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I didn't even know what to title this because there's no one thing about my breakup that makes it horribly traumatic - I'm just feeling really sad and hopeless. I'll try to keep it brief but give you the background.

 

My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months. We met online. I'm 41 and never married/no kids. He's 43, and divorced with 2 kids. I don't meet many people who I really connect with and like so when I do, I fall sort of hard. That's how I felt about him. In the beginning, there was no talk of my meeting his kids because it was the beginning. In fact, I wasn't eager to do it (hostile ex wife apparently poisoning their brains against my ex and therefore me too). By the time we broke up, I had still not met the kids, which meant that I saw him once or twice during the week and every other weekend. He is fiercely loyal to his kids, which I like about him, but perhaps he took it too far. By the time we broke up, he said he didn't know if he would ever introduce me (or anyone else) to his kids. Nothing personal, he just didn't want to be that kind of dad. We don't need to get into his reasons or rationale, but that's why it ended. We got in a fight about it and he ended it by saying that it wasn't fair to me that I wanted more than he could give me.

 

That was 3 months ago. I was having my ups and downs, but generally doing ok. Monday night we ended up speaking on the phone (3rd time since the breakup). He was being very lovey dovey and saying how me missed me and knows that it's rare to have the kind of connection we did. Of course I'm getting my hopes up that he wants to reconcile. Anyway, it ends up blowing up in both of our faces and sending me into a depression. (We're not getting back together. He misses me, but still will not incorporate me into that part of his life).

 

So here I am. Feeling like I'm starting at square one again. Crying nonstop. I think that feeling pretty hopeless - at my age - of meeting anyone else who I will ever feel this way about again, so I'm clinging to the idea of him. There were several problems in the relationship - even though I loved him - that would have probably eventually broken us up, so it's even more silly to be so devastated, but here I am. Guess I'm just looking for some insight (I don't want to turn to my friends and family anymore) and a ray of hope.

 

Thanks.

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So here I am. Feeling like I'm starting at square one again. Crying nonstop. I think that feeling pretty hopeless - at my age - of meeting anyone else who I will ever feel this way about again, so I'm clinging to the idea of him. There were several problems in the relationship - even though I loved him - that would have probably eventually broken us up, so it's even more silly to be so devastated, but here I am. Guess I'm just looking for some insight (I don't want to turn to my friends and family anymore) and a ray of hope.

 

Thanks.

 

 

Guess what?! You're human! And you will fall in love again. I know 60 year olds that have met new people and gotten it on (even though I am scared to think about it), so there is always hope.

 

All I can say is... this will pass and you will be up and bouncing again.

 

Know this, though, he wasn't good enough to be part of your life. That he could not accept you for who you are enough to introduce his kids to you after 9 months says a lot about him. He was the wrong man for you and the right man is out there. How do I know... because there is always hope. if there wasn't, why would we bother?

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Hey, so sorry to hear you are going through this. You're right that this guy was WAY too protective over his kids in not introducing you to them. When you fall for someone you are really keen to do this, not in an all-encompassing way, just 'hi, meet my new friend' and then you see how it goes. You certainly do NOT compartmentalise them so that they never see your kids, unless this is just a casual relationship. Even friends get to be introduced to your kids. It takes a while to work out whether you are serious about someone, however, but 9 months is far too long.

 

You sound like a lovely person, believe me, you WILL find someone who values you and wants to incorporate you into ALL areas of their life. I also know people who have done this in their 40's and 50' and are the happiest they have ever been. Good luck and take care.

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Thanks Keyman and Pixie. I read your posts this morning before work and they really lifted my spirits. I needed to be reminded that I wasn't being treated well in this relationship and I needed hope - you gave me both. Thanks again

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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