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when your intuition says you will marry someone...


BellaBee

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them. before i even heard or read about that, i had this feeling with someone i met recently. i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them. before i even heard or read about that, i had this feeling with someone i met recently. i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

 

You mean like love at first sight? Don't believe in it.. How can you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you don't even know?

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It is very easy for someone who is married to say they "just knew at the beginning". It makes for a nice story and it makes them seem all knowing. Question is...did they REALLY just know...or were they simply HOPING it would be true at the time..and then it just worked out in their favour.

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them.

 

They didn't really "knew" anything - it was just a product of chemicals in their brain - called "butterflies" that made them think they "know" something. It's totally meaningless thing.

 

i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

 

Of course you "know" now because he is obviously not available and is a challenge for you which build up attraction. That usually works that way. ;-). Don't worry if he starts showing too much interest again, your feelings will go away.

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When I was young, i worked as a secretary for the pastor of a church.

 

There was one incredibly good looking and charming and intelligent young man in the congregation, who had just about every young woman under 30 totally infatuated with him.

 

These girls used to come in to talk to the pastor, many of whom honestly believed that they were destined to marry this young man and just felt he was 'the one', even though they weren't even dating him! Many were confused and thought they 'knew' or they had prayed and thought God must be telling them that this young man was the one for them. And the girls were confused because they'd been praying, yet the guy hadn't asked them out, and how could they feel like God was saying this guy was 'the one', yet nothing was going anywhere.

 

But of course he couldn't be the one for ALL of them could he? He was just an incredibly attractive/appealing and friendly guy, and these women just got overtaken by feelings of infatuation and misinterpreted those feelings as some kind of fate or confirmation of their hopes/desires. What they thought might be God telling them he was 'the one' was really their own intense attraction to the guy, not some predictive intuition.

 

So these kind of stories make good stories, but the truth is there is no way anyone can know for sure if they will end up with someone, because there are so many conflicting emotions and attractions involved in dating someone.

 

As they say, 'hindsight is 20/20', and people telling these stories may have actually felt that way about 5 people in their lives, but the thing they are most convinced about is the myth that you will 'know' someone is the one, when it is more likely just an indicator of a strong attraction, that fortunately for them developed into something more.

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I totally agree. How can you possibly know you have found the right one if you don't even know them?

 

It is people's hope and the butterfly feelings you get in the beginning that make people BELIEVE they have found THE ONE. You can click with someone yes, but 6 months down the line, you may learn things about the other person you don't even like.

 

In my opinion, it's the couples that have made it through various struggles together who are the real winners, that's what I call love.

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them. before i even heard or read about that, i had this feeling with someone i met recently. i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

 

Absolutely. I've just ended a 5 year relationship with someone... both of us "knew" we were going to be together forever and had in fact, lived our entire relationship as if we were engaged. The pressure was highly destructive because there was no "fun" and enjoyment of discovering each other. (sick, isn't it?).

 

There is no way to know that - it's just another aspect of attraction, IMO.

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There is no way you can "just know" you are going to marry someone when you first meet/lay eyes on them.

 

I know someone who said that, who DID get married to the guy... and she admitted that before their wedding she had major doubts but because she had told everyone she just knew he was The One, she felt she had to go through with it... and now she's divorced!!

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It is very easy for someone who is married to say they "just knew at the beginning". It makes for a nice story and it makes them seem all knowing. Question is...did they REALLY just know...or were they simply HOPING it would be true at the time..and then it just worked out in their favour.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

I think that many times you can see yourself marrying that person. But, if you don't even know them, you can't know that you'll marry them.

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I agree. I think it's just hoping to marry someone because you are physically attracted to them. My boyfriend said he knew he would marry me from the minute he saw me and met me the first time. But I didn't even have feelings for him at that time. I didn't develop feelings for him until I knew him for about 2 months after. But we have been together for almost 5 years and he still believes that since that minute he saw me he knew he was destined to marry me.

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I had that feeling with my last ex; and he was even talking a week into the relationship about how he knew how he was going to propose to his future wife, but he couldn't tell me his amazing plan because he was sure it was going to involve me.

 

We dated for 8 months...then he met a teenager, left me for her, and knocked her up 2 weeks later.

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Yeah, I had that feeling with my EX fiance. I remember writing on a piece of paper, "I'm going to marry this guy, I know it" before we even became friends.

 

Well, obviously my intuition was wrong because the guy dumped me after 7 years and an engagement. Just because we want something doesn't mean we get it

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My intuition also routinely tells me the winning lottery numbers.

 

Problem is, it hasn't been right yet.

 

Ever hear that old saying...."Even a stopped clock is right twice a day"? I kinda view it like that.

 

You meet someone, you have that "revelation" that This Is The Person You're Going To Marry and you feel as if God Himself has decreed it.....well, if you figure there's basically only 2 outcomes (you get married OR you don't get married), you have a 50% chance of being right.

 

That's better odds than the lottery, anyway.

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I don't believe its true even from a lot of my christian friends say they didn't know that was the one they will marry.

 

All I'm hearing is a non Vampire individial's version of Twilight Women want there own romantic stories so the best opener would be to say thats the one from the start.

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them. before i even heard or read about that, i had this feeling with someone i met recently. i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

 

There was only 1 guy out of infinity I thought I'd get married.

Turns out I was wrong!!!

I was like "wow this is what people've been telling me!"

We broke up within 3 months.

 

and he was gay.

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I'm probably alone in this, then, but I totally believe those stories.

 

As for those cases where things didn't work out, it was probably because either party did not treasure the connection. The higher powers give us gifts. But it's up to us to claim these gifts and keep them.

 

So it's very sad when things don't work out, because the higher powers might not give the same gift again.

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It is very easy for someone who is married to say they "just knew at the beginning". It makes for a nice story and it makes them seem all knowing. Question is...did they REALLY just know...or were they simply HOPING it would be true at the time..and then it just worked out in their favour.

I'm probably alone in this, then, but I totally believe those stories.

 

As for those cases where things didn't work out, it was probably because either party did not treasure the connection. The higher powers give us gifts. But it's up to us to claim these gifts and keep them.

 

So it's very sad when things don't work out, because the higher powers might not give the same gift again.

It's genuinely fascinating that two completely different yet internally consistent explanations can fit the observed phenomena - one based on critical thinking and reason, the other based on magical thinking and superstition.

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It's genuinely fascinating that two completely different yet internally consistent explanations can fit the observed phenomena - one based on critical thinking and reason, the other based on magical thinking and superstition.

 

Haha, yes, possibly.

 

It seems to me, however, that each era presents its dominant worldview. Not only that, but each worldview tends to be self-sustaining, in that evidences which attack the worldview at its base are ignored or otherwise explained in a way which fits the worldview.

 

Upon careful reflection, it is discovered that emotional allegiance are generally primary. Logic, as an extension of the human verbal faculties, is used to defend and disguise emotional allegiances.

 

Therefore, there's no need to subscribe to Enlightenment or modernist values of "critical thinking and reason." All worldviews evaluate evidences according to their presumptions and arrange them according to their peculiar schemata. "Critical thinking and reason" is in fact independent of Enlightenment presumptions. It is better defined as a universal human activity, just like cooking or eating.

 

For whatever reason, my allegiances are with Julian the Philosopher, with Plato, with the old traditions, with Iamblichus and Plotinus and other such party crashers. I'm quite open about my allegiances. So yes, I enjoy magical thinking and superstition. It's an integral part of my life. Perhaps I prefer to be superstitious as opposed to boorish.

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Certainly, humans are emotional creatures. In the general sense, we no doubt use our explanatory abilities to rationalise our emotional allegiances, as you say. You're right, those are formed to a great extent on our learned worldviews.

 

On the other hand, as our understanding of natural phenomena has progressed, our metaphysics has changed also. We no longer tend to believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth, as an obvious example. The replacement of that archaic worldview has had certain implications. In a similar way, we'd likely not tend to believe that the sun rises because the Spaghetti Monster told it to, even if we were taught that as a child. Perhaps it's time to join the eighteenth century.

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i have heard many times people say that the moment they first saw their SO (or very soon after) they "just knew" they were going to marry them. before i even heard or read about that, i had this feeling with someone i met recently. i am so confused because we dated a few times and now he seems to have no interest in me (and in fact pretty much told me so).

 

has anyone ever "just knew" and been wrong?? i am so confused.

 

Only time will tell if I was wrong. About 3.5 years ago I was teaching my cycling class and this girl walked by the room on her way to a different class. At that point I didn't "know", but it was as if God whispered in my ear and said "Alas my son, there she is." I started taking that other class in an attempt to talk to her, but was shy and she was with someone else at the time anyways. Fast foreward 1.5 years and I had just gotten out of a 6 month relationship, she had ended her relationship and was back here in my gym setting up an appointment for me to put her on a workout program. 6 weeks later we hung out outside of the gym for the first time and a week and a half after that we went on our first official date.

 

We clicked on such a highly emotional plane that it was just amazing, even her son took an instant liking to me. Two weeks after we started dating she asked if I wanted to have sex and i made her wait 2 more weeks. A month into it we were spending every night together either at my place or hers. We talked about marriage after about 3 months and knew we goign to end up together, she told me I was everything she ever wanted in a man. After 5 months she and her son moved in with me. 3 months after that we got engaged, a month later we set a wedding date 5/30/2009.

 

We took a family vacation last summer, 20+ hours in a car together and not a single fight. In fact we never had a big fight and only had three minor disagreements that we worked out almost immediately. Things were great, I was in love, she was in love, her son truly became my son.

 

Then something, I don't know what, happened on or around April 20th of this year. First it started with her saying she was stressed about school and wanted to stay at her dad's for 2 days. She came home on Monday morning and I asked if we were ok, she told me how excited that we were getting married in 5 weeks, how much she loved me, how perfect I was for her. Everything was fine, until the nest night she said she needed 2 weeks to decide if she was ready for marriage, i protested at first but let her go back to her dads thinking I would see her again after 2 weeks. 2 days later she ended it, the engagement, living together, the realtionship....everything is gone!

 

It has now been 7 weeks since then and her stuff is being moved out in two days.

 

During one of the few conversations in the first few days after the split she said that she can't say we'll never get back together, but for some reason it's not right, right now.

 

So for now it looks like that initial feeling was wrong, I only hope over time it turns out to be right.

 

Sorry to get long winded with my answer. I'm still very sad and i guess i needed to vent yet again.

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I used to believe in the whole 'The One' thing. I was a teenager then

 

Now I think you're just extremely lucky if you end up with someone who you connect with and that the relationship 'works' and both people work at making it work.

 

I think most relationships lose the spark after a few years, and you have to be friends/enjoy being together still to make it work...

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