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We are on the right track i think, but I need advice!


catfish1199

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Some of you may be familiar with my situation, but I will recap a little.

 

She left me after 7 years, 8 months ago. I wasnt the man I should have been for her, was depressed, irresponsible, and uncaring. I really dont know what happened to me, but the important thing is that I am 100% better now and she sees it.

 

We have had drinks twice in two weeks and both times we talked about US quite a bit and it always ended up with us making out. I asked her to lunch, but she said she had plans. The next day, she called and said that she lied because she didnt know if we should get back into seeing each other on a regular basis. But she also said she wanted to see me right now, and that I should come pick her up at the bar and go to another one.

 

Long story short, we spent the day having sex (she couldnt keep herself off of me), talking about our relationships, our future, our growth, and how we feel about each other. Some things that were said by her were:

I love you so much.

You've got to be the man for me that I know you can be.

I forgot how good it was (after sex)

I dont know what I would do with myself if you left me (after talking about possibly moving)

You are a completely different person from the one I left.

 

You can see why I am so encouraged. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction because at least I know how she feels about me, and I can focus on being the man that she deserves.

 

BUT, yesterday, I dropped some things off to her at work, and things were kind of awkward. She sent me a text that said, "Thanks for the ----, Dont mean to be weird but it just feels a little weird after the other day. Take care and talk to ya soon."

 

I know she is talking to some guy that lives in another city, but she says "its not like that" (whatever that means), I never asked or acted like I cared about her other guys, heck, we even talked about our single sex lives a little.

 

I just want some opinions on what my strategy should be for the next days,weeks. I am resisting the idea that she just wanted to see if she could have me and is going to continue going about her business, because she is not that kind of girl. I know everyone says that but she wouldnt do that deliberately.

 

Anyone been through this part of the dance? Anyone make it out with a reconciliation? Or the opposite? What should I do, Im going crazy.

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There's not too much you can do since she's not 100% into it just yet. If you try to pursue her you may run her off. She is probably confused about her feelings right now so don't pressure her or talk about your relationship until she brings it up.

 

Pull back and wait for her to contact you again and let her make the dates. Asking her out or asking her about how she feels is pressure so resist that.

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There's not too much you can do since she's not 100% into it just yet. If you try to pursue her you may run her off. She is probably confused about her feelings right now so don't pressure her or talk about your relationship until she brings it up.

 

Pull back and wait for her to contact you again and let her make the dates. Asking her out or asking her about how she feels is pressure so resist that.

 

Hey thanks. That's what I feel I should do, but that is exactly the thing that consumes my thoughts. It should serve as a lesson to those who wish they could get a date, or sleep with their ex. Its mental turmoil, even after I know that she loves me and wants me.

 

I saw her to drop of something and it was akward. She texted me sorry dont mean to be weird and but it just felt weird after the day/night we had together. Havent heard much from her except from a text msg or two since then. I guess she is spooked?

 

Should I try to continue to date other girls? Do you think she is capable of continuing to date other guys after the heavy conversations we had which revealed how much is still between us and how much of the negative stuff has dropped away?

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Update*******

 

Well she texted me two nights ago to come have a beer at last call. Naturally, we went home together and had great conversations about us, and great sex again. Everything felt as if we wanted to try again, but didnt know how to do it or take the first step.

 

I know she is scared, and so am I. She saw her therapist later that day, and afterwards she called me. She said her therapist recommended she see a GP about anti-depressant medication. If she is depressed, it is because she is just now dealing with the abandonment issues she has from her bad childhood. She made sure that I understood, that all of this wasn't happening because she is lonely.

 

What is she so scared of and how can I help extinguish those fears? Should I call her to see how she is doing?

 

I am scared because I am falling for her again, and I dont know if I am setting myself up for disapontment....

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Do you best not to let your emotions take hold of you and affect your behavior. Just sit back and ride this out. Let go of your expectations. Don't try to be everything you think she wants you to be...just be you. She's clearly dealing with things, and she's the only one that can make her feel better, safer, etc. Don't try to save her, especially not so that you can get what you want. It will backfire in your face.

 

Be unavailable sometimes. Be at least somewhat of a challenge.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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