Does she deserve a bday wish?! Also - what else can I do?!

[TBE_1989]

I'll try condense this as much as possible.

 

I have a friend that I've known since I was four. We've always been close. We both graduated high school a year ago, and are now in different unis. Despite this, however, we kept in touch all last summer and up to Xmas, always talking, going out together, going to each other's houses, etc etc. We told each other everything. We helped each other through both our first-love breakups which occurred within this time. We were always there for each other through everything and it was like she was my rock, and vice versa.

 

However, since about February or so, my friend has gone cold on me. She has got a new boyfriend, who I still have not met. As I have not met him, I cannot judge him, but from what I hear he seems rather possessive of her and suspicious of her going out without him. Whether my friend ditching me is linked to her new fella or not, I don't know - I can only speculate. I do suspect he's having a bad influence on her as she hasn't been to college properly since meeting him. But all this is kinda irrelevant really, bottom line is she never texts anymore and never initiates msn conversations. More importantly, she never makes efforts to meet up anymore.

 

I was ok with that to an extent, but now it's gotten to the point where - instead of just not INITIATING contact - she's ignoring my contact over the past few weeks. I sent her a polite but firm text saying (I paraphrase) ''hey, listen I just have to ask what's going on?! Up until Jan or Feb we were best friends who were always in contact, but now you don't seem to want to talk anymore. Have I done something wrong? I don't understand x' No reply. I texted again five days later asking if she got my text and got no response. Both messages delivered, and I called her phone on private number just to see if it was on and working, and it rang. I didn't wait for her to answer as I didn't want to stoop to immaturity.

 

A mutual friend's birthday party was a few days ago and asked my suddenly-silent friend if she wanted to attend the celebrations, but, she too, got no reply.

 

The text messages were delivered to my friend's phone and I know she's not abroad or anything as a guy I know who lives near her has seen her out and about.

 

Q 1 It's this girl's birthday in a few days. After her sudden drop in contact with me (bearing in mind this has been going on since FEBRUARY, I haven't seen her since!! She's made no effort with me since then and is cold and aloof when we DO talk), should I wish her happy birthday?! I'm annoyed and hurt but I don't want to upset her in case there IS a valid reason for her lack of effort. On the other hand, I don't want to be insincere and be all ''omg happy bday hunnn xxx'' when I'm actually angry at her.

 

Q 2 Also, what the hell do I do in this general situation? I feel helpless, I've lost one of my best friends. I know it's probably nothing personal as she ignored my other friend as well, but what can one do in this situation when a friend ditches you?

 

thanks as always

 

TBE

xx

[anya1607307555]

Personally, after 15 years of friendship, I would send a simple birthday wish (doesn't need to be gushy or overly friendly, 'Happy Birthday, best wishes, ' is sufficient). Perhaps she will turn up one day and you will find out the truth but until then, I would get on with enjoying my life. You may never get an answer to relieve your anger or forgive her, but the good thing is you don't need her in order to do that.

[TBE_1989]

Thanks anya. I am contemplating sending a message but am still not entirely sure. Thanks for the positivity - I know I can't rely on this girl for my own happiness or security.

 

Any other advice out there?