! You will wrestle with this time and time again--because she's typically the instigator, but you can never make her see it, or own it. Change cannot occur, because a borderline disordered person doesn't experience remorse--and when there's no remorse, there can be no emotional growth or healing.

 

This was the root of our breakup in the end... We had issues that we needed to sit down and discuss. But she never could actually sit down with me and give me a sense of shes trying to make this work. She would always want to avoid talking about things and just hoped they would go away. The more she did this the more insecure I was to the point where she couldnt handle the pressure anymore. She said shes not that type of woman who can talk about things. I knew I wasnt gonna get anywhere with her

 

 

Regardless of how proficient or successful she is in her professional sphere, issues of an emotional nature make you feel like you're dealing with a little girl, who's living inside a woman's body--and this continually perplexes you! Just know that your perceptions are extremely accurate, and developmental arrest is the culprit behind this odd incongruency.

 

I find this amusing. She is actually quite successfull. She is an xray tech. She was 39 and Im 31 and Im just starting my career I just got my MBA. In the end her and her family would constantly say hes not on the same level maturity wise as she was. Its true shes more advanced in her career but I did feel I was more mature than her in other areas. She said I needed to grow up but I told her maybe shes not mature enough for me and she otld me to go * * * * myself lol

 

She did make me crazy... She did make me feel like it was all my fault. When I still wasnt ok with the drunk and horny text she sent her friend I otld her abuot it. She became furious with my and said its over and I destroyed us. She told me to leave and I wouldnt. Thats the only mistake I wish I didnt do. She felt threatened in her own home

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Kahdeksan,

 

My story does sound alot like the article you gave me but does that truly mean she has BPD?? I know alot of relationships can end like that but I did really feel suckered and captivated in with her initial intensity and as the relationship went on I felt her passion was fading besides the bedroom. All of a sudden I was getting yelled at for every little thing and she felt I was her 3rd child.

 

Then she passion she once gave me was gone and all of a sudden she became independent and I became needy when I dont think I changed.

 

She said she cares about me still and would like to be friends but I dont feel that way. I feel Im only here for if she ever needs me. She obviously doesnt care much about me if she could tell me right now shes not horny but when she doesnt get horny its gonna come into play and shes got her list of men who she had right before our relationship.

 

It just really pisses me off. This guy Kyle who she screwed right before me she was talking to him all the while we were still together. She said they were just friends but I should have known better. She said hes just a scumbag who only wants one thing. But now we are broken up, look wheres shes going again?

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In that article I saw that there was a male version of Borderline too. Maybe I have it and thats why our relationship ended. I'm not really sure what to believe at this point. I will admit, I do have some self esteem issues but I know alot of people do. Im not suicidal and Ive never cut or self inflicted myself with pain. I am a little shy though and I dont like being the center of attention.

 

I read that men with BPD do the same thing with women,, they lure women in and when they sense they have the woman they become distant. I was never distant with her when I sensed we had eachother. I never became distant and tried to withdraw from her. She said the only times I became distant or not available was when I was insecure with the relationship and I always wanted to talk about us. I wasnt trying to escape I was just trying to sit down and rectify the issues we had. I was craving intimacy with her when I felt she was avoiding it.

 

I know I can act impulsively but not in a self destructing manner. I dont do drugs, have risky sex or anything of that sort. I did act impulsively towards her bc I felt I couldnt trust her. That night she was out golfing and I didnt hear from her (the same night she texted her friend she was drunk and horny) I did feel something was off. I did impulsively call her and showed up and her house. But I knew something was up and I couldnt help it.

 

I dunno what to think. I know people who have this disorder are in extreme denial that they have it but Im open to the possiblity of finding out if I have it.

 

I jsut thought in a relationship as time goes on.. feelings get stronger and you want to see them more and be closer to them. I felt the exact opposite was going on. She said I became needy which I know is a trait of BPD. She said the beginning of any relationship is always intense and as time goes on you get comfortable with that person and they dont need to be such a part of ur life anymore. I jsut felt she was trying to distance herself from me

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Hey, Sportsfan, while I'm not in a professional position to judge nor to pass the correct judgment on whether or not your ex suffers from BPD, what I can say is that she showcases a lot of those symptoms.

 

Were you to ask a group of psychologist, I'm sure a lot of them would give you the same answer, although without a proper diagnosis. What's more important here is that you understand her destructive behaviors and use that level of understanding to heal yourself from the personal scarring and emotional hurt she's dealt you.

 

Your traits more or less lean toward someone who shows characteristics in a typical codependent relationship. So your codependent characteristics are what you're referring to, and not indeed that of a BPD. This explains your emotions of feeling helplessly responsible for her destructive ways. Now of course, you do know that that is not the case. She is responsible for her ways and she alone.

 

I was in your shoes too, a year ago, and how I dealt with someone who suffers from BPD traits, was that I had to learn to forgive her ways. You too may have to do the same if you wish to achieve peace of mind. It's with the forgiving that you'll learn to accept all of this as it is and for what it is. A failed relationship. This does not mean that you failed though, but rather the bond between the two of you just didn't click nor strengthen. How could it achieve a bond when it never got that chance to grow or flower?

 

The pain is still raw for you, so grieve what you've lost and then turn that grieve into anger. Not rage, there is a difference. Anger you can control, rage is not and it is out of control. I see that you are pissed right now, deservedly so, but don't foster your anger too much. Keep your mind in a diverse mentality. Occupy your chain of thoughts with your everyday life activities, allowing controlled burst of anger but never let it overwhelm you though. That's when it gets out of hand and controls you.

 

Then, when you're ready, forgive all this anger... see, if you weren't angry, then there would be nothing to forgive. Which is why it is important that you feel the anger. Most people have a miss-conceptualized what forgiving is, they believe it's about forgetting. That isn't the case. Human beings are not wired that way. We do not forget! Its interwoven into our survival mechanism. We need memory to serve our existence, we need memory to learn from our life experiences, we need to memorize what's dangerous or indeed poisonous to our health and so forth. Wipe off the memory and we'd cease to exist and repeatedly assume to doing the same mistakes again and again.

 

When you've forgiven her you'll be in nirvana should this whole ordeal resurface. And resurface it will, on many occasions. However, by then, you'll be able to brush it aside and not reel from the torment and pain of the past.

 

I now laugh at how foolish and wasteful all that undirected anger and hurt was... I used to cringe at nights when I was with my ex as thoughts of her sleeping around would creep into my frail state of mind and get the better of me.

 

Learn to accept and then forgive.... it will take time, right now though, go through your anger phase, it's natural and nothing to be ashamed about.

 

Oh, and one more thing. I was typing this post and my sister dropped by, she asked why I had a picture of that Transformers actor Shia LaBeouf as my avatar. I told her it was actually someone at this forum, and she proclaimed at how cute you were.... so there, you don't have to worry about the looks department, plenty of good respectful girls out there for you, mate. My sister is taken, unfortunately, heh.

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We talked a little bit yesterday... Shes pretty much done. We broke up the first time and when I went to get see my ex who still is a very good friend she called me up crying the next day saying she loves me and she cant live without me. So I guess I was still hoping for the same thing to happen again this time. Now that I see its not gonna happen again Its kinda difficult to accept.

 

She swears she doesnt have this disorder and I know someone isnt gonna admit they do but its like poison talking to her. She doesnt miss me and shes not thinking about me anymore so its toast

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Ah, it's really, really, tough, but hey, walk away with your dignity intact. If indeed she does contact you again, do your best to ignore them. They won't mean a thing coming from her.

 

She's got a load of problems to sort out and the last thing you want is to be with someone who's got more problems than you. Cut your losses and be brutally honest with yourself, it would not have worked out anyway, you'll have to accept that.

 

I'm sorry man... but try to stay strong, it's only going to get better for you! It can't get any worse than this.

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This guy Kyle who she screwed right before me she was talking to him all the while we were still together. She said they were just friends but I should have known better. She said hes just a scumbag who only wants one thing. But now we are broken up, look wheres shes going again?

 

I'm afraid you could turn that quote back on her!

 

As for BPD, it's not clinically supported by many, but either that or having sociopathic tendencies would fit this woman.

 

Please do not, EVER, allow yourself to be treated like this again. I know how it happened and some things are just not foreseeable, but file these unpleasant characteristics/traits away in your memory as warning signs for the future. Take care.

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Pixiedoc.. how did it eactly happen?

 

I mean I wasnt perfect either. The woman drove me crazy. When I saw that text she sent to the guy she had sex with last year that she was drunk and horny.. I acted immature and threw out the roses I had bought her for her aniversary and I accused her of cheating. I just felt like my worst nightmare came true. I also wouldnt leave her house until we were actually gonna talk about what just happened. She felt like I was about to touch her even though she knows I would never hurt her. She felt she needed to call her guy cop friend and patrol her street that night

 

But then she calls me in a week when I go vidit my ex who she hated and crys saying she cant live without me. Of course thnigs were good for a week but we had issues we needed to talk about and she never wanted to communicate with me and work ito ut... she jsut wanted to forget about things and just be. It wasnt gonna work bc her mood always changed. She said me always wanting to talk about things ruined it. Plus I couldnt trust her bc her feelings were so sporadic. She couldnt trust me bc I always felt I needed to check up on her

 

Its again day 3 of NC. I always get up to about day 3 and I always cave in and contact her again. Im starting to realize though that it was probably just lust on her side. Dont get me wrong, I was feeling the sexual chemistry too but it was more that that for me. I did feel that I was in love with her but I think for all the wrong reasons. Her emotions in the beginning compelled me. Whether or not she did have Borderline Personality Disorder I have no idea. I know alot of relationships start off amazing but this by far was the most intense of them all. I really did feel captivated by her intensity and sucked in lol. As much as I hate it admit this... she gave me no reason to truly love her and all the things I did for her to show I cared about her seemed like she didnt appreciate any of them. She said thanks but there was really no emotion or passion from her. No more greeting me at the door with a smile and a hug, no more cute texts, nothing. Just sex.

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So the truth finally came out yesterday...She basically used me for great sex and the fact that I was always gonna be there for her when she knew all this time I wasnt the guy because Im not financially secure yet.

 

She told me she wasn't ready to be alone again and why not keep me around if I was her best lover and a great boyfriend?? What really pisses me off is I am a very intuitive person and in my heart I knew this for a long time. I could see it in her. I wasnt secure with us anymore and she knew. Instead of being woman enough to be honest with me and let me leave she made me out to be the crazy one saying if I keep questioning things its gonna destroy us.

 

I should have listened to my gut. I didnt trust her and she knew it. Whether or not she did anything to really justify that Ill never know. But I knew the relationship was off and we checking up on her and looking through her phones was bad and ultimately ruined her trust in me but I couldnt help the feeling. It didnt matter anyways.

 

This woman never appreciated anything I did for her. I feel like giving her a piece of my mind

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