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BF wanting conversations to be a bit deeper and any advice that could help to make it that way?


RoxyGril
When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
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Well, my bf and I are doing pretty well in our relationship and we do have our disagreements like most couples do. But, my bf brought up the subject that he feels that we don't have some conversations that are really deep and that he would like to have more of them. I try my best to and am working on being able to work with him on that.

 

We were on our way to the gym the other day and he brought up how he would like someone to be able to have conversations that are deep or even a bit of a debate kind of thing. I know that we have had a few but not many. I can say it hurt a bit cause it made me feel as if he deserves someone better then me. We talked it over after the gym and the conversation went well.

 

He did say that he's not wanting to be with anyone else but me. It's just he wants the converations to have a bit more to them. Which I am completely open to and I know that we do need that in our relationship. I know at some points he does have to pull things out of me cause I can be a bit closed off.

 

 

IDK what are some subjects that I could bring up that would be on a deeper level to show him that I am working on it? What are some thing's that would help?

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That's all well and good as long as he is also putting in the effort himself and not expecting you to just initiate interesting conversations all the time.

 

When he does start a conversation that he wants to talk about, try listening first and processing the information. Try to open up and say exactly how you feel about the matter at hand, even take a minute or 2 to think about it of you need to.

 

As or finding things to talk about, read a newspaper or watch the news a little. Pick out stories that strike you and see what he has to say on them. You could also think about conversations you have had with other people recently and bring them up to him and get his take on it.

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Thanks for the advice...that will help a lot..I don't think he expects me into start the conversations at the time. But, I think what he is wanting no matter who is starting the conversation. But, as long as I try going into more deeper answers more so then just stright one or two words in response for example.

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To me the deepest conversations come naturally in the flow of talking about "whatever" because then the timing is natural. Having said that what I would do is work on being even more well read - current events as well as more literary novels even (maybe you two can read the same book and discuss it) - and in seeking to expand your horizons - go to a lecture about something that interests you, take a class in something creative maybe - jumpstart your brain so to speak. What I would not do is bring up debate or "deep" topics in any kind of structured way because that will sound forced and be awkward. But, keep your eyes open for ways to add to a conversation you're already having.

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I think if you know some stuff he's interested in (topics) will help. Of course it's best if they're topics you also find interesting or could see yourself liking.

My bf and me don't always have deep convo's either but on occasion suddenly he'll surprise me after watching the news and paying attention and tell me stuff I had no idea was going on. We then talk about it and exchange points of view.

Or sometimes I tell him something I heard/read and we'll discuss.

 

So just note what stuff your bf is interested in and pick a few you like. Maybe read up on it a bit or watch a documentary/movie together. Then after exchange some ideas.

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Maybe he finds you too agreeable. When my husband says something I disagree with, I question him(outloud), trying to understand his perspective, and then if I see it differently, I share my veiw on it. It usually makes for a good conversation. And in the end, we get eachother a little better, even if we disagree. I also agree with theshoefairy, newspapers are a good place to find conversation/debate starters. Also, bring up subjects he's interested in. Even if it's something you know nothing about, try to learn more about it through conversations with him.

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Read non-fiction books, watch specials about controversial topics, talk politics or religion and discuss what it means to you. Discuss the business cycle, literaries reflection on social standards, what authors you HATE and why, what shows you love and why, why you think so-and-so wasn't that big of a deal.

 

Basically, develop an individual feeling for something and determine why you feel that way and choose the words you feel are best for expressing all of this.

 

My boyfriend and I can't agree on anything but we have absolutely wonderful discussions about it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

sounds like something I would say to my gf too. Might be trying to tell you he needs more of a connection. He may be a very open and emotional person. He would like to hear more about you, your goals, how you feel and he will respond deeply. THis will deepen your relationship. Just be genuine about your discussions. You can talk about where you see yourself living in 40 years, what you want to do before you're 30, who you think is the best influence in your life......

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