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Obligation to attend wedding?


Firiel
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My cousin is getting married in July. I'm not close to her at all, really. Growing up, I've only seen her during three family reunions that lasted several days each.

 

Apparently, though, if I don't go it will cause some family strife. My aunt will be angry (probably at my grandmother), it may cause her to be in a bad mood the whole weekend, that kind of thing. In addition, both my mom and my grandma want me to go. My mom has been on me for weeks about how amazing it would be... sort of trying to guilt me into going, I think... My grandma even offered to pay for the work I would miss.

 

Anyway, I don't want to go. I really don't want to go. I don't know my cousin well. I don't want to drive 500 miles up to Canada. I don't want to go out of town for four days. I don't want to make my grandma pay me money for this. I don't want to spend four full days with only my family. I don't want to take off more time for work since I'm already missing a few days in June for a vacation.

 

I have an easy out, though. I have a mandatory in-service at my job on the day of the wedding, and I'd have to apply in writing ahead of time to miss it. It'd be a hassle. It'd be really easy to just tell my mom, "Sorry, mandatory in-service" and leave it at that. However, I'm feeling obligated to try my best to get the time off because this is so important to my mom and grandma.

 

So, should I try to get the time off, or should I do what makes me happy and not go to the wedding?

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Your not married to your family I can understand not wanting to hurt them however it is your life and your the one who is gong to live it.

 

a poet once said to thine own self be true...it is true you should in the end if you go then you will be misserble but if you don't go then you will be fine and every one else will get over it too.

 

Do what you want don't let other people rule over you for something as common as a wedding,

 

If you actually wanted to go I would say go

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Just ask yourself this: Is it worth having a lifetime of family strife, by not attending the wedding? Is taking a couple of days off (in the great scheme of things) really going to make such a difference in your life?

 

I can understand your reasons for not wanting to go, but sometimes in life one has to simply go with the flow and swim with the tide. It's not like a death sentence. It's not going change your life in such a way that you'll be effected forever. Sometimes you've just gotta bite the bullet, grit your teeth and get on with it. It's called life.

 

I once read an awesome thing which made a lot of sense: "Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking". I think that says it all.

 

That said, no-one can really tell you what you should do. It's entirely up to you.

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I don't think it's reasonable for anyone to be upset that you don't want to spend 4 days, travel 500 km and miss work to go to a wedding of a cousin you're not close to, especially since you have legitimate excuse. It shouldn't be a big deal to them. Your cousin could, instead, invite someone else who would really like to be there. That would be logical. However, I know most people don't think logically like this. I hate the idea of having to do things that make you miserable for the sake of keeping up appearances, especially when they don't really matter. This shouldn't matter so much to your mother and grandmother. Refuse to accept guilt, sound reasonable and firm about it, and hopefully they'll get over it. Thats what I'd do, anyway.

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Send your cousin a beautiful card and a gift with an apology that your are unable to make the wedding due to prior obligations....If it unreasonable for people to expect you to drive or fly 500 miles for a wedding you not only dont want to attend but for a cousin you barely know...

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Send your cousin a beautiful card and a gift with an apology that your are unable to make the wedding due to prior obligations....If it unreasonable for people to expect you to drive or fly 500 miles for a wedding you not only dont want to attend but for a cousin you barely know...

 

I agree with this.

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